The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

If it weren't for the talented actors and the notorious positive reviews and ratings spamming, I wouldn't have known that The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure existed. After seeing it to see if it was as bad as all that, a big part of me wishes it stayed like that. The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is really as horrendous as everyone says. The colours are bright, but not in a good way, the whole movie has a garish feel that only accentuates the movie's overall tackiness. The costumes are so creepy that they induce nightmares, Barney and the Teletubbies are tame in comparison, while the songs are some of the worst I've heard, the lyrics are incredibly childish and the tunes will leave you cringing. That they're badly sung doesn't help though. The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure isn't fun, educational or endearing in the slightest. The writing is as childish as the songs, with the humour and gags being enough to insult a 5 year old and traumatise children younger than that. They are not funny at all, and can be seen as inappropriate. Education value is low on the radar, people will almost certainly be saying "why am I being being "taught" something I already know?" and they won't appreciate that it's done in a way that talks down to them rather than engage. The story is full of repetition and goes nowhere a lot of the time, there are stretches where there is a strong temptation to nod off. 5 year olds won't even need to see this movie to do and learn the stuff that is shown in the movie, so that makes The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure pointless as well as repetitive and dull. Don't expect Christopher Lloyd, Cloris Leachman, Cary Elwes and Chazz Palminteri to make The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure watchable. They are saddled with characters that are impossible to like or engage with, dialogue that shows even them looking embarrassed and they are poorly utilised, they try but just can't do anything with what they're given. It is a waste of real talent, which is one of the worst things a film can commit in my opinion. And the less said about the truly obnoxious titular characters the better. In short, a horrendous movie, which along with Foodfight! is one of the absolute worst movies seen by me in a fair while. It fares terribly as a family movie, and is even worse for its main target audience too. 0/10 Bethany Cox

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd consider putting myself up for adoption.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd fling fecal matter at the screen.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd throw a tantrum just to get taken out of the theater.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd never want to see another movie again.

This movie was not good.

Don't take your kids to see this garbage. There are TV shows far superior to this. There are classic movies far superior to this. Last year's Winnie The Pooh is perfect for kids. Show them that.

Not this sludge.

Really, people?

I mean, I saw the movie. I saw it just to see how bad it was. Oh, I was not disappointed. And it seemed like at the time everyone else agreed on how bad it was, considering it had a 1.7 rating here on IMDb. About three quarters of a year later, here we are with 4.9? How did this happen?

So people just decide to up and suddenly praise this movie? Yep, seems likely. I did a little research on a lot of these "reviewers", due to outrage and a bit of summer boredom, I'll admit that right there. Here are my findings: Many of them were not only posted within a span of four days or so, but most of them have "The Oogieloves" as their only review ever made. Also, those accounts were made exactly one month and three weeks ago from today. What are the odds? Not to mention their usernames follow the format FirstnameLastnameNumber. Is it possible for everyone to just up and decide that? Poorly executed cover. Maybe this is true, and maybe it isn't, but to me it looks as if Kenn Viselman, the "marketing visionary", is getting desperate and is asking people to give his "film" good publicity. How else do you explain this sudden spike in votes and reviews? And if this really is true, then maybe Kenn was lying through his teeth when he said it "wasn't about the money". I mean, seriously. If it's not about the money, why the heck would you credit yourself as "marketing visionary" in the trailer? Does anyone see the irony in that? We're not that stupid. (Funny, I can imagine kids all over the world saying that to their parents when they saw the trailer.) Not to mention, if this is Mr. Viselman's way of compensating, then he must not be very good at his job. When you have to literally hire people to like your movie, then quit your occupation. That's like paying people to cheer you on at your baseball game. That's a bust. You've hit rock bottom, Kenn.

And this film truly deserves more bad views than it already has. Three over-sized, fully-clothed Teletub- er, I mean Oogieloves- go on a quest to find five magic balloons for their friend Schluufy. After all, it is his birthday (it is a he, right?). Okay, that's not a bad set up. It's simple enough. But we need to keep the parents entertained. Let's spice it up with some C-list celebrity cameos! I watch them sing and dance in this movie, and I bury my head in my hands, wondering "Why, Prince Wesley, why? Detective Kujan, what are you doing with your life? Doc Brown, if only you had your DeLorean to travel into your future and see this pile of dung!" It's sad, really. However, even when watching the movie, I think to myself "So what's so bad about this movie?"

