La relique maudite

Although the premise is an interesting one, in execution Dark Relic just doesn't cut it and remains a typical product of the SyFy network, albeit of British origin.

In the Catholic world there are reported to be many pieces of the 'true cross' from which Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. Some of them are no more than splinters, but James Frain and his ragtag group of crusaders have a nice chunk of wood in which the biblical inscription about Jesus being King of the Jews is carved.

When they take the thing back to Rome all kinds of things start happening to them. Monsters and demons of all kinds, monks become possessed and they can't get rid of the thing and it won't burn. What to do.

I think the idea here is that the true cross from which the Son of God was crucified is not an item of veneration, in fact logically speaking it should be a cursed piece of wood. Our wandering group finds this out too late. Along the way they meet some Moslems led by Alyy Khan and arrive at an uneasy truce with them.

Dark Relic has an interesting premise, maybe in the hands of a Stephen King it could have realized its possibilities, but not here.

The acting was find. The CGI was just horrible. It needed another 10-20 million for budget.

God love those Syfy TV productions. The medieval horror "Dark Relic" ticks all the boxes, from what we come to expect. It's a glossy (even though the visuals are poorly staged - fake looking backdrops), but terribly bland outing with dismal computer effects (this especially goes to the wolf's attack), cheap set-designs and props, preachy dialogues and a real lack of pacing. Aside from one or two creative moments (possessed monks in a monastery), it was a complete bore. A small group of ragged crusaders are returning home from the holy lands with a holy relic, which they come to discover, is cursed as dark forces begin to make their journey hell. The lackadaisical plot is routine in its narrative drive, the lousy action simply lumbers along and the characters are lazily pitched ("They are our friends"). The performances (led by James Frain) are suitable enough. There's little in the way of fun, as it's stiltedly uninteresting entertainment.

I cannot believe I sat through this whole thing, but that's how bored I was before -- mercifully -- having to head off to work Sunday afternoon. Tepid tale about a group of knights carrying home a piece of the one true cross at the end of one of the Crusades. Unfortunately, this piece of wood attracts a demon, which in turn unleashes various plagues on them, including assaults by dead birds, wolves and bats -- or maybe they were locusts. It was hard to tell. Most of the time, the soldiers and others they meet along the way just stand around and talk. And talk. And then stand around some more. The demon is on screen for a few seconds in the middle and then for a couple of minutes at the end, but clearly this is where the majority of the movie's budget went. The film is just another in the endless stream of bad Sci-Fi Channel CGI creature features. The acting is not as bad as the dialog, thank God, but we do have to suffer listening to accents that range from veddy British to straight outta Brooklyn. What a waste. The occasional sword fights are clumsily staged, and the final battle with the demon is even worse. A brief sequence involving possessed monks in a monastery looks like it was pieced together from outtakes from Sam Raimi's ARMY OF DARKNESS. I am giving this dreadful flick a 2 instead of a 1 for the two very hot-looking babes who accompany the ragtag band of soldiers. It doesn't say here, but clearly this was shot in either Canada or Romania. Same difference. Boring scenery, bad mix of accents. By the way, instead of watching this, catch the Hollywood oldie-but-moldy, THE MAGIC SWORD (aka ST. GEORGE AND THE SEVEN CURSES). It has a similar plot and is a heckuva lot more entertaining and fun.

The idea was interesting, so I was willing to forgive the budget quality if it was a watchable movie at the least. Apart from this odd if very interesting idea and the good performances of James Frain and Alyy Khan, Dark Relic was anything but. Apart from these two performances, the rest of the acting is at best mediocre. A number of things didn't help them at all. The characters are little more than obnoxious stereotypes that we learn nothing about, while the dialogue constantly has a very awkward feel to it. There is nothing exciting in the story at all, which suffers further from a complete lack of coherence. The special effects are of really poor standard, I wasn't expecting high art of course considering the budget but these looked like examples of somebody not even trying. The camera work is hackneyed, while the direction is flat and the monster is very underused and as far from menacing as you can come. So all in all, dull and cheap, essentially a pretty poor but slightly redeemable SyFy movie that doesn't have much if any kind of value. 2/10 Bethany Cox