Helldriver

I would be lying if I said that there is no fun to be had from watching this, but the whole thing feels like an experiment in absurdity rather than anything else and that is a shame as there is some real creativity here and there.

What I mean by creativity is that there are planes and cars made out of zombies, a zombie mother with a zombie baby still attached to her foetus which she uses as a weapon and, last but not least, the most insane zombie king and queen ever. But then the protagonist is an Alice rip-off (from the 'Resident Evil' film franchise).

In short, this film is a mixed bag in which the film-makers attempted to create the most absurd film ever. And I think they succeeded but at the expense of any real substance.

Okay, when you go to see a so-bad-it's-good horror/zombie movie, there are a few expectations that need to be met and I could never get past the fact that the act of watching zombies getting killed wasn't amusing. Seriously. The movie used thousands of liters of blood and all too often watching it spray was not remotely funny. The movie delivers on a lot of fronts, but at the end of the day there was too much gore and weird sh*t going on and not enough hilarity and cheering on the hero on screen.

When I saw the movie, it was the headliner for a horror movie film festival and by all means all of the circumstances for movie success were there, but it was just one of those ineffable things where the movie just didn't live up to the expectations.

tl;dr Had potential, but not as entertaining/lighthearted as it should have been

"Everything is glorious!"

These kind of ultra-violent, chaotic Japanese movies are very tricky. When they work, they're awesome. An amusing, bemusing, exciting mishmash of craziness that gives new meaning to the word "ridiculous". But Helldriver, like so many of these gonzo films, just doesn't quite pull off what it's aiming for. 

And that's certainly not for lack of trying. This tale of zombies and chainsaw swords throws everything at the viewer possible, and I have to commend the filmmakers for the sheer levels of WTF they came up with. Zombie women using zombie babies attached by zombie umbilical cords as weapon, truck versus zombie sword fights, and a zombie car are just a few of the insane ideas you'll see on display, here. I can't count the number of times I simply had to shake my head and smile at the fact that someone came up with all of this stuff. There's even a battle near the end that's eerily reminiscent of The Battle of Helm's Deep in The Two Towers, except with way fewer humans and WAY more blood. The inventiveness of Helldriver is the best thing it has going for it, by far. 

But amidst all the blood fountains and giant flying zombies made out of smaller zombies, the director and writers forgot to add the entertainment. How a movie can be absolutely insane and so dull at the same time is a mystery, to me.

The plot is non-existent, even for this kind of flick. Our main character has a back-story with an evil mother and uncle that leads to the entire zombie infestation and her transformation into a half-mechanical warrior, but the scenes dealing with that are among the most boring in the entire movie. There are really no likable or interesting characters, either, which would have gone a long way towards making Helldriver easier to enjoy. 

It might be worth checking out for the undeniable strangeness of it all, but I still have to say I was more disappointed than pleased with Helldriver.

I liked so many extreme gory flicks coming from Japan in the eighties and nineties because they were full of gore and red stuff. But times are changing and lately flicks coming from Japan aren't my cup of tea anymore. It started with Takashi Miiki's Yattâman (Yatterman). I loved the man and every gorehound has at least seen one of his flicks. The last one I liked was from Masters Of Horror 'Imprint' which I even bought uncut on Blu Ray. But Yatterman was something weird, it contained too much of CGI and had a strange story. It failed completely for me and I hoped that this new kind of shooting was a one in a kind.

Was I wrong, I saw this due Asami being in it who I met at a convention and tried to talk with, she only understood Japanese, luckily Kurando Mitsutake (Samurai Avenger: The Blind Wolf) was there to translate everything. Another reason was that Eihi Shiina (Audition) was in it, she's back in business and Asami is a new star in her native land. What we have is an extremely gory flick but it made me think of Yatterman. So much CGI and weird things like zombies with horns. And the scene with the mother tearing out the heart of her child is indeed gory but it's full of CGI and exaggerated things that I disliked it.

If this is the new way of making Japanese flicks then I guess I will leave that scene. For the moment things I liked was Vampire Girls vs Frankenstein Girls or Alien vs Ninja but Helldriver wasn't my thing. I can dig weird story lines but this was over the top. But I won't give up, I would like to see Erotibot with Asami, let's hope this is old school HK III. Maybe Yoshihiro Nishimura, the director, should better staid at his make-up department (Tokyo Gore Police or Machine Girl).

Gore 5/5 Nudity 1/5 Effects 4/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 1/5

The new entry into the "J-sploitation" genre, or what I've lovingly dubbed it "the purposefully hilarious, batshit crazy Asian B-movie" genre, this time from renowned splatter director Yoshihiro Nishimura, the genius behind "Tokyo Gore Police". We're treated to people lap dancing on spinal columns, alien starfish, a scene straight out of Power Rangers featuring zombies using their newborn (umbilical cord an all) as projectiles, an eight armed zombie that sounds like the putty patrol, a zombie seemingly made of weapons fighting an armored car, a car made of zombies, a fight sequence on top of a rocket propelled airplane made of zombies, zombies playing the accordion, zombies getting anally jousted with a chainsaw sword, the title sequence appearing after the hour mark, overall hilarious dialog and much, much more. It may not be as brilliant as its contemporaries but "Helldriver, RoboGeisha, Machine Girl", etc. all prove that nobody makes B-movies like the Asians, not even The Asylum. Also, it's still very strange seeing Eihi Shiina in this crazy villain role after seeing her in "Audition" but she's still amazing.