Malibu Shark Attack

OK. I saw this piece of rubbish on our Space channel. I couldn't believe how bad it was. It was so bad Donkey Punch was actually better. Clichéd. Bad acting or was it over acting. Still I watched with fascination this train wreck. Or was it a shark wreck. As to the sharks. Well they were, what can I say, over the top!

If there was one thing I kept hoping for it was that all of them, and I mean all of them were eaten by the sharks. It would save us a lot of pain.

But sometimes it is just fun to watch a really bad movie. No not Ed Wood bad but well just bad.

Watch if you dare!!!!!!

"What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore."

Well, you could change the channel....

"(yes, I know sharks are really mammals)"

Actually, sharks are NOT mammals: they are fish that bear live young, in most species.

I'll be watching "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" tonight("Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" is on opposite "Malibu Shark Attack"). Debbie Gibson AND Lorenzo Lamas? Must-watch TV!

AWFUL! Just bloody awful. The two previous reviewers must have watched this on crack (either that, or they're both flaks for the network): this is precisely the kind of B-movie that makes SciFi channel and USA Network SO unwatchable 95 percent of the time. Even the sharks were bad. That's on the dopey director, the excruciatingly bad script, the cheesy producers, and the network drones who lard the schedule with mindless babble like this. But face it: nobody watched Baywatch for its generally poor acting or the blindingly stupid scripts, either -- it was eye candy, the TV equivalent of a pulp novel. The only real eye candy here was Peta Wilson (the men were so stupid every time they spoke that they made me wince, which ruined the effect of the beefcake), and I hope Wilson at least made a decent buck off it: this one's clearly not going into her portfolio.

The 'danger in the water' movies historically have a few remarkable gems among them, but it's mostly a history of losers and throwaway flicks like this. The "Jaws" films had a much higher overall caliber, not just of directors, actors and acting, but of everything else that went into them. The rest of the "scary fish" subgenre (yes, I know sharks are really mammals) shown on cable channels like this are only made for USA/SciFi to be filler in between equally fake wrestling -- perfect for a summer schedule that just reeks of old, cheap USA Network (for SciFi, read idiot dungeons-magic-and-talking-dragons flicks and horror-aboard-the-spaceship instead). It's like for 10 or 12 weeks of the year, they're willing to tolerate a decent series or two like BSG, Eureka, the Stargate series, Burn Notice or Royal Pains, then they go the cheap-ass route the rest of the year and expect us not to notice.

This is just the same insult offered by USA/SciFi over and over again. They learned nothing from their experience with Battlestar Galactica, which brought them tons of adult ***and female*** viewers whom they are now insistently driving away. Way to go, bozos.

What I might enjoy more is video of the USA Network/SciFi execs and the 'pro' wrestlers getting eaten by a few real sharks so that we didn't have to watch them **OR** crap like this anymore. It doesn't matter how they spell it, SciFi or SyFy or Schmy-Fi -- it still translates to trash, and if it weren't for the occasional treasure like Eureka and Battlestar Galactica, nobody would bother with this channel EXCEPT 15-year-old boys: they're the only ones dumb enough to fall for this crap. Which is why I've spent my summer watching BSG on DVD and reruns of La Femme Nikita online instead.

MALIBU SHARK ATTACK is the usual Z-grade shark nonsense, except made without the backing of the SyFy Channel or The Asylum this time around. It doesn't make much difference. This is an independent Canadian/Australian addition that still manages to screw up the storyline by including lots of HORRIBLE CGI effect scenes, alongside an idiotic script and some terrible performances.

Plot-wise, this isn't dissimilar to the Aussie film BAIT, with characters finding themselves trapped in a flooded location with sharks after a tsunami, but while BAIT had the money to be partway believable, this is just nonsense. A group of bad actors splash around and scream in about two foot of water, and are occasionally menaced by goblin sharks which look like they belong in a Playstation 1-era video game.

The movie is packed with whiny characters and only a couple of sudden deaths is enough to keep you watching. Otherwise it's a waste of time, a film surpassed by most other entries in this crowded sub-genre of shark attack movies.

Warren Christie in this?? what the hell? I recognized him from other better stuff since then but his being in this was a surprise (Musta been a low point of low points in his career!)

In fact I'd say the the only real surprise.. it's a horrid cheap pathetic "made for TV" pile of crap that some one got suckered into forking over $ to make.

I've seen better acting and production quality from a HS play! The premise is beyond absurd right off the bat.. special effects are barely better than the acting skill.. or lack thereof The other reviewer saying 20 min was all he could stand (or she? doesn't matter).. I again got stuck with this sadly being the best thing on one day while on devil child duty.. it was this crap or garbage like "house wives of cardsashians or whatever pathetic mind numbingly stupid crap they are coming up with of that sort.. you know what I mean I'm sure.) Well this was so bad it was a serious question of leaving it on this crap or channel flipping to horrible fake "reality TV".. this movie won.. if anything can be called a winner in this case at all. it sure as hell was not a win for me.

Anyhow.. absurd premise + pathetic acting + dare we say direction of some sort.. + somehow managing to waste a budget of 3 MILLION... wait a min.. 3 MILLION??? What in hell did they spend 3 MILLION on with this crap?? Seriously.. more like budget of 3 million.. spent 100K on the production total.. pocketed 2.9 MILLION and used the entire thing as a giant tax write off.. and while we do a lot of good productions in Canada this is not one of them.. but I guarantee someone used tax credits here for the making of this horrible garbage.

Skip it.. don't waste your time.. save yourself the mental scarring that is inevitable for those whom watch this!!!! Even Plan 9 from outer space is Oscar worthy in comparison to this crap and sadly several other "things" (calling them movies is an insult to what a movie can actually be) I've been subjected to recently (see my other reviews as warning to save yourselves from such torture!!)