The Offering

This poor attempt of adapting a Lovecraft story is a slap in the face of H. P. himself. The acting, camerawork, sound, lighting are so bad that you think you are watching a first graders school project. There is literally not ONE jumpscare moment at all and the plot is thinner than paper. The fx (if you can call it that) are so amateuristic that nobody beliefs this stuf. The actors involved should rethink their career paths because none of them are convincing. How is it possible that people get money to make this kind of rubbisch. Was this funded or some daddy project anyway it is, as I said, a discrace to the works of H. P. Lovecraft!

This review focusses on the movie that is directed by Matthew B. C and it is quite a disappointment. It's much worse than a disappointment, it's amateur hour.

The bad: this is NOT a horror movie at all, because it is not in even the slightest way horrifying. It is laughably amateurish though, because of the silly attempts at making something scary and failing at it miserably.

Below average actors, below average photography and sound. It's not even worth being called a movie.

Better watch ANY other REAL horror movie and there are many old horror classics out there to be admired!

(((Beware: the title of this movie has changed recently, before it was titled as "The Offering", which is quite confusing because there are 2 similarly titled movies)))

How did this ultra-dull movie get financed? How did the director manage to make one hour and eighteen minutes seem to drag on...and on...and on? Did the several actors appearing in this stupid "Lovecraftian" tale drink codine cough syrup before every take? Everything moves in slow motion, the cult members are wearing cheap hooded taffeta costumes from Party City, and there are about 20 seconds of creature effects which you can see in the trailer. Avoid, this stinks like Cthulhu farts. One star, which is being generous.

Hey, I've got nothing against horror 'B-movies' - in fact, they make up a significant proportion of my DVD collection. You don't have to have major actors, great special effects, or even a particularly original story to make a movie enjoyable - as long as it entertains then it usually fits the bill. However...

If you make a film with the word 'monster' in the title, it does tend to set an audience's expectations. If you sat down to watch 'Snakes on a Plane' you'd probably not be expecting Shakespeare, but you'd be looking for something that's just a bit of harmless fun. If you got one sickly-looking adder ten minutes before then end, then you might feel just a little bit 'short-changed' from what the title promised.

'Monster Portal' is an adaptation of an HP Lovecraft story, which is fair enough, but it does relay on giant creatures as part of its central theme. Sadly, the movie doesn't have the budget to really pull it off. Yes, there are a couple of monsters sprinkled here and there, but not only is it not enough to justify the title, but they're rendered about as well as your average Playstation 2 cut scene.

Now, I'm happy enough to ignore the special effects if the story is overall engaging and fun (or in a horror movie's case 'scary' would suffice), but here the acting is bad. Yes, I've seen enough horror movies to know I'm never going to get 'Oscar-worthy' performances, but in this case it basically feels like the actors are reading their lines off a cue card which is just out of shot. I guess I shouldn't really put all the blame on the actors, this script is pretty basic and they're probably doing their best with the awfully generic lines they're given, plus you'd think the director might be able to coax something out of one or two of them.

It's not the main characters who are the (total) problem. They don't turn in very good performances, but I can just about excuse them. It's more the secondary cast-members who might as well be your average passers by who were roped in to read a line or two here and there.

As I say, B-movies can be fun, but this one just tries to bite off way more than it's capable of. With a higher budget, better actors and script it might have worked, but, ultimately, it couldn't make anything of its lofty goals.

This movie is slower than watching oil paint dry. The sound is off. The actors seem like they didn't even want to be there. This goes by 2 other names which you just know it gonna suck.