Shark 3D

This movie started out so great, it had that whole "Jaws"-theme going on, and it really looked like it was going to be a movie that would pay homage to the classic "Jaws" movies, then it all came crashing down hard and went downhill.

"Shark Night" is without a doubt one of the stupidest story lines I have ever seen in a shark movie. The whole plot was just so far-fetched that it didn't even come off remotely plausible. That whole "oh-you-hurt-me-years-ago-and-now-it-is-payback-time" plot didn't work at all! It was ludicrous and it really made the movie bad.

Another thing that the movie had working against it was the darkness. Most of the movie was shot at night with little or no lighting at all, and you couldn't really see what was going on at times. That was so lame. When you sit down to watch movies you don't want to be kept in the dark and have little chance to see what's going on. Had they kept the movie in daylight it would have worked so much better.

As for the characters in the movie, well you hardly got to immerse yourself in any of the characters, aside from Sara (played by Sara Paxton) and to some extend Dennis (played by Chris Carmack). The rest of the characters were nothing more than bystanders with shallow stories to contribute to the plot.

The cast themselves were good, though. The people they had cast for the various roles actually did good jobs, and that was the main thing that "Shark Night" had working for it.

Having seen "Shark Night" now I feel very disappointed and cheated out of my time, because this movie was disappointing on so many levels. It is only once in awhile that there is a really nice shark movie to hit the market, "Shark Night" however, wasn't one of them.

And the ending of the movie, are you kidding me? Come on! I am not going to spoil it here by revealing it, but wow, that was an ending you saw coming a mile away, and it was just so anti-climatic.

The college friends Nick (Dustin Milligan), Beth (Katharine McPhee), Malik (Sinqua Walls), Maya (Alyssa Diaz), Blake (Chris Zylka) and Gordon (Joel David Moore) are invited by their friend Sara Palski (Sara Paxton) to spend the weekend at her saltwater lake house in Louisiana. They stop at a bar to buy supplies and Malik has a friction with the rednecks Red (Joshua Leonard) and Dennis Crim (Chris Carmack), but Sara resolves the situation since Dennis is her ex-boyfriend. Then the group meets another friend of Sara, Sheriff Greg Sabin (Donal Logue).

When Malik is skiing in the lake, he has a severed arm by a shark and his friends seek for help. But sooner they learn that the lake is infested of different species of sharks and they have a more dangerous problem threatening them.

"Shark Night 3D" is a silly and absurd rip-off "Jaws" with the storyline that recalls "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", with a group of youngsters that travels to the countryside and are slaughtered by sharks. They are actually victims of a gang of psychopaths that make money in a website with snuff movies showing the sharks attacking and killing people. Chris Carmack is scary with his psychotic behavior but the film is dull, ridiculous and the special effects are very poor. But maybe the greatest problem is that "Shark Night 3D" is a B-movie with the pretension of being a serious movie. My vote is four.

Title (Brazil): "Terror na Água 3D" ("Terror in the Water 3D")

I was not expecting something as enjoyable or over the top as last year's Piranha 3D but I was at least expecting some time killing shark attack fun. It seems however that they couldn't even pull that off.

The script is horrific and the plot is ho-hum but more importantly, takes way too long to get going. Every character is dull and hollow and the stale acting doesn't help. But in all honesty this could be forgiven had the film actually delivered on what was expected. There's surprisingly very little in the way of shark carnage. The PG13 rating means death scenes mostly consist of some flailing in red water. Other death scenes are almost completely off-screen. I'm not a gore fanatic but when the film has nothing else going for it, this could have easily saved it to a degree. They don't even capitalize on the 3D. There were a few genuinely creepy moments in the film that actually made me want to cover my eyes (something I haven't wanted to do in over 15 years)but these are so few and far between. I longed for more of these but the film seems to be too interested in silly melodramatic plot. The film also just takes itself way too seriously to the point where it just isn't fun to watch... which is all you'd be wanting going into a 3D horror movie about sharks.

It's a cheap attempt to cash in on the success of 'Piranha 3D' but without the tongue-in-cheek self-awareness or over the top gory thrills, there's very little to recommend in 'Shark Night 3D'. It could have worked as a campy throwback or It could have even worked as a more serious horror movie because I did feel uneasy at times but it really doesn't do either any justice.

Seven young and pretty undergraduates head to a secluded lakeside cottage in Louisiana to take a load off and enjoy a wild and crazy weekend away. But things take a turn for the worst when a member of the group is attacked by a shark. Isolated with no cell service and no help in sight, the group quickly realizes they are on their own, but the water around them is not safe.

