La relique maudite

Although the premise is an interesting one, in execution Dark Relic just doesn't cut it and remains a typical product of the SyFy network, albeit of British origin.

In the Catholic world there are reported to be many pieces of the 'true cross' from which Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. Some of them are no more than splinters, but James Frain and his ragtag group of crusaders have a nice chunk of wood in which the biblical inscription about Jesus being King of the Jews is carved.

When they take the thing back to Rome all kinds of things start happening to them. Monsters and demons of all kinds, monks become possessed and they can't get rid of the thing and it won't burn. What to do.

I think the idea here is that the true cross from which the Son of God was crucified is not an item of veneration, in fact logically speaking it should be a cursed piece of wood. Our wandering group finds this out too late. Along the way they meet some Moslems led by Alyy Khan and arrive at an uneasy truce with them.

Dark Relic has an interesting premise, maybe in the hands of a Stephen King it could have realized its possibilities, but not here.

Probably looked good on paper. A legend about the crucifix surviving until medieval times, some knights on a quest to find and secure it, and some demonic plagues besetting the knights. Lots of action, story, and special effects about supernatural power; right? Wrong.

A rag-tag group of people are thrown together on this Indy Jones type relic hunt that argue about everything, from spirituality to the best brand of toothpaste. Argue, argue, argue. It gets annoying real fast, and one can only hope they have a sword battle that shuts them all up permanently.

The premise held potential, but is hopelessly obscured behind this foolishness. You could watch one of those cable TV political argument shows and get the same thing.

God love those Syfy TV productions. The medieval horror "Dark Relic" ticks all the boxes, from what we come to expect. It's a glossy (even though the visuals are poorly staged - fake looking backdrops), but terribly bland outing with dismal computer effects (this especially goes to the wolf's attack), cheap set-designs and props, preachy dialogues and a real lack of pacing. Aside from one or two creative moments (possessed monks in a monastery), it was a complete bore. A small group of ragged crusaders are returning home from the holy lands with a holy relic, which they come to discover, is cursed as dark forces begin to make their journey hell. The lackadaisical plot is routine in its narrative drive, the lousy action simply lumbers along and the characters are lazily pitched ("They are our friends"). The performances (led by James Frain) are suitable enough. There's little in the way of fun, as it's stiltedly uninteresting entertainment.

I couldn't sit through it. Special effects looked like my Nintendo 64, which is unacceptable for a 2010 movie. They were seriously laughable, like what you would see in a movie half way through post-production. The writing was predictable and unrealistic (supernatural beings aside), the dialogue was forced and awkward, the acting was mostly mediocre, and the photography looked amateurish. I chose it because I assumed the fact that James Frain was in it meant that the movie was at least well done. I enjoyed his acting in The Tudors and The Cape, but obviously he just jumped at not being cast as the bad guy for once. Terrible. Don't watch it. I meant to give it half a star, but unfortunately that's not an option.

I give this flick a two because of the good idea. Finding a part of the real cross and being attacked by demons, could have been a good story.

But ... At the first pictures of the movie you see crusaders after the war in clean cloth, with clean faces and fingernails. Well thats the point where you have to realize that it will be something like a lame Scifi channel production. But it gets worse.

The discussions are what makes this movie really unrealistic. From the beginning of the movie everybody permanently tells the crusaders that the crusade maybe was a bad idea and it may not have been a holy war. When this the first time happens i got a smile on my face because i thought: All right heretic, that were your last words and now the slaughtering starts. But the crusaders in this movie are real open minded. They are open to discuss everything. Its allowed to call the crusade a bad idea all the time, its allowed to tell them that muslims and christians are basically the same religion and it is also allowed to tell them that Jesus was not the son of god. They are fine with all of that. The Muslim warrior which joins them later is also open for all this questions. The crusaders and the Muslim warrior do not have any problems with each other because ... the war is over.

Oh, by the way. Now and then some bad made CGI creatures appear and disturb their discussion.

I did not watch the movie to the end. If i want to see a hypocritical debate about religion which includes some ugly creatures, then i just will watch the next TV debate about this subject.

So what is this all about? It seems like someone wanted to make a movie about religious tolerance between muslims, cristians and atheists based on the example of a happy group of crusaders and Muslim warriors. Well, good for him. But next time he should show this to his left wing lesbian vegetarian discussion group in private and do not publish it and steal 1,5 hours of the live time of fantasy movie fans.