Journey to the Center of the Earth

I was sick in bed and needed something to watch. This made me sicker.

Some of the very worst acting and script I have ever seen. Your time would be better spent watching paint dry.

The plot makes no sense.

The special effects were the least special I have ever seen.

This is a waste of my time writing this review, but I have to write enough to save some other poor sole from having to endure the fiasco of a movie.

It starts with an all girl team of soldiers with no explanation of why there are no men. I suspect it was hard finding men to appear in this movie. One of the girls thinks they will not be taken seriously by people at the destination if they are not in full battle gear. This is the only line in the movie that makes sense.

I usually get irritated when people give up on a film after less than a handful of minutes. Many a film will take a while to cook and a lot of hidden gems have been missed because people gave up on them too early.

It could well be that 'Journey...' will be that film for me. It was awful and I gave in after about ten minutes. And that includes time for the credits.

The camera work was poor, the acting was like a school play and the dialogue made day time soaps seem like Shakespeare.

I know actors have to pay bills, but they should at least do a decent day's work.

Fortunately I rented this, so it didn't hurt the bank too much and I got to hand it back.

AVOID !!!!

I don't usually post... but had to on this one. I'm guessing the marketing pitch went something like this, "Okay... we release this piece of roughly cobbled together footage from the cut-room floor from an old sci-fi flick that was killed for good reason 20 years ago at the exact same time as Brenden Frazier's 'Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3-D', call it by the exact same name and hope nobody notices. Who wants in?!" My wife kept jokingly asking, "Is this a 'Sweded' version of a 'real' movie?" (see "Be Kind, Rewind" for concept of "Sweding"). Honestly. An all female combat unit who is neither on a combat mission nor behave like soldiers. Poor whip-cams and badly edited cut scenes. Special "ship effects" that have repeat-cells (remember Scooby-Doo cartoons? Remember how the background kept "repeating" when the gang would run down a hallway). Horrific dialogue, audio mixing (it was like watching old Kung-Fu movies... lip flaps don't match the dialogue... crap, the Japanese Anime we watch does a better job than THIS movie did!), acting, direction, photography...honestly, the only thing even remotely redeeming was the lame attempt to give Homage to Aliens (pirated dialogue "Hey... you look just like i feel...", an easily identifiable "Hudson", and even a gratuitous "chest bursting" concept), which would have been mildly funny if it wasn't attempting to take itself seriously.

First, a single-word summary-- Unwatchable.

As I watched this film, I couldn't shake the impression that this may have been some group's first attempt at making a movie, with actors, crew, and technicians who are still learning their craft. The premise is intriguing, but of all the attempts to bring Jules Verne's 1864 novel to the screen, this one may be the worst of the lot. I am as willing as anyone to suspend my disbelief and hang on for the ride, if the story is well-told; but the wooden acting, preposterous dialog, cheesy special-effects, and overall lack of focus and discipline added up to a rather grueling hour and a half, that felt like six hours. If they were still making episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, this turkey would be ripe for a good basting.

A kind of transporter beam has been invented, and for a test run, a team of 6 female soldiers is sent from California to Stuttgart, Germany, which means they are beamed through the earth. They get stuck in a jungle with dinosaurs and realise this is most likely not Germany, but a lost world hundreds of miles below the surface. How can they ever be rescued from down there? But fortunately the sister of one of the soldiers just invented a laser drilling vehicle that can move below ground. What a lucky coincidence. Now there's just lots of monsters to run from. Will all members of the team survive the "Journey to the Centre of the Earth"?

Minimal budget flick that tried to profit from the blockbuster movie with the same title released around the same time. One example of the budget limitations: the area for the transporter beam is marked by a few stripes on the floor. That makes "The Time Tunnel" (1966 TV show) with its rotating opening look impressive by comparison. And of course nothing makes any sense, beginning with the equipment: why would they send soldiers with machine guns to Stuttgart, did they expect a riot? The opening titles are listing only 2 actors who are in this movie, I don't think I have seen such a lack of names anywhere before. Then again, there are reasons to remain anonymous here. I voted 3 of 10 because it has a few moments at least.