London Underworld

When you have a film that casts Craig Fairbrass, Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, Billy Murray, Danny (Fah-kin) Dyer, Steven Berkoff, and Ricky Grover, to name but a few, you'd probably expect to see a British cult classic. Unfortunately, this isn't one. Directed by Steven Lawson, and written by Jonathan Sothcott, Nick Onsloe, and Ben Sillito, this 'Black & Blue Films' production is just as classy as the production companies other piles of steaming content ("Strippers vs Werewolves" (2012), "Devil's Playground" (2010), "7 Lives" (2011)). This action-horror film was released in 2010, rated 15 and has a runtime of 92 excruciating long minutes.

A cockney hardman who has invested all his money into a club loses it when he backs the wrong fighter. Romanian gangsters take it over, but unbeknown to anyone, they also happen to be vampires. The fight is on - for the club; for survival; and for ratings too as this film is practically a cheap rip-off of "From Dusk till Dawn". There... I said it.

This film takes itself seriously and wants to be a gritty gangster film which crosses genres and touches on horror too. In truth it does neither convincingly well. Split into two parts the first is about the gangsters, while the second is aimed at the vampires - but it takes close to an hour before anything interesting happens - by which time I didn't care about anything or anybody anymore. Sure, it has cockney's in it that elicit buckets of blood (even though it's CGI blood at times), yes there are vampires, there is a bit of female flesh on display (don't get your hopes up, scantily clad, not naked), lots of violence and gore, and plenty of effing and jeffing (bad language)... but that's about it really, barring the occasional famous face appearing and then disappearing this film brings nothing new to the game, and just rehashes tried and tested films.

I was disappointed, but maybe that is because I expected a 'Black & Blue' film to be good. This felt like a waste of talent with good actors not utilised for their ability, but more so for their accent. I would be hard pressed to recommend this and I can't see this film having much future success or cult fame.

Not only does ex-East End wrong 'un turned legit entrepreneur Freddy 'Dead Cert' Frankham (Craig Fairbrass) lose his best friend in a bare-knuckle smack-down with ruthless head-case Yuvesky (Dave Legeno), but he also loses his livelihood, having unwisely staked his business (strip club The Paradise, which somehow boasts one of the best rooftop views in London) in a wager against Romanian gangster Dante Livenko (Billy Murray). More than a little miffed, Freddy and his dodgy mates decide to seek retribution for their pal's demise and take back what was theirs, only to discover that Livenko and his thugs are vampires.

Brit gangster/vampire flick Dead Cert hardly explores new ground, essentially being a fairly low-budget Cockney retread of 90s Tarantino/Rodriguez genre mash-up From Dusk Till Dawn. But despite scoring low in the originality department, the film still manages to be reasonably entertaining enough nonsense for its duration thanks to its colourful collection of criminals performed by a veritable Who's Who of affordable London actors. The film's splendid cast includes Dexter Fletcher and Jason Flemyng, counts no less than three ex-Eastenders stars amongst its number (Murray, Fairbrass, and Ricky Grover), and also features the likes of Steven Berkoff, Perry Benson ('Dad' from Mum & Dad), and Danny-bloody-Dyer, making this film more Cockney than a pearly king and queen eating jellied eels in Bethnal Green. Watching these guys do their thing is a blast.

Where the film doesn't work quite so well is in pulling off the awkward genre switchover from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels style gangster shenanigans to vampire flick: the change comes way too late in the day and is all too sudden, leaving viewers no time to adjust to the shift and giving the film little opportunity to make the most of its horror aspect. Other negatives include a lack of nudity from the busty beauties who work in the Paradise (for a strip club, there ain't much skin on show) and Billy Murray not bothering to adopt a Romanian accent (the makers were obviously so pleased to have him on board they wrote an excuse for this into the script). A few juicy stakings and a unique solution to the vampire problem go some way to compensating for these less than perfect elements in the film's finalé.

I don't know where to start or how to.....the only thing rolling over my head right now is , please please don't make me think about this movie again ....

let me start with the sound quality ......frankly its kind of b grade movie (which only gets into the market on dvds)..or may be its British ascent..truth ,( I'm living in London rite now ) but really British ascent sounds really bad in movies..

The vampires in this movie are ( what to say ) like unvampi ..( i made that word myself after watching lol)

The whole movie is around the strip club corner and Jesus !! there isn't a single flashing of skin ...the girls are so dumb..and the whole plot of the movie is dumb(or weired), and the story isn't that compelling only the good part is the night ,dark,bluish color of the movie which turns your head towards the TV.....but as a whole ...better not waste your time in this one , i'd prefer if you don't know what to do with your time then get a good nap .....fellas ... SAVE YOUR TIME .

I do wonder, what the makers of this movie were watching from Dusk til Dawn, to come up with the movie ... Seriously though: You can hate the movie completely (obviously there are quite some flaws, starting from "acting", continuing with a bad script and not necessarily ending with a weak direction) or you can try to enjoy it a bit (which a few people actually did).

I know it didn't go down very well at the Frightfest, so maybe that is saying something. I guess I gave the movie the benefit of the doubt and still wasn't too disappointed. Well not as disappointed as some other movies I have seen. The action scenes are not the best, but not the worst either (from similar movies that is).

This movie wasn't entirely terrible but it certainly won't be embracing my DVD player for quite a while. It semi works as a gangster flick, in brief a rival gang tries to take over an established patch. This has worked in the past and could have possibly worked now. Considering the cast of British stars that appear in it, Craig Fairbrass, jason Flemyng and Dexter fletcher to name a few.

But then... The vampire bit seems to pop up. It feels like they couldn't really pick a decent way for the movie to go and decided it would be a good idea to throw a couple of bloodsuckers in. The culminating scene near the end of the movie becoming like a poor mans from dusk till dawn.

It falls slightly short of a gangster flick and slightly short of a horror flick it's one of those that I'm sure you will be on the fence about. The only real qualm i had with thee movie is billy murray's romanian character... Without a hint of a romanian accent Try the film by all means but don't get your hopes up to high.