Platoon of the Dead

Platoon of the Dead at time of writing presently has an astonishingly low 1.8 rating. If it had more ratings it would be finding itself in the IMDB bottom 100 movies, but it's obscurity is saving it from that fate.

It tells the story of three soldiers who seek refuge in a house hiding from an undead army.

Zombies? Yes, but not traditional. These can speak, melt, use weapons and are just seven shades of terrible really.

The film is incredibly poorly made, from the uniforms to the embarassing laser guns, the sound effects and everything inbetween. For the most part it was a chore to watch.

The cast are an odd bunch, bad put bareable and a host of weird lookalikes. One guy is the spitting image of Henry Rollins, a girl who looks just like Jennifer Tilly and the lead soldier resembles Korns Jonathan Davis.

It has sprinklings of entertainment and I don't believe it deserves the terrible rating. Make no mistake though this is still pretty dire and a demonstration of what not to do when making a movie.

The Good:

Ariauna Albright

The Bad:

Those guns, really!?

Dumb sound effects

Some atrocious acting

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Holding mobile phones upside down is standard military procedure

I was just waiting for the lead soldier to start singing Freak on a Leash

From the low quality camera work, hammy acting, ridiculous props, awful script, ludicrously bad effects, and stupid plot, you might think, "Man, this is a terrible movie." But no, what makes this movie so bad is much, much more than this. What really makes this movie so unbearable is the fact the film makers know that they suck, and revel in it. They make a mockery of the war movie genre, the zombie genre (both of which I am a huge fan of), and a mockery of amateur film makers. The only bright spots of the movie are the end, and some of the lines in the script that actually show the makers put some effort into writing the movie. However, even these well-written parts are lost on the actors, and in the end get delivered with the same derisive, poorly-timed, poorly-emoted effort as the rest of the film. All in all, a thoroughly terrible movie.

OK, did they just pick up some uniforms at the Army-Navy store? Because "Private" Dillon (Tyler David) has a gold leaf on his BDUs!

I guess they got the guns at Toys R Us because that is what they looked like.

The Lieutenant (Chris Keown) is in bad need of a shave and a haircut. I mean, come on, shoulder length hair on a soldier!

The only actor with any resume in this film was Ariauna Albright. She is not particularly noteworthy, but did lead me to two new films of interest: Caged Lesbos A-Go-Go (with Lloyd Kaufman as President Obama), and Vaginal Holocaust (Rape, Revenge, Hicks, Vampires and a Man-Eating Vagina!) Can't wait for those!

War film buffs will find this ludicrous. Zombie buffs will find it boring.

This is by far one of the worst "horror" films you will ever watch guaranteed. You know how there are those movies that you know are going to be bad, but you watch it anyway and think "well, that wasn't so bad".... this isn't that movie, trust me. The acting, script, directing, production, and dare I say "special effects" were deplorable and embarrassing. While the plot was interesting, the movie itself was a big let down. The script itself was probably the movies major downfall, that and the fact there was NO climax at any point of the movie. I will never get this wasted time in my life back. Just don't do it, walk away from this one...just walk away.

The only good thing about this "movie" is that it ends. There isn't anything worth calling acting, the dialogue is all sorts of awful, the effects are somehow worse than anything from movies of decades past, and it's clear not much research was done into the uniforms. Lt. Roberts has hair (and facial hair) that are way against any guidelines except for those in a Tresseme commercial. The worst offense? That they even remotely tried to pass off Star Wars toy-replica blasters as real weapons. Even in terms of needing "futuristic" weapons this is just embarrassing.

This movie is proof that anyone with a couple of friends and a camera can make a movie someone's willing to stream. There are better zombie-military movies on *certain* websites. At least those have a little bit of a plot. Don't waste your time on this trash.