Malibu Shark Attack

OK. I saw this piece of rubbish on our Space channel. I couldn't believe how bad it was. It was so bad Donkey Punch was actually better. Clichéd. Bad acting or was it over acting. Still I watched with fascination this train wreck. Or was it a shark wreck. As to the sharks. Well they were, what can I say, over the top!

If there was one thing I kept hoping for it was that all of them, and I mean all of them were eaten by the sharks. It would save us a lot of pain.

But sometimes it is just fun to watch a really bad movie. No not Ed Wood bad but well just bad.

Watch if you dare!!!!!!

Quite possibly the most wasted 20 minutes of all my life, that's all I could stand of this disaster! I have seen dozens if not hundreds of B movies in my life but really, this movie has to be classified as a Z movie. Horrible dialogue, worse acting, and a plot so thin that you can sift flour through it. From the opening sequence to just the simple physics of the tsunami, it's just so improbable. I mean I know movies are movies, but just the smallest symbolance of reality is needed to make it worth watching in fast frame. I will give most movie at least a half hour of my time but as I said earlier, 20 minutes in and I was ready to vomit. 200 channels and still nothing on. Really I need to write ten lines to really convey how bad this flick is.

I gave this film a six out of ten simply because it really isn't a good movie, although, it is highly entertaining. This is the type of movie that used to keep me from changing the channel.

Syfy (formerly Sci-fi Channel) used to show 90% - 95% science fiction, with IMO about 1/2 of the programming being fairly good shows and the other half being cheesy, goofy, and really not that good, but still all very entertaining. They have since outweighed their science fiction shows and movies with Syfy Original reality TV programming. This has cause me to change channels, and often avoid Syfy for days while nothing but reality TV programming and early morning infomercials dominate several days of each week. My TV used to be locked on Syfy, only changing to other channels for a few hours each week to watch some of my favorite new shows on other networks, like Fringe, Smallville, Heroes, and a few others here and there, but I would always return the channel to Syfy when those other shows were over.

Movies like this one, "Malibu Shark Attack" are great to have on while working from home, surfing the Internet, and doing other things that take attention away from the TV show that is on. I can't count the number of times I've either missed a good show and been upset for this same reason, or failed to get something done that was important because I was watching something really good on TV. Having movies like this on, which is why I used to love Syfy, is a gift. I can watch it and be entertained if I'd like or have it on in the background and get something done (like this review I'm writing right now as this movie is showing - I've seen it at least twice already) knowing that it will show again within several weeks.

A movie doesn't have to be great to be worth watching. This movie is, as I say again, entertaining. I would rather watch this, and movies of this quality (or lack thereof if you prefer) and be entertained than watch reality TV programming about anything, and that's what is taking over Syfy and much of television today. If you don't have to see a great movie and want something entertaining, good enough to hold your attention if you'd like, and has decent (or at least fun) effects, this movie is for you. Someone mentioned in one of these review that they don't know where Malibu is located. I don't live far from Malibu, which is in one of the most well known counties and states in the country, so for those few who haven't heard of landslides in Malibu, oceanfront property, celebrities who live in Malibu, or one of many other references to Malibu, I'll throw you one bone - Pacific Coast Highway runs through it. If you still don't know, look it up. You're on the Internet, so Google it! In any event, enjoy "Malibu Shark Attack!"

This have got to be one of the worst shark movies I have ever seen. It was so full of things that made you want to yank out your hair by the root.

First, let's talk about the acting, actually most of the actors and actresses performed well enough. Of course, don't expect to see any award winning performances, but they weren't as bad as to be expected from a movie of this type.

Then moving on to the sharks. Goblin sharks? Alrighty then, why not? What was up with the snouts and the spikes along the ridge of their backs? And the way that they always had to open and close their mouths like as if communicating somehow? And how come they repeatedly showed the same clip over and over again, just mirroring it from time to time.

What's next? Oh yeah, lets throw a tsunami into the equation, as if crappy CGI sharks weren't enough. This was the worst-looking CGI animated tsunami in movie history. And they said in the movie that it was a massive wall of water standing 100 feet tall, and yet it did no damage to those wooden huts belonging to the beach life guards? Yeah, okay. But it managed to put places 30 feet underwater, but did no damage what so ever to those beach huts. That was just hilarious. Oh, and I also loved the fact that in some scenes you saw the fake wave travel towards land, but when the camera angle changed, the wave had magically vanished from the surface of the water in the background. That was a really amazing touch to the movie, a fake tsunami that was able to defy laws of physics and magically vanish from time to time, this is as good as it gets.

And the constant filler scenes of showing girls in bikinis playing volleyball or frolicking on the beach, or hunky surfer guys in the water, what is up with that? I know this movie is supposed to take place in Malibu, but come on. Those scenes are pointless and serves as nothing but a way to fill out the time and hope to keep whatever audience is left hooked.

I actually managed to pull through the entire movie, because I wanted to see what else was hidden in the drawer of bad effects and cheesy stories. Hand on heart, then this is really a terrible shark movie. If you, like me, like monster movies, then pick something else, this one is just not worth the time or effort.

Warren Christie in this?? what the hell? I recognized him from other better stuff since then but his being in this was a surprise (Musta been a low point of low points in his career!)

In fact I'd say the the only real surprise.. it's a horrid cheap pathetic "made for TV" pile of crap that some one got suckered into forking over $ to make.

I've seen better acting and production quality from a HS play! The premise is beyond absurd right off the bat.. special effects are barely better than the acting skill.. or lack thereof The other reviewer saying 20 min was all he could stand (or she? doesn't matter).. I again got stuck with this sadly being the best thing on one day while on devil child duty.. it was this crap or garbage like "house wives of cardsashians or whatever pathetic mind numbingly stupid crap they are coming up with of that sort.. you know what I mean I'm sure.) Well this was so bad it was a serious question of leaving it on this crap or channel flipping to horrible fake "reality TV".. this movie won.. if anything can be called a winner in this case at all. it sure as hell was not a win for me.

Anyhow.. absurd premise + pathetic acting + dare we say direction of some sort.. + somehow managing to waste a budget of 3 MILLION... wait a min.. 3 MILLION??? What in hell did they spend 3 MILLION on with this crap?? Seriously.. more like budget of 3 million.. spent 100K on the production total.. pocketed 2.9 MILLION and used the entire thing as a giant tax write off.. and while we do a lot of good productions in Canada this is not one of them.. but I guarantee someone used tax credits here for the making of this horrible garbage.

Skip it.. don't waste your time.. save yourself the mental scarring that is inevitable for those whom watch this!!!! Even Plan 9 from outer space is Oscar worthy in comparison to this crap and sadly several other "things" (calling them movies is an insult to what a movie can actually be) I've been subjected to recently (see my other reviews as warning to save yourselves from such torture!!)