When Soldiers Cry

There is nothing I like more than settling into my daily two hour commute with my PSP loaded up with a good movie. This morning was the turn of "When Soldiers Cry". I have since decided to make my own movie called "When Commuters Cry" All I need is a camcorder, a few mates with absolutely no acting talent... whatsoever, no script required we can make that up as we go along. I intend filming it on location at my buddy Jim's back yard. He has a few trees and a river, looks totally like Nam, especially when we use the soft focus setting on the camcorder. I managed to watch only 10 minutes of "When Soldiers Cry" so must admit, I never did find out when they do. I pride myself on the fact that I can stick out pretty much any movie. Hey I am stuck in a metal tube traveling at 60mph, nothing better to do right? Wrong. The first ten minutes of this movie is easily the worst piece of film making I have ever experienced. If anyone, other than Mr Black (And stop voting for your own movie Joe) has seen the full movie, counseling is an option.

This is not a "movie" that should of ever found it's way on to Netflix, let alone made available for sale on Amazon.com or anywhere. Let me say I pride myself being able to push through a bad movie or book hoping it will redeem itself somewhere along the journey. Not with this movie; I lasted for about 10 minutes (even that was painful). The opening credits were cheesy, a ominous warning of what was yet to come. The opening scene with protagonist, mouth agape, looking like some retard holding a plastic gun made me feel sorry for the guy where I sat. The next minute of listening to him moan, while he was intermittently in and out of frame made me cringe. I watched on figuring this was going to turn into a B movie spoof of Vietnam flicks. To my utter horror I realized they were trying to be serious. That made it impossible to overlook the 3rd grade camera work, toy guns, Appalachian environment (supposed to be the Vietnam jungle), and jaggoff acting. I paced ahead on fast forward and even found that difficult. I wouldn't doubt if this was filmed in one day.

Really folks this is just horrible. I looked around online to find a little background on the "talent" behind this film. I wasn't surprised to find out the "director" was a janitor. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself, however, janitors should know what to do with garbage...toss it out. Others are community college film class flunkee's with pretensions to call themselves "actors" "directors" and "producers". Serioulsy dudes, you should have made this for yourselves, got a case of Miller High Life and enjoyed with a few close friends. I cannot believe that all of you don't walk in shame knowing that this "movie" is available anywhere. But then I investigated to find out that you are all self reviewing this film on IMDb, amazon, even Netflix. One of the "actors" went so far as to rate it a 5 star film and give himself a glowing review on amazon.com. What the idiot didn't realize is that Amazon's real name feature, posts the reviewers real name to their reviews....so Jess Weber, nice job reviewing yourself. Stick to your day job buddy.

In short I was just disgusted by the movie itself, and the sinister attempts by those affiliated with the film to prop up its rating. Hey Joe Black....stop reviewing your own movies, okay dude? Don't waste your time folks!

Really....did he steal it? He stole valuable minutes of our lives with a fantasy Vietnam film.

I say fantasy because NOTHING about this film in any way resembles the RVN that I fought and bled in.

And none of his characters would have lasted 1 day in the field.

There was no such infantry job as "tunnel rat".

Everyone in an infantry platoon sans Platoon: Leader, Sgt and Medic took their turn crawling in holes and walking point.

And if any moron puffed a stinking cigar when we were about to engage, I WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM.

Most of the so-called Vietnam war movies have no resemblance to what it was like and some like the Rambo and Chuck Norris films bordered on satire.

At least they were entertaining and often had SOME bit of help from a consultant.

This piece of garbage has NOTHING....... no entertainment value, poor actors, no direction, and a ridiculously dishonest portrayal of wartime Vietnam's jungle.

It's amazing that someone could throw away so much money in these hard times.

First off i have to say i never watched the full thing but i saw enough!, If someone ever asks me what the worst movie ever made is i'll now have my answer. I'll assume that whoever made this abomination will be reading this.........what were you thinking?? it looks to me like you woke up one day and thought hey i'll make a movie and then proceeded to make it that same afternoon with whatever was lying around the house. The acting if you can call it that was cringe worthy, where ever you found them you really need to send them back and make them promise never to attempt acting again.By the way actually pointing the camera at the "actors" would be a good idea should you feel the need to terrorize the public with another "movie" Personally I think you should put down the camera and step away before someone gets hurt. You probably feel i'm being harsh and you may be right but i feel it my duty to stop others from being harmed.

This must be the worst movie I have ever seen, bar-none. The acting embarrassed me where I sat. The camera work was a disaster. Many shots were out of frame. If this was some random artistic method, it is impossible to tell. The editing, if you call it that, was lacking and disgusting. It wouldn't surprise me to learn the movie was made, start to finish, in one day. Shot in one day using the first and only take on every scene. It reminds me of an amateur home video of someone in their backyard in a Midwestern suburb. Luckily his name was plastered on the movie poster and DVD cover, so if I have the misfortune of coming across anything associated with Joe Black in the future, I will be able to relocate said material to the nearest toilet where it belongs, and be able to sleep soundly knowing I performed an outstanding work of charity on that day. One minute is all you need to watch to know how miserable your life could be should you let the movie continue to play. It is not even amusingly awful. It is painfully poor.