Birdemic: Shock and Terror

When a movie starts with music that grinds your ears, standard movie- maker font, 10 minutes of random shots from the valleys of Hollywood and an unknown B-movie director that claims he's the "master of romantic thrillers", you know you're in for one hell of a ride.

I don't really know if this movie is a joke or not, if they actually went in full force with the intention of actually making a great film with their 10.000 dollar budget, clearly they did not. When the actual film starts, the camera is so horrid I thought the cameraman was drunk, or if I was unwillingly intoxicated. Anyways, I had to check my earphones after a couple of minutes, because the sound suddenly stopped and popped up at random, looks like the sound-mixer of this movie probably is deaf or some sort of modern day Hellen Keller.

Let's say something about the acting.. if there is any. I felt my heart wrenching when the protagonist started reading his lines, his act is already so wooden after two minutes of screen-time he'd fit right in the Ents from the "Lord of the Rings"-trilogy. When an actor can't even walk straight without showing signs of having something rectangular shoved up his rectum, there's something wrong.

After about 45 minutes of clapping (yes, see it for yourself), a love story that makes the Twilight-saga seem like "The Notebook" and "Titanic" combined, dialouges that are from another planet and all-in- all all I'm thinking: Is this movie the "Shock and Terror" the sub-title proclamates? 'Cause I haven't seen a f*cking bird yet!!

When the birds arrive.. No, I don't even care to write about it.. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel like laying down in the shower with my clothes on and cry while the cold water is running on full.

This movie basically makes Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" seem like the new "Schindler's List". Enough said.

Don't be fooled by the rating. You have to watch "Birdemic" at some point.

This movies outshines "Troll 2" in every respect. It puts "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and "The Room" to shame. Imagine a movie that would be created solely to give film students a paper topic on how NOT to make movies. Every conceivable error has been made in making "Birdemic." At first, you simply won't be able to believe that the film is not a spoof. But if you read about the film and about Nguyen, and if you take a few moments to watch the additional material on the DVD, you will soon agree that this was just a misguided effort on the entire production team's part.

The sound is the most outstanding example of sheer incompetence. The director clearly understood what Foley is, since the gunshots have all been added post-production, but I guess they just didn't have the time or money to dub the vast majority of the film after shooting. And it needs it. Badly.

The acting is uniformly terrible. Not bad. Terrible. Alan Bragh doesn't even rise to the level of fourth grade pageants. Whitney Moore is cute as a button and is aided by a bit of camel-toe in at least one scene, but she's the best of a poor lot. All the supporting cast is "give your financial backers a small part" bad.

If you want to explain blocking, editing, framing, sound markers, continuity, reverse shots, and other film terms to your friends, this is the film to use. None of it is done correctly.

While the CGI (and I use the term in only the broadest sense) birds are hilarious, my favorite scene is the "retirement" scene. I think that the word "retirement" is used six times in just three lines. Watch for it. It's hard to miss.

BUT...it's strangely watchable. In contrast to many bad movies, it's not boring. Consider it a train wreck that you simply can't tear your eyes from. Even the boring scenes (and there really aren't that many) have some aspect (poor sound, hilariously unrealistic dialogue, odd things going on in the background) that fascinate. You'll be giggling and poking your elbow into the side of the person beside you.

So, go rent it. Really. You won't regret it.

First of all, to approach "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" with any kind of hope of witnessing a good feature film is utter lunacy. "Amateur" is a word a thousand times too generous for this film's description. Even given its low budget of $10,000, the majority of which seems to have gone on car fuel, the film is a joke. The acting is unspeakably bad, the "special" effects aren't worth mentioning, the music is corny and inappropriate, and the film's editing techniques have all the marvel of a flip-book.

The only way to enjoy this film is to treat it as exactly that, a joke. The above faults of the film are so glaring that the film becomes one huge joke that you can laugh along to. However, even this joke wears thin pretty quickly, and you're left feeling quite empty, as if you've been cheated out of 95 minutes of your life.

Nonetheless, I am firmly convinced that it is the director James Nguyen who is having the last laugh, as he has created a film so notoriously bad that everyone wants to see it. Perhaps the joke is on us, and the director's intention was to see just how popular this film could be through its infamy. Even so, absolutely nothing can forgive how bad this film really is. It makes Battlefield Earth feel like Star Wars, and makes the special effects of 1933's King Kong look like those of Avatar. It is, quite simply, the worst film ever committed to celluloid.

Watching the trailer, I actually had a decent laugh, and thought it might be worth it. But having watched the finished product, the knowledge that somebody spent $10,000 making this ugly piece of garbage and then having the audacity to call it a film is infuriating, and actually quite offensive. People were PAID to produce this. With MONEY. I still don't believe it.

I don't know where to begin this review. It is a film that completely fails at every step of the movie making process. From directing, to acting, to writing, to camera operation, to scene structure, to pacing, to visual effects, to sound editing... The list goes on. I watched birdemic thinking it was a 'deliberately bad so it's funny' kinda movie. It's not. You can see the films director James Nguyan takes himself completely seriously with the global warming message jammed down our throats. I spent the majority of the hour and thirty minute run time laughing in disbelief that this movie exists. It is a film you have to watch, if only to know how to gauge a bad movie in the future. I was just wondering what fundamental error they were going to make next. Overall birdemic is a fascinating piece of work simply because it is truly awful cinema. So terrible that it's unintentionally hilarious. I would absolutely classify it as a must watch.

There are no words that come to mind after seeing this film. Travesty, horrific, absurd, ridiculous, and mind-numbingly stupid all come to mind but none of 'em quite describe just how awful this "film" really is. To see where everyone went wrong, let's break it down!

1. It takes 45 minutes until the actual plot begins to develop. By this time, the majority of viewers have fallen asleep or have taken their own lives.

2. The actor who plays Rod, Alan Bagh. He makes me miss Nicholas Cage. NO NOT THE BEES!!! AHHHH!!!

3. The birds. What do they do exactly? Nothing. The birds come down and fly directly in front of the victims face. Then they die for reasons only criminally insane director James Nguyen knows. God help us.

4. Read my parental advisory

5. "Hey I thought I told you to stand back. These birds are contaminated"

6. What is wrong with Rod's friend? And why can't he get a good looking girlfriend?

7. The dialogue. It's like watching a poorly translated foreign film. "I like you and because you are pretty to me" "I thank you this words they make me happy" "Yaaaaaayyy..."

8. This quote: "Why would birds do something like that? Why would they just attack" "......I don't know"

-------The good?

1. Thank god for Whitney Moore in lingerie. The only believable thing about this movie was that she got a job at Victoria's Secret.

And that's my review. Go see it. I guarantee you will never see a worse film.