Journey to the Center of the Earth

A kind of transporter beam has been invented, and for a test run, a team of 6 female soldiers is sent from California to Stuttgart, Germany, which means they are beamed through the earth. They get stuck in a jungle with dinosaurs and realise this is most likely not Germany, but a lost world hundreds of miles below the surface. How can they ever be rescued from down there? But fortunately the sister of one of the soldiers just invented a laser drilling vehicle that can move below ground. What a lucky coincidence. Now there's just lots of monsters to run from. Will all members of the team survive the "Journey to the Centre of the Earth"?

Minimal budget flick that tried to profit from the blockbuster movie with the same title released around the same time. One example of the budget limitations: the area for the transporter beam is marked by a few stripes on the floor. That makes "The Time Tunnel" (1966 TV show) with its rotating opening look impressive by comparison. And of course nothing makes any sense, beginning with the equipment: why would they send soldiers with machine guns to Stuttgart, did they expect a riot? The opening titles are listing only 2 actors who are in this movie, I don't think I have seen such a lack of names anywhere before. Then again, there are reasons to remain anonymous here. I voted 3 of 10 because it has a few moments at least.

Even below the typical level of Sci-Fi channel stuff. Most of these movies you can laugh at, but this thing barely achieves even camp-level status. It has next to nothing to do with the Jules Verne work, only rips off and defames the title. In fact, everything in this movie is ripped off from somebody else's ideas.

The $7 budget used in this film was only enough to hire some Drama 101 students from a local middle-school. A rag-tag group of Xena-wanna-be's are supposed to go to Germany in a covert mission, using some sort of teleportation device. Would you believe it doesn't work right? Well, they don't materialize inside of solid rock like this movie's writers did; instead, they end up in a south Pacific tropical island paradise. It's the home to a few CGI dinosaurs that actually appear occasionally, usually to roar. There's other Skull island type grotesque creatures scaring our heroines, too.

The group of stereotypes--I mean soldiers include Vilma Dinkley. She examines a pebble, and immediately knows they're 600 kilometers below the surface, under magma. You heard that right: under magma. There's a bully cat-fighter girl, a Barbie cutout doll, and their Camp Fire girls troop leader--I mean, captain. They all look like refugees from an Annette and Frankie beach musical. Scenes involving the tunneling vehicle are even sillier. The scientist and the army guy ride around through magma like they do it every day, making one-liners. The machine emerges from a magma chamber into the Hawaiian set, and shows no signs of even being warm. No smoke, ash, discoloration--nothing.

If somebody sells the DVD of this at a yard sale for 25 cents, it's price gouging.

Some reviewers felt this mess was fun. Jeez. Their taste is in their mouth. This bore about boring to the center of the earth must have had Jules Verne spinning wildly in his grave. I found it at Wal-Mart and would love to get my $5 back. It is doubled with 100 Million BC, also with Greg Evigan. I enjoyed some of the '50s-60s schlock. They were fun. This was a ripoff. Less than 5 minutes of looking at a sick dinosaur with vocal cords, and a few minutes of a spider with gland problems, both phonier than Ma Bell. One more thing, the music was an outright steal from Phillip Glass. Action? None. It was talk-talk-talk, and stupid talk-talk-talk at that. The picture on the box has this really mean looking dinosaur. Evidently, he was cut out of the movie. Fred Flintstone's Dino was far more convincing. It is advertised as a Maximum Movie Experience. They should be sued for false advertising. The girls were good looking and a couple of them could be classified as actresses. Appearing in this piece of junk is no way to further a career. Does Michelle have any words of advice for her sister --- like----keep away from this tripe? You get the picture. Don't get this picture.

By every account this is a terribly bad movie. Why do I give it so many stars (well, 4 out 10)? Because the cheese factor kind of works in it's favor ... for me. It's got some sort of sick charm that appeals to 1 out of every 50 people and I guess I'm that 1 person.

Given that in 2008, 2 other Journey to the Center of the Earth movies were made (one Theatrical, one for the Hallmark TV channel) ... what spin could this one take? An all-female cast for starters (well, there is one slightly older middle-aged guy present, but he doesn't count), and teleportation to add a little novelty.

Here's the setup: a military team of women are using a relatively new teleportation machine to zip over to Germany. Their path takes them through the center of the Earth (well, only 600km deep) ... and something goes wrong and they get stuck in said location. The hot female scientist who designed the machine is now just finished work on a nuclear-powered, laser-blasting deep digging machine. This is what's used to rescue the lost women.

Part of the cheese factor for me is that in spite of a low budget, ridiculous cast and idea and clear special effects goofs (I don't think we're meant to see clouds underground) ... everyone in the movie tries to be serious. The result is a kind of offbeat amusement. In fact, I'm actually pretty impressed that the film makers didn't go the "T&A" route; the girl with the lip-ring in the beginning almost gets you thinking otherwise.

Anyway, I do not recommend watching this movie. However, if you believe that you may happen to like knucklehead adaptations of "Journey to the ..." movies, then by all means check it out. I kind of liked it.

I usually get irritated when people give up on a film after less than a handful of minutes. Many a film will take a while to cook and a lot of hidden gems have been missed because people gave up on them too early.

It could well be that 'Journey...' will be that film for me. It was awful and I gave in after about ten minutes. And that includes time for the credits.

The camera work was poor, the acting was like a school play and the dialogue made day time soaps seem like Shakespeare.

I know actors have to pay bills, but they should at least do a decent day's work.

Fortunately I rented this, so it didn't hurt the bank too much and I got to hand it back.

AVOID !!!!