Road Train

Australian genre films are rare, and good ones are even rarer. Unfortunately this isn't one of the good ones.

Flat, uninspired characters populate this Duel/Jeepers Creepers/Maximum Overdrive/Texas Chainsaw Massacre/Wolf Creek rip-off. Not one of the characters is interesting or well acted enough to inspire anything but annoyance from the audience. The script is a failure in all departments.

The whole film is just... off, from direction to editing, to acting and writing. Sure, it's clear they had a low budget... but it's also clear they had enough of a budget to make a good movie. There were some interesting ideas there with the truck and whatever the whole story was behind it, but it was all undercooked and fulfilled the small amount of potential it presented.

There's a definite underlying psycho-sexual theme in there too, replete with phallic and yonic imagery. Too bad the film isn't good enough to earn a thorough analysis of the stuff going on underneath the surface.

With such a small selection of genre films emerging from Australia these days, one tends to pin their hopes on any new entry that trundles along the beaten path. It's sad that out of all the scripts out there, this is the one that got made.

Sigh … Will I ever learn to stop renting horror movies solely based on their appealing DVD covers? I guess not … Here in my country "Road Train" got released in a blood red DVD box, with an illustration of the titular truck on the cover and a human skull processed into it. It's a lot grimmer than the Frightfest cover depicted here on the website, for sure. But anyway, the neat cover about concludes the positive things I have to share about this weak and pathetic attempt at making an Australian outback exploitation movie. "Road Train" easily could have been a terrific and straightforwardly frightening horror gem, somewhat of a crossover between the almighty "Duel" and "Wolf Creek", but instead director Dean Francis thought it would be cooler to do a pretentious and totally incoherent thriller with supernatural elements and complex character intrigues. Two couples on a camping trip in the Aussie outback are brutally rammed off the road by a gigantic truck and are forced to leave all their belongings behind in the car wreck. When they approach the truck, it's empty, but they are targeted by a gunman from a distance. They climb aboard the truck and intend to drive to the nearest community, but the imposing truck seemingly has a mind of its own and brings them far off-road to the middle of outback-nowhere. The first and perhaps most vital issue already starts with the introduction of the characters. They are two young couples that struggled with romantic betrayal and backstabbing in recent history, so it's absolutely utmost implausible that they would still embark on a camping holiday together! On top of being stupid and unreliable, they're also incredibly hateful and irritable people; every single one of them. It's never a good sign when in a horror movie you shamelessly hope for every character to die a horrible and gruesome death. The rest of the screenplay is a complete mess! The characters suffer from horrid hallucinations and descent into madness, yet few moments later they act totally normal and rational again. The hallucination sequences are thoroughly unelaborated (what do the red-eyes wolves signify, for example?) and most illogical. I can imagine that the heat and desolation of the Australian outback inflicts mental deterioration, but surely not after only a couple of hours? And if it's all caused by the truck itself, how and why? The massive road train looks impressive and effectively menacing, and the eventual revelation of what goes on inside the cargo containers is definitely morbid, but there isn't any background provided whatsoever. With the exception of one or two notable sequences, "Road Train" is also very disappointing in the blood & gore department. All the above and adding lousy acting performances, too many tedious parts and amateurish dialogs, leads to one of the most imbecilic horror flicks of the past years. If you ever come across a copy, I would strongly advise to give it a pass. Unless of course if you can't resist the enticing DVD cover art, which is something I can fully relate to.

Four youths camping in the Australian outback are nearly killed when a road train turns their car into a spinning lump of metal. Licking their wounds, the unwitting group discovers the driverless vehicle parked near the scene of the accident and decides to commandeer it. But the road train has other plans for the four and survival isn't necessarily among them.

Every so often, one comes across a film that truly defines the horror genre. It rises above the formula of B-grade horror to really delight the senses with astounding ideas, a bulletproof script, brilliant practical effects, and an irresistible moreish quality that makes it an instant classic you'll want to come back to every couple of years, marveling at how deep is its rewatch value.

'Road Train', however, does not have such rewatch value, being about as irresistible as the chance to fly a hang glider held together with paper clips. The script is about as bulletproof as a KFC refresher towel, while the only formula it adheres to is that of a Molotov cocktail, bombing as it does with unsanctioned alacrity not long after the opening credits. It is the true definition of mind-numbing ineptitude, and projects an obvious contempt for the audience by its conceptual laziness.

