Nude Nuns with Big Guns

B) If you are hoping the same level of entertainment as a Rodriguez/Tarantino film, than this is not it. A) It's not the worst film I've seen, but big screen no-go.

It's some amount of crazy, but not enough to be entertaining. Crazy enough to be "Ewwww... and?", but not enough to go "Ewwww... Ohh!?!?!?!". In essence the film lacks the irony in the story.

This film is of the same genre as Kill Bill, Sin City, Gringhouse and Machete. However, this is one of the worst representatives of that genre. It's most comparable to Machete, but the storyline is not augmented by the irony and there is nothing to hook you onto in the story. The script is dragged out. The story could be presented in a 30 minute film. It's a good story for a depressing documentary, not a action, violence, blood and gore film.

This is not about some clergy members being represented corrupt. This is not about drugs. This is not about violence. It's just a shooter with a lot of vengeance, poor action scenes and a too thin layer of the story sprinkled around.

Full of enough eye candy to make any adolescent boy's (or girl's) sex drive go full throttle, the film finds a drug cartel run by a sinister church who see fit to reducing their ordained sisterhood to nothing more than a nudist colony of cheap labor chemists. As the story opens we are introduced to some of the main players in a dope exchange gone horribly wrong. The lone (innocent) survivor is our heroine, Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega), who is subsequently thrown into forced prostitution by the bikers and drugged out of her mind as she "services" the customers.

As fate would have it, however, a kind-hearted doctor (I use that term loosely) named Mr. Foo (Maxie J. Santillan Jr.) releases Sarah from her bondage and flushes out all the drugs from her system. Upon awakening, Sister Sarah reveals that she has received the "word of God" which has entrusted her with dishing out some divine justice on those who did her wrong. Foo then proceeds to arm are with a pair of silver pistols to help her on her mission only to have Sarah put a bullet through his noggin (not cool, man). Thus begins our heroine's journey of hate-fueled revenge served cold and hard with the most translucent metaphor for phallic aggression a lesbian nun can holster.

Though short lived, Mr. Foo is a pretty cool character- equal parts Yoda and Tommy Chong, Foo exudes a hipster charm that helps balance the darker elements of the story. Unfortunately, what follows after his demise is bleak mess of boobs and talking (plus more boobs), with very little scenes of heavenly justice doled out and nowhere did I ever really see any "big guns" (with great exception to scary ass Xango Henry as Kickstand, a Dulé Hill (Psych) look-a-like). When the biggest threat of a film is a black man's genitals as he violates elderly nuns, there's not much else that needs to be said.

In the end, as much as I wanted to like a film with a name as cool as Nude Nuns with Guns it simply didn't push any one boundary far enough. In fact, I couldn't help but think that this was really lost footage from Machete, given the overall borderland motif and bad-ass, Mexican bikers. It even goes so far as to riff on Rodriguez's Planet Terror theme from the Rodriguez/Tarantino Grindhouse double feature. Yes, there are nuns and they're (generally) nude. Yes, there's softcore rape and bullets to the head. However, a lack of any real action will likely see you walking away limp from this peep show long before the credits ever role.

Judging by the reviews I've read so far, people have watched this movie called 'Nude Nuns With Big Guns' and been shocked to see nude nuns with big guns. It has nude nuns in it and shock horror they have bloody big guns. I thought for a movie with such a low budget it was brilliant. Do you want an overly complicated story line? Do you want million dollar special effects? Do you want a movie without nude nuns or big guns in it? Move along then. If you want to watch a movie with nude nuns shooting priests with big guns this the movie for you. Low budget B movie excellence. There's not much else to say. The story line is really simple. A nun is abused, drugged and forced to work as a prostitute, she escapes and gets her divine revenge by shooting everyone in sight. Great stuff!!

I actually got kinda p!$$ed at all the negative reviews this movie had. IT Ain't THAT BAD PEOPLE!! it is actually a pretty decent watch without being fancy in any way, taking a big step away from the norm and making a whole lot out of a pretty small budget.

most of those leaving negative votes and reviews are probably falling into one of two categories: 1) those who can't enjoy a film unless the budget matches Titanic and the entire film need to smell like Hollywood 2) those who actually can't read since the title pretty much says it all

this film IS about nuns and the use of big guns, even says so in the title, and it's pretty violent and if you DO love violence, WATCH IT! I'm not gonna pretend it's the best film ever made, not even close! but it sure as hell ain't bad, and probably are better than 80% of all standard Hollywood productions, and it's worth lots more than under 4 on the IMDb-rating

The title is unfortunately way funnier than the movie itself. I guess this also works as a trailer, but not as a whole. Acting and general "execution" (pun intended) are not up with the high concept idea of the movie. The main actress is anything but convincing, the villain on the other hand shows that he had the time of his life (actually some of his quote are really good, but I don't know who to credit for them: screenwriter or the actor himself).

All in all a rather weak "nunsploitation" movie (I think that's the correct term/genre), but then again it is in good company I guess. And as I stated above, some of the quotes are really funny, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.