Shark 3D

I admit I never expected this creature feature to be a masterpiece; it's really just popcorn entertainment. This is for people who plan on leaving the real, critical world and just enjoy a nice, wild, bloody flick...with sharks. For me, I found it surprising that this flick made it to theaters so there has to be some value to the movie and, to some degree, there is.

Interestingly, the plot is rather creative: college teens go to one of their homes in a salt water lake, unknown to them that several different species of sharks are put there by some locals with sick intentions. We have some typical teen stereotypes, some of which are at least interesting while others not so much. A few of the characters are either stupid or just plain creepy (suitable for a movie like this).

What I like here is that the filmmakers use different kinds of sharks besides the usual great white. Species include hammerhead, bull, and even cookie cutter (which was a real surprise). I'm glad that they were getting creative with the use of differing creatures. The sharks are pretty scary and there are some moments that will shock you.

Unlike "Piranha 3D", Shark Night actually has a good enough plot, some amount of character development, decent back story, and some good creature moments. I guess this movie literally has a bigger bite than "Piranha 3D." While far from great, Shark Night is at least an entertaining flick, worth the watch once or twice. Wanna see some good old killer shark fun? Then check this action out. Just make sure you're not bleeding when you enter the water.

This movie is just as irresponsible as the horrible "torture porn" seen in recent years. In this movie, we are still subjected to the most malevolent of human behavior, but they use sharks instead of saws, cages and bondage. And make damn sure we mutilate young adults while they are barely dressed so we can become aroused by the beauty of the human body and then become horrified at the dismemberment. It never ceases to amaze me what incredibly horrific visions today's young filmmakers can dream up. Even more pathetic, someone is paying them to do it. When the audience finally says "no I won't watch this tasteless, senseless waste of talent and money," perhaps they will stop making it.

Not likely, unfortunately.

I was not expecting something as enjoyable or over the top as last year's Piranha 3D but I was at least expecting some time killing shark attack fun. It seems however that they couldn't even pull that off.

The script is horrific and the plot is ho-hum but more importantly, takes way too long to get going. Every character is dull and hollow and the stale acting doesn't help. But in all honesty this could be forgiven had the film actually delivered on what was expected. There's surprisingly very little in the way of shark carnage. The PG13 rating means death scenes mostly consist of some flailing in red water. Other death scenes are almost completely off-screen. I'm not a gore fanatic but when the film has nothing else going for it, this could have easily saved it to a degree. They don't even capitalize on the 3D. There were a few genuinely creepy moments in the film that actually made me want to cover my eyes (something I haven't wanted to do in over 15 years)but these are so few and far between. I longed for more of these but the film seems to be too interested in silly melodramatic plot. The film also just takes itself way too seriously to the point where it just isn't fun to watch... which is all you'd be wanting going into a 3D horror movie about sharks.

It's a cheap attempt to cash in on the success of 'Piranha 3D' but without the tongue-in-cheek self-awareness or over the top gory thrills, there's very little to recommend in 'Shark Night 3D'. It could have worked as a campy throwback or It could have even worked as a more serious horror movie because I did feel uneasy at times but it really doesn't do either any justice.

The college friends Nick (Dustin Milligan), Beth (Katharine McPhee), Malik (Sinqua Walls), Maya (Alyssa Diaz), Blake (Chris Zylka) and Gordon (Joel David Moore) are invited by their friend Sara Palski (Sara Paxton) to spend the weekend at her saltwater lake house in Louisiana. They stop at a bar to buy supplies and Malik has a friction with the rednecks Red (Joshua Leonard) and Dennis Crim (Chris Carmack), but Sara resolves the situation since Dennis is her ex-boyfriend. Then the group meets another friend of Sara, Sheriff Greg Sabin (Donal Logue).

When Malik is skiing in the lake, he has a severed arm by a shark and his friends seek for help. But sooner they learn that the lake is infested of different species of sharks and they have a more dangerous problem threatening them.

"Shark Night 3D" is a silly and absurd rip-off "Jaws" with the storyline that recalls "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", with a group of youngsters that travels to the countryside and are slaughtered by sharks. They are actually victims of a gang of psychopaths that make money in a website with snuff movies showing the sharks attacking and killing people. Chris Carmack is scary with his psychotic behavior but the film is dull, ridiculous and the special effects are very poor. But maybe the greatest problem is that "Shark Night 3D" is a B-movie with the pretension of being a serious movie. My vote is four.

Title (Brazil): "Terror na Água 3D" ("Terror in the Water 3D")

Sara (Sara Paxton) and her college friends travel to her lake house on the Louisiana Gulf for a wild weekend of beer pong, sunbathing, and death by shark. Be mindful of the PG-13 rating because, if you go into this expecting the finned version of Aja's silicon laden Piranha 3D, you'll be sorely disappointed. The most you're going to get to feast your eyes on is a brief shot of Katharine McPhee's and Alyssa Diaz's side boobs.

It's light on the carnage and heavy on the sentimental and often over-dramatic monologues. The gore is pretty watered down for the teen/tween audience. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing - it's a boring thing. While there are quite a few deaths, the attacks are short cut scenes that end with the camera lingering over pools of red coloring dye to signify, yep, they're dead.

What's missing from this humdinger is good ol' fashioned fun. Most of its ilk celebrate the B-movie campiness with richly funny dialog, revel in the opportunity to mock its genre, or totally go off the deep end with exaggerated kills and/or gratuitous nudity. I realize Shark Night 3D wasn't made to be an in-your-face exploitation film but it's not Open Water either. It falls to the wayside because it has no guts, literally and figuratively.