Journey to Promethea

This is the stupidest movie I have every seen. I could do better filming it in my back yard. I can't believe the video store even carries it. We couldn't even get through the whole movie. The best/worst part that had us in stitches was when Ari dies and they try to simulate the drama of Gladiator with the flashing of his wife on the screen. And his dying agony is probably the worst acting I have ever seen. The costumes are so fake and cheap looking. My son and I were almost crying we were laughing so hard at how ridiculous this movie was. Why did all of the villains have to have stupidly made up distorted faces? What was the deal with the fortune teller with bad white contact lenses? They definitely spent their money on the DVD cover to make it look remotely interesting. But what a stupidly bad movie. What kind of low has Billy Zane sunk to to be in it? Or did he just want to roll around for a few hours with the pathetic actresses in his scenes? Why did the princesses guards have next to no clothing on and half of the people had bare feet? I could go on and on.....

My first thoughts were shock at how clean the common folk clothes were: bright, clean...supposedly peasants! A descendant of a king gets beheaded. A prophecy is revealed his son will avenge his father. His son is thrown in the King's dungeon.

The king does nothing throughout the whole movie but sit on his throne surrounded by beautiful women in skimpy outfits. He has a jester telling horrible jokes, grimacing and finally getting killed by the king for his poor jokes.

The young boy to be king journey's through a forest and...there were serious spots in the movie but so unbelievable as to be comical on the lowest level. I watched the whole thing wondering how this was going to conclude. Instead of a final impressive battle we only get ...you'll have to see...the budget must have been a tad less than 5 bucks! Geeze! this movie was bad! LOL

Never before I was in the situation to rate a movie so low as this one. Actors are also simply bad, especially the supposedly lead hero. Imho the only one that seemed any good was Billy Zane as King Laypach. But even the cruel king was bored out of his mind practically begging for the movie to end. Of course the ending itself is uninspired to say the least(with that stone just sitting there in the middle of nowhere).

Special FX are a shame even for an amateur. As a matter of fact they are worst I ever seen. I saw that the estimated budget on IMDb is around $2,000,000. That's way too many zeros it surely must a mistake. I can't possibly think on what they could spend such an amount. Almost all the action takes place in the forest. Nothing was needed to be built. Trees grow by themselves. The castle itself it just a drawing. Also even for the medieval times, having most of the actors walking barefoot is just laughable. Even the king himself has no shoes...

So why does the movie gets a grade of 2 instead of one ? Lots of beautiful ladies save the day... again. It was all thanks to: Marcelle Baer, Jessica Heap, Cherie Thibodeaux, Lacey Minchew(my personal favorite) and few others not listed on IMDb that I made to the end. Also the movie might appeal to small children(below 10) even though it has a few violent scenes. For a good quality fairy tale I recommend The Secret of Moonacre.

Bad acting, bad dialog,bad writing, bad directing, bad special effects, and bad musical score but other than that a good movie. The only saving grace is the queen's scantily clad Amazon guards. The male soldiers were armor but the ladies do not require much more than a loin cloth. This movie could not make up its mind whether to be soft core porn or a serious film and as a result it was neither. I have seen better acting in porn films as well as better plots. And what is with those fake British accents?

I cannot believe that someone had $200 million dollars just laying around that needed to be spent on this dog of a movie. Surely there are more worthy causes that could benefit from this money. Scholarships for clown college perhaps?

I'm too tormented by visions of gray knit "chain mail" armor & the awesomely enormous budget my nephew's 3rd grade spring play had compared to the apparent budget of this flick. I think the best, clearest indicator of the caliber of this movie is in the list of cast on the front of IMDb's page for this movie. Billy Zane is featured prominently on the cover of the movie, but appears nowhere on the primary cast listing. The first mention you see of his name on the IMDb site itself is in the review appearing on the primary page. He may or may not be listed in the extended cast listing you can reach by clicking "full cast & crew", but I don't want to know.

Just... don't. Really. You won't regret it. The other reviews are not lying. Unless you're feeling really lackadaisical and not too concerned with enjoying the experience, in which case, go for it. :-)