Geisha vs ninja

I need to preface this by saying i love cheesy kung fu movies especially from back in the day (Shaolin vs. Manchu is a classic). I also wasn't expecting a good plot, acting, script, filming or effects, but this is just ridiculous. I have never seen a worse movie in my life (check my movies I've seen a lot)Everything is awful and the fight scenes just don't make sense. You can have someone in an arm bar for example and then there's a quick cut scene and the other person is 30 meters away from them. Its just unenjoyable. Most great cheesy kung fu movies were great because of the era they were created in. The movie fan has changed a lot and this just doesn't work. The fight scenes just don't make sense. Watch until about 25 min in and see if im wrong. You want to watch a movie for fighting where the story is secondary? Watch any Tony Jaa film or go to best buy and pick up a 10 pack of old kung fu flicks for 30 bucks. All copies of this should be burned. oh yeah and this is the only movie I've given a 1 to

The plot is simple enough. But being an avid fan of ninjas and samurai, I noticed too many mistakes in there.

1. a female geisha would not remove her clogs to fight because there may be spikes on the ground.

2. ninjas are not known to use katana because they are too long and become less effective in enclosed space. They usually carry a straight shorter blade call a ninjato.

3. the bamboo blade the geisha was carrying isn't usually as thick or long as a katana. They are mostly used as a concealed weapon, thus length and width are limited.

4. why did the female ninja keep pulling her mask off and putting it back on during the fight? The purpose of the mask is to minimize the exposed area that a light can shine on during an ambush or night op.

The fighting is stylized and anime-like. It feels a bit weird at times, especially when the geisha was fighting with the monk.

Oh... and the actress did not walk like a geisha. Totally unconvincing.

Geisha vs Ninja strongly reminded me of the Italian spaghetti-western. The movie is a fairy tale, so of course it is unrealistic. So are Leone's movies. There are two simple but very human themes: the quest for revenge and the quest for truth. The conflict between those two is not really developed, so no 10/10 from me, but it's there. The leading lady is highly attractive, the cinematography is beautiful, the landscapes are gorgeous and play an essential role. The use of extreme close-ups and flash-backs are also a la Leone. What is missing is sick humour. There is a brilliant joke during the first fighting scene but that is by far not enough. That is another reason to subtract some points. Still G vs N never becomes boring. Excellently choreographed fighting scenes are varied with quieter contemplative scenes. All in all highly enjoyable. Of course G vs N gets slammed for exactly the same reasons Leone was condemned some 45 years ago. Those critics forget indeed that contemporary action movies from the USA (Terminator, The Rock etc. etc.) are not realistic either. So what? At least G vs N does not pretend to be.

As this film opens Kotono, the titular geisha, confronts Hyoe, a samurai, and asks why he killed her father. He says he doesn't know who she means. He leaves and she is attacked by two other samurai. These are soon dispatched and she sets off to find Hyoe. Along the way she meets a variety of people who, for reasons she doesn't know, want to kill her. These include female ninjas, a monk with demonic powers and a lone woman in the forest who is a highly skilled fighter. Eventually she faces Hyoe again. Along the way we learn who her attackers really were and more importantly why a geisha would be so skilled in combat.

I wasn't expecting too much from this so was pleasantly surprised. The story is relatively simple... just about everybody Kotono meets will try to kill her and they will fail. The way they attack is nicely varied though and while nobody will doubt that Kotono will ultimately prevail she does get injured more than one might expect. Given the obvious budget constraints the fights are impressive. The cast is pretty solid; especially Minami Tsukui as Kotono. Overall I'd recommend this to fans of the genre; it might not be a great film but it is a lot of fun if you like ninja or samurai based action.

These comments are based on watching the film in Japanese with English subtitles.

I was apprehensive about blind buying this movie based upon the trailer, which looked like a B-movie that could end up a total disaster - ala "Legend of Red Dragon" (2002). However, I had an extra $20 in online gift certificates and was in the mood for a new Japanese action flick, so I took a chance - and I'm mighty glad I did. "Geisha vs. Ninjas" is not merely mildly entertaining low-budget fare like the "Gun Crazy" series, but is more entertaining for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, low-budget B-grade action flicks have inherent limitations that frequently leave the final product rather wanting. Creating a great action scene with no name actors, little money, and inexperienced stuntmen and choreographers is something incredibly difficult that's accomplished by only the most talented of filmmakers. Most of the time, you end up with a few decent moves mixed in with lots of edits and quick cuts to hide the lack of talent behind and in front of the camera. The people behind "Geisha vs. Ninjas" were the same people behind the action in "Death Trance" (2005) and "Onechanbara" (2008). My expectations were rightfully confused, because "Death Trance" was cool with decent action sequences while "Onechanbara" was stupid with poor action sequences.

Most surprisingly, "Geisha vs. Ninjas" has a number of highly effective swordfights and fist-a-cuffs that use wide camera shots that show multiple attacks and counterattacks from the actors, which is a remarkable, extremely impressive feat that must have required a lot of physical practice and rehearsals off camera. One example is the fist fight between the geisha and the monk, which is truly scintillating and is without doubt of a very high quality, even when compared to more popular martial arts fare from Hong Kong and Thailand. Anyone who watches that fight and claims it to be average B-movie quality simply doesn't know what high quality action is.

I'm probably taking this review too seriously, so let's get to the ninjas. Unfortunately, the ninjas only appear during the first 20 minutes or so, then disappear for the remainder of the film because the scriptwriters obviously wanted to keep things fresh by substituting other bad guys like monks, demons, tribal women, and samurai - which are entertaining in their own right. Therefore, those expecting lots and lots of ninjas will be disappointed in that regard, but when they are on screen they prove very difficult to kill and break out some crazy maneuvers. In addition, the geisha aspect of the film also drops off at about the same time the ninjas leave, as the lead protagonist discards her geisha outfit and goes for some "period" clothing instead. These are relatively minor quibbles that will be perceived as major negatives to those who so desperately want to see a geisha fight ninjas for ninety minutes.

As would be expected, the script is weak and the scoring is generic; but the greatest flaw of this movie is the final half hour, which loses some steam and feels drawn out with too much bland dialogue. This is a blunder because the opening 50 minutes are carried by excellent pacing, energy, and a bit of welcome cheesiness. That's it for the negatives though, and much of these cons are overshadowed by the numerous fight scenes.

Some of the early negative reviews on IMDb are ludicrous. The critics nit-pick the unrealistic aspects of this movie like the length of a sword, as if I care that the length of a weapon was extended for use in a film about a GEISHA FIGHTING NINJAS! Another criticism is that ninjas can't fly and that a geisha swordswoman could never be as strong as the one portrayed here. Well, let me tell you this. In a movie about a GEISHA FIGHTING NINJAS, some superhuman strength and gravity-defying abilities are more than welcome if the characters kick as much rear-end as they do here. The mere premise of this film is so ludicrous than one wonders why anyone would watch it with the slightest expectation for realism. And by the way, ninjas can do anything they want. Do you know why? Because they're ninjas, that's why.

So yeah, this movie is cool in all sorts of ways. For brainless fun, you're in for a good time.