Witchslayer Gretl

As a person who loves "so bad that it's good genre", I have a very high tolerance for cheaply made, low budget, badly acted garbage that are so often spat out, especially for straight to TV scene.

This one is pretty dull even for this "genre" though. The best words to describe it are probably dull and uninspiring. The thing that usually saves this kind of movies is sense of fun, which is nowhere to be found here.

The story is very loosely based on old German folk tales and I would want to say... "tries to capture the spirit of fairytale adventure or sword and sorcery tropes" but unfortunately I can not. It seems quite opposite. It seems the production team didn't even try.

Action scenes are very badly made, even for this level of production, story makes little sense and the scenery in which the story unfolds practically doesn't change at all. It's like the whole movie was made on one small location, in someone's backyard.

The acting is not worse than it should be for such a film and all the female actresses look good. Costumes are okey, but all the other props and "cgi" is laughably bad.

Overall, you won't be able to enjoy it even if you're a fan of bad movies.

It might be possible to make a good updated version of Hansel and Gretel but this trifling Syfy original is decidedly NOT it. Choosing to merely throw the hapless viewer into the 'thick' of things with Hansel now being a master witch slayer doing his thing, which I surmise is shooting arrows while poorly CGI'd fireballs come his way. It doesn't get better from there. Charectization is supremely dull when it's not downright confusing, couple that with characters I don't really give two tosses about and it's a recipe for massive boredom. I only got through it only to review, condemn and steer you clear of watching this mess. Also if you're a fan of Shannon Doherty be prepared to be doubly disappointed as she's woefully underused.

My Grade: D-

If you finished the title of this review without thinking, you're familiar with the flavor of "Gretl: Witch Hunter."

Saturday afternoon matinée sword 'n sorcery at it's middlest. The anachronisms might cause you to throw your (empty) beer at the screen, but in mock anger, much like the actors.

The conditions I watched this under weren't the best, so I won't speak to cinematography, but the FX match up with the latter episodes of Xena, though not quite to Legend of the Seeker or certainly Game of Thrones, but, well...

If you have a few hours, a few beers, and maybe a good friend to laugh with, it's not time completely wasted.

A grown-up Hansel is hunting witches with his assistant Lara. He rescues Ehren from warlock Abyss but he fears her magic. He would rather kill her but Lara convinces him otherwise. Abyss' queen turns out to be Hansel's long lost sister Gretel (Shannen Doherty) who was taken by a witch and assumed killed.

I only know Paul McGillion as the affable Dr. Carson Beckett from Stargate: Atlantis. This is a completely different role and doesn't fit him. He's not that dark. As with many Syfy shows of that era, this looks cheap and the CGI is cheap. The premise is interesting and there is good potential with these characters. In the end, this is a cheap TV fantasy movie.

It was with very little expectations that I sat down to watch the 2012 TV movie "Witchslayer Gretl". Why? Well, take a look at the synopsis and the cast ensemble, it just doesn't bode well.

But still, it could be a surprise and actually turn out to be an enjoyable movie. But no, that was not the case. I managed to last probably halfway through this movie before I finally dozed off and fell asleep. And let me say that it had already been a struggle up to the halfway point to stay awake, because the movie was just boring and didn't offer much of anything interesting.

The characters in the movie were two-dimensional and had nothing in terms of being memorable or particularly likable.

And the fact that the storyline was just as predictable as it was uninspiring, just didn't help in favor of the movie.

I awoke to the end credits and I must honestly admit that I have no intentions of returning to finish the last half of the movie, because I saw enough in the first half, and I can pretty much figure out the rest just by guessing, as the movie was that predictable.

The special effects were adequate, although they were on the cheap side of the scale, and that didn't really work out so well for the movie, especially since a fantasy movie should have some believable effects, if not have effects that bedazzle the audience.

For hardcore fans of fairy tales, then I am sure that there is something worthwhile on this alternate approach to the classic tale. But for a regular movie enthusiast, not so much.