The Graves

To put my comment in context, I love a good B movie, such as the Tarrantino's "Deathproof", or Peter Jackson's "Braindead", so I approached the film expecting to enjoy it.

I watched this during the "Grimm Up North" horror film festival in the Printworks in Manchester, UK. I could find nothing about it to recommend it. The acting was poor and the plot obvious, lacking any twists. The film completely failed to generate any sort of suspense, shock, or in fact, horror! All in all, extremely disappointing.

I actually enjoyed the short, shown prior to the film, much more than the feature!

This actually appeared on SyFy Channel. I am going to assume they only muted out the few words that I didn't hear and that was pretty much it. So I won't blame the channel for a poor edit. Pretty lame movie at the start quickly introducing us to two hot sisters who are supposed to be into comic books. Then we see them in the punk goth club for one last night out before they take a road trip heading towards more boredom than anything else.

The plot "borrows" from many older movies where young adults breakdown, visit, and otherwise go where angels fear to tread. This is as old as the traveling salesman jokes. Tony Todd makes a few appearances in this movie, but he is not portraying anything scary as he has in his other movies. His character is more like a clown than a monster. I can only imagine his need for money and hope that no one actually watched this movie was his reason for taking the role.

You can't feel anything for the characters since they never really develop during the movie. There is no sense of suspense, no horror, no chills, or thrills. In fact, one scene between actress Clare Grant and Bill Moseley in a school house has no impact on the movie as it really should. I wasn't quaking in fear that anyone was in danger. It felt more like a practical joke, as if Jillian Murray should have walked in and said, "Are you scared? Well you shouldn't be, because you're on Scare Tactics!".

A better name for this awful movie would have to be "Hack." You know how bad acting takes you out of the movie? Well, in the case of "The Graves" EVERYTHING takes you out of the movie. Bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, stupid story, and no reason whatsoever to waste your time with this.

I would say that Brian Pulido should go back to comics but he's not good at that either.

It's a waste when someone is given the talent to be great at something yet no drive to follow through. It's also a waste when someone is given the drive for accomplishment but only floods the market with garbage.

There is one rule in movie watching that seems to always...and I mean ALWAYS...be spot on. That rule is as follows: if you see Tony Todd's name in the title, you're about to be seriously underwhelmed. I can only think of one instance where this deviates and that was the movie Hatchet, however he was in it for all of 20 seconds hence his name was not in the opening credits and was therefore not in violation of the rule. Anyway, enough about that...moving on.

While The Graves isn't horrible, it's certainly middle of the road in pretty much every way. On the upside it's got Bill Moseley (who can do anything from big budget flicks to the lowest of low budget crap) and the phenomenally hot Clare Grant. On the downside, well, just about everything else. This is one of those movies that's not exactly unoriginal but still fails to be the least bit engaging for roughly 95% of the time. The film just doesn't really seem to know what it wants to be. It starts off veering towards a backwoods stalk-and-slash type of movie and then ends up in kooky religious cult territory. Either way, I wasn't exactly involved in the story. I guess if you're up for a movie with a bit of cheese (or happen to be somewhat drunk) this might appeal to you. Otherwise it just feels sort of bland.

Wow……and to think that all of the movies in the After Dark Horror-fest would be somewhat, oh I don't know…enjoyable? Because of what I had to deal with this first film, The Graves,……well, it wasn't pretty.

The Graves, a miserable little turd fest of a film, is about two girls, Meghan and Abby, going on a last trip together before Meghan leaves for New York. They go to comic book stores (which, I'm sorry, these girls look like they've never set foot in a comic shop in their lives) and talk about how Lady Death is the most awesome comic book ever…….really? (And don't worry, this is only one of the many faults of this movie.) They then stop in a diner (which is so far out of the way that the first girl to die in the original Nightmare on Elm Street is stuck waiting there), and they're lead to Skull Mine, which is said to be a ghost town after some brutal murders took place there. And then, guess what? Everything goes to hell……what a shock….

My first point is Brian Pulido. I should just stop there, but I'll guess I'll keep going. If you don't know who he is, he is one of the WORST comic book writers from the 1990s and the 2000s. He's responsible for writing such terrible comic books such as Lady Death (which I referred to before) and Evil Ernie. So when I heard he wrote, directed, and produced this piece of utter crap, I already knew it was going to be terrible. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing and he should stop thinking he can do anything creative.

And some of the acting in here is atrocious. You have your two female protagonists who can't act their way out of a wet paper bag. I mean, they have scenes where they are just SO melodramatic in scenes where they're in total danger! Also, you have Tony Todd……..really? Tony, why did you chose this? Did your wife need a new car? Did your daughter need more money to get into the collage she wanted? I mean, you were the candy man! Your cartoon-styled acting in this is so bad, that I almost broke down and cried.

Now, if there is anything redeemable about this film, it's that Bill Mosely (yep, Devils Rejects Bill Mosely) plays a guy called the "Pig Man", who is just a guy who puts on a fake pig nose and likes to kill people. I have to say that whenever he was on screen, a shimmer of light helped me get through this film.

But, all in all, there is almost (almost!) nothing to like about this film. It's not scary, it's not funny, it's not dramatic, It's not anything! And if it weren't for Bill Mosely, I would give this film a flat out zero.