Baywatch : Alerte à Malibu

It's a warm, beautiful day on the beach. The pristine waves crash gently against the sand as the sun-kissed folk of Southern Florida come out to play. Lifeguard Post 1 stands like a sentinel - its windows permanently cocked forward towards the horizon. There's a change in the wind. A wind surfer looses control of his sail and is catapulted upward towards the sky before plummeting, head first into a coral reef. He's knocked unconscious...all seems lost. Then Mitch Buchannon (Johnson) appears on the scene.

What results is a valiant rescue that inexplicably involves slow-motion running, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson flexing his pectorals underwater, fireworks and dolphins for some reason. The movie could have stopped right there as by that point we got the best version of what could have been the cinematic version of a far-fetched TV show. Unfortunately the first fifteen minutes aren't so much a harbinger of the hilarity to come but rather a visual metaphor for the movie's inflated sense of self.

The film energetically sets up its main characters with all-too-brief introductions on tryout day. We immediately endear ourselves veterans Stephanie (Hadera), C.J. (Rohrbach) and Mitch as they judge incoming trainees the tough and brainy Summer (Daddario), the dorky Ronnie (Bass) and disgraced former Olympic swimmer Matt Brody (Efron) whose ego Mitch sees as a liability. Much of the film's prouder moments are spent with The Rock and Efron doing what they do best; The Rock deflating Brody's ego with real-deal charisma and action hero one-liners - Efron playing the dim-witted, put-upon jock who deserves everything he has coming to him because he was in High School Musical (2006).

But just when you think everything will turn out for this movie, the narrative drastically shifts to a crime story that stops the movie's momentum cold. The narrative thrust involves the new owner of the beach's fancy yacht club (Chopra) and her suspicious connection to a new designer drug called Flaka. The rest of the movie doesn't so much spend time exploring that connection or its implications (Chopra compares herself favorably to a Bond villain pretty much from the get go) but instead it lays every aspect of the conspiracy out on the table and waits for the lifeguards to connect the dots.

This ploy not only doesn't work but it basically splits Baywatch into two completely unsatisfying pieces. The first piece brings a diversity of comic set-pieces which on their own, probably couldn't make a good sketch on Key and Peele (2012-2015). They lack a depth of character requiring one or two of them to be more gullible, less resourceful or otherwise dumber than what was previously established.

The other half of the movie plants its flag firmly on The Rock's ability to recap what we already know while Priyanka Chopra chews unhelpfully on the scenery until the timer runs out. All throughout the film drops hints that you should care about this or that - an insert shot of a watch brings more pause than a fiery boat rescue. Yet because nothing new is ever revealed, the film's call for attention becomes soporifically annoying.

The overall tone of the film is also aggressively reductive, treating the, in retrospect quaint misogyny of the original series with an uncomfortable amount of contrarian glee. Every time one of the girls of Baywatch justifiably call out the boys for being pervs, the payoff by the end of the film amounts to nothing more than quid pro quo ribbing or worse - they end up with the dude at the end. If Baywatch had just treated the subject as window-dressing, I might have been inclined to let it go (after all trash TV is trash TV). Unfortunately the movie stops just short of waving its d**k in the air while saying "you think we're being sexist, f**k you bruh!" Thus I think its worth a brief mention.

Baywatch has all the necessary ingredients to make a pretty satisfying comedic soup. Unfortunately apart from The Rock and Efron standing out as the film's sole saving graces, everything else is squandered on a useless story, oblivious editing and a unifying tone that's unnecessarily combative. Unless you're the type of person who truly believes Kelly Rohrbach's slo-mo runs along the beach are enough to maintain your attention, I suggest skipping out on this aggressively unfunny movie.

On a related note: Stop with the dorky guy gets the hot girl for doing nothing cliché. It's been done a hundred times before, you're bringing nothing new to the table and it's come to the point where if you do it at all it just feels icky. The Sam Witwickys of the the world should have to, you know, work for it now.

I remember being the only person in the auditorium seeing this in 2017 that was odd but understandable just wasn't reviewing at the time now rewatching it's so good. Baywatch is a wild raunchy, sexy, charming, and great fun; I love how much ridiculousness packed in this! I would be a lot like Ronny's character very much would shut down in front of beautiful angels maybe being around them more would bring in confidence some are more fortunate with the perfect physique. Baywatch is probably the type that grows on you and I agree with anyone that says it depends what you're looking for. Only other unfortunate aspect is the alcohol consumption in this sometimes it works in this case could've had any other drink especially body builders silly how Zac Efron was written to be the snarky half serious type otherwise awesomeness!

It's not a James Bond movie, but the drama is real!

Let's be totally honest - the movie is exactly as it's supposed to be. It's light, slightly offensive (to whoever it can) and sends this wink to the audience. Not like Deadpool completely breaking the 4th wall. In a way that keeps with the summer vibe.

Definitely, a summer movie to watch with friends on a hot evening with a glass of Pimms!

Lupierz

My review for this movie is sort of late as I had zero interest in viewing it when it came out. The trailers looked silly, bad, cringy so I skipped. Now, almost 6 years later it has come to pass that there was nothing better on the TV, so I gave it a chance.

Is the movie Bad? Yes. It is very selfaware though, over the top, silly and dare I say... fun. The movie is just ridiculous in a good way, making fun of but also tributing the original series.

The plot is simple, the actors are just having fun on set. The CGI is laughable, but I believe on purpose. There is a part with a rescue from a burning boat. The flames look so fake that it was funny in it's own right (sharknado level CGI in fact).

Do not expect inteligent humor, do not expect a well thought out plot, effects or acting.

In fact, this movie is probably best consumed with a group of friends and a side of alcohol. I went into this movie with absolutely zero expectations and came out pleasantly surprised with how much I was entertained.

I don't review movies too often, but when I saw all the horrible reviews for this movie, I felt the need to write my own. I have a feeling that most of the people who rated this movie poorly haven't seen the movie at all (like a lot of ratings on IMDb) or just have no sense of humor at all. Is this movie action-packed? Yes! Does the movie include a lot of dick jokes, bouncing boobs and swearing? Yes! Did I enjoy the movie? Oh yeah! Will it be an Oscar winner? Of course not! It's not that kind of movie. People take things too seriously.

If you liked Baywatch like I did, check out Zac Efron in Dirty Grandpa and Dwayne Johnson in The Other Guys.