It's not how poorly-made it is, how badly-written the songs are, or how embarrassing the cameos are. It's the fact that they think this is what kids need. Do children really need three crudely designed gigantors talking down to them (literally) as if they were stupid? This is WAY past pandering, it's babying. Many people would respond to this, saying "Oh abrown975, you've gone too far. It's just a kids movie. It doesn't have to be perfect." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. "Oh come on, it's just a toy. It doesn't have to be perfect." "Lighten up, it's just a baby swing. So what if it's shoddily made?" "It's okay, it's just a pacifier. Why would it need to be child-safe?" Let me put things in perspective if I haven't done that accurately. Is "Barney's Great Adventure" a kids movie? Yes, and it was horrible. Is "The Lion King" a kids movie? Absolutely, but it's currently rated the #1 animated movie of all time on IMDb. What about "Mac and Me"? How great was that? Not at all. What about "Up"? Um, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, need I remind you.

Just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean quality has to be abandoned. Using "How can children tell?" as an excuse is just a blatant cop-out. It's laziness, no matter how "revolutionary" the idea is.

THAT'S why "The Oogieloves In the Big Balloon Adventure" is not only a horrible children's movie, but just a movie by itself.

And that's exactly why I say you should definitely watch it. WHAT A TWIST! Yes, that's right. Watch this horrible piece of poo. Watch it with your friends. Make fun of it. Have fun. This is the "Troll 2" of our generation. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" has prepared us for this exact moment.

Huh, maybe this was Kenn Viselman's plan all along to get viewers. Perhaps he really is a successful "marketing visionary" after all. Well played, Mr. Viselman.

This movie still sucks though, no matter how many PR people are telling us otherwise.

UPDATE: 6.3!

UPDATE 2: 7! This is unbelievable.

This had to be the worst kids' movie I have ever seen in my life; my four year old and I we were the only two in the theater watching it today; she must have asked me 10 times if the movie was over and if it was time to go. The voices didn't match up to the film and the whole thing was a big old' mess. The songs were silly and not in a good, silly for kids way; just silly and meaningless. We missed the first few minutes, which I usually hate, but I think that save us a few more minutes of misery. Perhaps the glow stick had something to do with the beginning that we missed, but she kept asking me what it was for. I like the idea of kids being able to interact, and maybe if there had been someone else in the theater, she would have been motivated to get up, but it just didn't work.

***UPDATE - Another bogus review added by someone who JUSt registered and NEVER reviewed anything before, and still it's on 1.9!

***UPDATE*** Worst movie opening of ALL time - the American public speaks!

Firstly, I have a pre schooler and I watch a lot of kids movies and TV. Dora can be a little annoying at times to me, but I can see it's educational value and that it has a plot, a point, some thought went into the episodes.

The Oogieloves had a bad plot, bad writing, bad songs, bad acting and was quite frankly and insult to your average pre schooler.

One of the reviews here said it was for 8 years and under, and I say to that NO WAY IN HECK! You will not find a kid above 5 wanting to sit through this garbage.

It makes the lack lustre The Lorax (of which most would say the book was far superior), seem like it should have garnered numerous Oscars.

If I was a writer on this project I would have told them they didn't have to put my name in the credits, it's THAT awful.

NOW, to the bogus reviews - there are 5 here as of this moment - 1 is a good review by someone who has written a lot of reviews, so I can respect that they found something appealing in this pile of dross that I obviously didn't see. 2 are awful reviews like mine, written by people, like me, who have written other reviews.

Two of the reviews are bogus in my opinion, probably written by someone in connection to the movie, since neither of these people has EVER written a review on ANYTHING before. Does that scream fake review to you? Even with the bogus reviews this movie is only on a 2.2 so far, that should tell you it's just plain bad.

Don't even rent it from a Redbox, it's not even worth that much! Parents everywhere hear me, you're going to be happy in a couple of weeks because Finding Nemo is coming back to theaters, save your money and take the little guys to that - they haven't seen it on the big screen and it's even going to be 3D too, now THAT is a movie worth your movie ticket bucks.

I would have given this a zero with no qualms at all, except that there is no option for a zero out of ten!