I wanted Shark Night 3D to be as fun as Piranha 3D was last year. Despite the PG-13 rating, I held onto a desperate hope that it would somehow manage to live up to that level of gleeful insanity and absolutely ridiculous trashiness. I knew deep down it would never be anywhere near comparable, but everything about the film suggested it would be an enjoyable ride.

Sadly, this is not the case.

Instead of getting a ridiculous movie about sharks mauling pretty 20- somethings that embraces the sheer silliness of the very idea, we get a deadly serious, high-concept slasher film that seems to have no concept of what fun is. Sure we get the typical horror movie wise ass quips sprinkled here and there, and some rather intriguing reasoning as to why the attacks are occurring. But in-between these moments, we get stilted dialogue, wooden performances, characters with next to no dimensionality whatsoever, and just about nothing else. Despite it being 2011, the film feels like it belongs to a different era – one where it has not realized how outrageous and frivolous the genre has become. It offers nothing new by way of ideas or story, and somehow thinks an ode to Jaws at the beginning of the film is appropriate. I initially wanted to criticize Shark Night for cribbing from Piranha. But in watching the film, it is obvious they learned absolutely nothing from Alexandre Aja and his crew.

But while the bad story and worse acting are to be expected, what is really disappointing is just how much of a grand tease the whole movie is. The rating may be a contributing factor, but the only thing it seems to cut out is gratuitous nudity. The T and A is still plentiful, and the film is actually surprisingly graphic in some instances. But the majority of deaths, the best part of any slasher film, are merely hinted at. We see characters get pulled underwater, and just when you think we will see their grisly end, the film inexplicably cuts to the next scene. Hell, we do not even get the obligatory shot confirming that a character did indeed die. How do we know they did not manage to fight off the shark and survive to fight another day? And since there are about ten people in the entire cast, most of which meet an untimely end, that is a whole lot of teasing and not a lot of pay off. I can only think of one that is explicitly shown, and even that seemed like it was pushing it based on what happens during the rest of the film. It is all very arbitrary, but it seems like a rather obscene faux pas on the part of the filmmakers.

Remember how comically bad and exaggerated the piranha looked in Piranha 3D? Somehow, the sharks in Shark Night 3D look even worse. There is nothing realistic about them. They look more cartoonish than anything, standing out as not even attempting to look like they belong in any of the scenes. They make memories of the shark from Jaws appear more frighteningly authentic than I thought possible. But this is only when the sharks are swimming around underwater, looking menacing and hungry . When they actually interact with the characters, they look absolutely absurd and preposterous. A shot involving a shark leaping out of the water to attack one of the characters as he zips by on a jet-ski looks even worse than those ludicrously awful effects you may have seen from Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. They may actually qualify for some of the worst effects in the past decade. Surely the special effects team realized they were working on an actual movie with a budget, and not some straight-to-DVD Asylum knockoff. So what could possibly be there excuse for such a terrible job?

I think the only thing I remotely enjoyed was how impressive the underwater shots looked in 3D. They were clearly shot with the format in mind, and look absolutely stunning even with a fake shark in the background. They frequently took me entirely out of the film, as they look like they belong in a significantly better project. The shots are just so tranquil and so beautiful that they may make you forget what an awful movie you are sitting through. With the exception of an over-the- top explosion, this is just about the only thing that sizzles in 3D. There are no other elements that even attempt to take advantage of the format.

When I tell you that Shark Night 3D is one of the worst films of the year, with next to no redeeming qualities, you better believe I am not lying. I was hoping it would be somewhat fun, but instead it was one of the most annoying and agonizing films I have ever put myself through. The film is too serious to be enjoyable, and fails to deliver in almost every respect. The filmmakers and cast should be ashamed of themselves. When the credits rolled, I could not leave the theatre fast enough because I was ashamed to have actually watched it. Apparently there is a rap music video after the credits conclude, featuring the entire cast. Somehow, I still do not think this could make up for the travesty you have to put yourself through to get to it.

3/10.

(An extended review also appeared on http://www.geekspeakmagazine.com).

This movie is just as irresponsible as the horrible "torture porn" seen in recent years. In this movie, we are still subjected to the most malevolent of human behavior, but they use sharks instead of saws, cages and bondage. And make damn sure we mutilate young adults while they are barely dressed so we can become aroused by the beauty of the human body and then become horrified at the dismemberment. It never ceases to amaze me what incredibly horrific visions today's young filmmakers can dream up. Even more pathetic, someone is paying them to do it. When the audience finally says "no I won't watch this tasteless, senseless waste of talent and money," perhaps they will stop making it.

Not likely, unfortunately.