Kung Fu Nanny

I'm not about to contradict anyone who says that 'The Spy Next Door' is a bad movie but I cannot say that I didn't enjoy it. From the moment that Bob and Gillian wake up with those serene smiles on their faces (Gillian had been woken up by a squealing pig and screeching kids) you know what you're in for and the movie certainly doesn't disappoint, in that it does exactly what you expect and follows every cliché there is religiously. For me this is what actually allowed me to enjoy it, the movie seemed to tell me, 'I am a bad movie, don't try to take me seriously just laugh at every possible opportunity! I promise you I'm not harmful and I will be over before the stupidity gets the better of your suspended disbelief.'

The film rests on Jackie Chan's shoulders and there's no denying that he is a very charismatic man, very good with physical comedy and at 55 and after all those injuries, still impressively fit. I can't say the same for the kids, the youngest one (Alina Foley) is cute but the other two were a bit annoying although this may be the script's fault. What can I say about the villains; Creel wore red lipstick and black from head to toe and just in case we missed she was the villain she also wore a frozen sardonic smile too, the Russian guys wore heavy overcoats and beards and all of them spoke in this hilarious accent...I enjoyed every bit of it. In fact I think the parts with the villains were my favourite.

I think the movie did what it set out to do and entertained me, I actually burst out laughing many times. One of which was when Billy Ray Cyrus's faced popped onto the screen, don't judge me I didn't know he was in the movie and the image took me by surprise!

CIA super agent Bob Ho (Jackie Chan) has been dating Gillian (Amber Valletta) for three months. Her kids Farren (Madeline Carroll) and Ian (Will Shadley) hate him. Little Nora (Alina Foley) thinks that he's a cyborg. He is retiring for Gillian but she doesn't know his secret life. Glaze (George Lopez) is his handler and Colton James (Billy Ray Cyrus) is a fellow agent. His Russian nemesis Anton Poldark escapes from capture. While the kids snoop around in his house, Ian downloads a file from his secret computer. Poldark tracks it down and comes after Bob and the kids.

There is absolutely no chemistry between Jackie Chan and Amber Valletta. The kids have better chemistry with him. Maybe they could have made up a story about him being a secret nanny instead. That's where the comedy is anyways with him as Mr. Mom. The movie almost works with him and the kids. Many comedians have mined that rich vain and Jackie could easily do that too. Also I don't know why he has to wear those glasses. It's not like he's Superman and this is his secret identity. The rest of the movie is a bunch of unfunny cartoon characters. It still has Jackie Chan doing his acrobatic fights. That's impressive at his age. With a few changes, this could have been a passable kids movie.

OK, where story is concerned, there's nothing new here. Chan plays a spy on the verge of retirement because he wants to settle down with his girlfriend Gillian (Amber Valetta) and her annoying kids. Now the kids hate Chan and Gillian has to leave for a couple of days in order to spend some time with her ailing father. So who offers to look after the kids? It's not hard to see how clichéd the story is but it is Jackie Chan with his creative stunts who makes this a fun watch. The actor's flair for comedy has become common knowledge and he is as energetic as ever. Moreover, his pairing with the beautiful Valetta is refreshing. Valetta doesn't get much to do other than play the usual girlfriend/divorcée/mom of three but she holds her own. The rest of the cast is forgettable. The child actors are initially very annoying. They sort of grow on you as the film proceeds. Overall, the film is nothing out of the ordinary. It doesn't even compare to a majority Chan's superior works but at best it's an amusing one-time watch.

Bob Ho (Jackie Chan), a very successful CIA spy, is retiring from the business. Although he likes his co-workers, including Colton (Billy Ray Cyrus) and his boss (George Lopez), he want a "normal" life. Cornering a Russian gangster will be his final "hurrah". In truth, Bob has fallen in love with a beautiful divorcée, Gillian (Amber Valletta) and wants to marry her. Trouble is, she has three cantankerous kids, Fallan (Madeleine Carroll), Ian and Nora. Whenever he arrives at their house, they find ways to humiliate him. So, when Gillian has to leave town to attend to a sick father, Bob sees an opportunity for him to "get closer" to the children. He'll babysit for them! After all, as Bob says, he has brought down dictators so he can certainly deal with three kids. Ha! Things go wrong almost immediately. Bob can't cook breakfasts the kids will eat, he has trouble stopping squabbles and he finds bedtime rules are difficult to enforce. Most seriously, Ian downloaded a secret file from Bob's computer and now the Russian badguys are after them! Can Bob manage to dodge bullets as he carpools the kiddies to school? This is a cute family film that should please almost everyone. It has a fine story, a zippy direction, a lot of action, and a nice cast. Chan is, as always, a wonderfully comic performer whose smile can light up the world. His inventive martial arts movements are mirthful, too. The rest of the cast, including Carroll, Cyrus, Lopez, and the others, are great, too. As for the settings, costumes, and production values, they are of the top-shelf variety. Especially beautiful is the suburban home where Gillian's family lives. All in all, everyone in the family will spy a winner here, during a showing, and be pleased as punch when the credits roll at film's end.

This is a very silly movie, but I quite enjoyed it. Jackie Chan doesn't do the crazy dangerous stunts he used to, but his brand of comedic martial arts is still entertaining. The kids are reasonably realistic, with only one being somewhat annoying precocious. There are some nice bits, like a running joke involving a criminal's wardrobe. The story doesn't make a lot of sense, especially since the McGuffin of the film would probably be far more lucrative in cleaning up the environment than for the impractical purpose the bad guys have in mind, but this movie isn't supposed to be anything more than a cute silly movie, and I thought it succeeded in that admirably.