Characterisation is probably the key offender. Certainly, it would be ridiculous to expect a Camusian exploration of behavioural absurdism in the face of demonic supernatural transport, but we should at least like the people on screen. In 'Road Train', the writer seems to be going out of his way to ensure this doesn't happen by enmeshing the loathing and betrayal of recent infidelity with the inadequately explored mood swings supposedly brought about by otherworldly possession. There is the murky implication that the road train is a sort of Amityville House on wheels, but its effect on all who go near it is sloppily handled and way too immediate, resulting in characters flying off the handle with mystifying, unexplained regularity. This completely undermines any attempts at character conflict, since the viewer is unable to determine whether their problems are caused by said possession or a manifestation of their down-to-earth guilt and loathing.

Within this disjointed narrative, we also have the age-old problem of lazily-written horror films wherein characters continually place themselves in dangerous situations common sense would normally step in to prevent. Thus, whether from psychosis or incredible stupidity, the viewer is robbed of any real chance they may have of caring overmuch for the so-called protagonists. Devoid of empathy, they have little left but their curiosity as to what the vehicle truly represents. In this, 'Road Train' stays fairly mute: as with 'The Car' 33 years earlier, the viewer is encouraged to guess, with clues in the form of a snarling three-headed dog and surreal sequences of otherworldly descent. This approach works best, however, when the major characters speculate on the horror that has befallen them. We may never know who or what Michael Myers is, but the speculation of Dr Loomis that he is the embodiment of evil sets the ball rolling, leaving space for the viewer to draw their own conclusions. The internal dialogue not only gives them something to work with as they piece the puzzle together, but faith in the characters, who have behaved as anyone would by asking such obvious questions. Yet in 'Road Train', the hapless victims are seemingly too narcissistic to even notice the madness of their situation until the climax, by which point most of them are beyond redemption. How this encourages us to care is yet another mystery.

This in turn leads to the great revelation of how the road train operates: an admittedly unusual and horrific idea that on closer examination makes no sense whatsoever within the internal logic of the film. In 'Road Train', we are encouraged to simply accept the improbable existence of the antagonist without question, for questions lead to the punishment of frustration.

If anyone may be absolved from this nonsense however, it should be the actors, who are simply performing as required by the script. The Australian film industry is not especially large, and actors there have far less opportunities for prominence. Morley, Lowe, Haig and Samuel join the likes of Melissa George, for whom the comparatively superior 'Triangle' may just keep her in orbit long enough to attract attention. Praise too goes to the setting: the wilds of the South Australian outback make for the perfect horror film backdrop. The isolation and desolate dryness, properly utilized, can lend themselves to a truly claustrophobic drama. A shame therefore that the rich attributes of this timeless, ancient land is squandered on such dreck.

Such then is 'Road Train', a horror film for the reality TV generation and no less disposable. If the challenge had been to outdo 'Houseboat Horror', then it would leapfrog over the competition into first place. There was, however, no such challenge and I would urge everyone to take inspiration from the film's U.S title and run over any copies they may come across.

It's extraordinary that Sophie Lowe made this movie after "Beautiful Kate". Talk about coming in at the top floor... and riding the express elevator all the way to the basement.

I don't even know what "Road Train" is about, and I just finished watching it. It lost me and didn't find me again. Sure, I got the bits you already know if you haven't seen it already: two girls and two guys are travelling through the outback and are run off the road by a "road train", ie. a truck pulling more than one load. Their car is destroyed but they commandeer the titular train when they discover it apparently abandoned.

Then, all hell apparently breaks loose. Characters go crazy and kill each other for no reason I could discern. Is the truck haunted, and making them go crazy? What a stupid and unfilmable idea.

Aside from Lowe, the acting is also pretty bad, which just adds to the overall tackiness and ineffectiveness of the experience, which ends up feeling tiresome and annoying.

I honestly can,t begin to describe how bad this film is...so i won,t.Its enough to say i fast forwarded to the end after an hour to see if the ending could possibly redeem this awful film.Suffice to say it did,t.

The acting is risible,the plot the same.The characters jump from hysteria to dead calm in a matter of minutes,every decision they decide to take has you groaning in despair,not that you care for them anyway.

The plot contains every horror film cliché you could expect to see.The film is so unaware of itself,it can,t even be described as tongue in cheek.

Oh look,i did describe how bad it was....

Avoid Avoid Avoid........