Beer for My Horses

I have no earthly idea what "Beer for My Horses" is supposed to be or whom it's supposed to appeal to, but it does have one of the most unusual casts I've seen in ages. Rock and country music stars Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, Mel Tillis, Ted Nugent, Mac Davis and David Allen Coe join up with actual, honest-to-God actors like Tom Skerrit and Claire Forlani in a film derived from Keith's hit country song of the same name.

In fact, Keith co-wrote, directed and plays the lead in this tale of an Oklahoma sheriff whose girlfriend is kidnapped after he and his men arrest the brother of a nefarious Mexican drug lord for stealing fertilizer, apparently a key ingredient in meth production (who knew?). Soon, the law enforcer and his posse are headed south-of-the-border to rescue the girl.

Keith has thrown just about everything he can think of into the mix: small-town buffoonery, race-tinged melodrama, low-keyed romance, a troupe of circus performers, a flatulent bulldog, and more scowling Mexicans than you can shake a sombrero at. Somehow it's all supposed to go together, but even the most accomplished filmmaker would have trouble making it all work. Still, it's so homespun, scruffy and amiable that criticizing it too harshly would be like kicking the family mutt.

I'm a woman, and usually people assume that women don't like dumb guy comedies. But more often than not, I'd rather watch something funny than something heartwarming. I'd rather have a little heartwarming in a lot of comedy than the other way around. And in the case of this silly, cheesy, predictable movie, I got my comedy with a dash of heart-warmth.

I like Toby Keith -- he's kinda hot. And I love to listen to him talk. Rodney Carrington is one of the funniest, most talented people out there. And for both of them to be a in movie together -- I was pleased. I laughed my butt off at some of the gags.

I think my favorite part, however, was Ted Nugent as Skunk. As a fellow reviewer pointed out, it was hilariously ironic at that one of entertainment's most opinionated souls, "Talks when he has something to say," as Rack put it. Genius!

I read on the message boards the following line: "For the love of god, how did an angel like Claire Forlani end up in hell?" And I think that sums up my thoughts on this film.

So, you give Rodney Carrington and Toby Keith the power to write a movie, named after a Toby Keith song, and directed by a guy who has done some Garth Brooks music videos. Throw in Willie Nelson, an arrow-launching Ted Nugent and David Allan Coe. I just don't know what to think anymore.

The movie is absolutely stupid, and you may enjoy that if you need to turn off your brain or you've already seen every episode of "Bridezilla". I don't know what the political message here is... I'm sure it's convoluted and stupid, though, since that's what happens the second you associate with Nugent (a fine musician, an idiot otherwise).

"Beer For My Horses" is a redneck-flavored "buddy cop" comedy starring country music superstar Toby Keith and down-home comedian Rodney Carrington (the pair also co-wrote the script) as small-town Oklahoma sheriff deputies. Toby's the strong silent hero type while Rodney provides the goofball comic relief. When the two stop a gang of crooks from stealing fertilizer from a local farm, one of their prisoners turns out to be the brother of a particularly vicious Mexican drug lord. From there you can pretty much write the script yourself -- the prisoner tells Keith "My brother is going to kill you," Toby laughs it off, then his girlfriend is kidnapped right out of her car on a country road late at night. Of course, the prisoner's brother is responsible, and he arranges an exchange -- "You bring me my brother or I'll kill the girl." Thus, Keith and Carrington sneak their prisoner out of jail and head off to Mexico in Carrington's absurdly over-the-top monster pickup truck, having various misadventures along the way (some of which are far too silly to describe here) before a final showdown South of the Border. Do I really need to tell you how it all turns out? I didn't think so. Toby Keith has suggested that this film is meant to be an homage to the "Cannonball Run" or "Smokey and the Bandit" movies, i.e. not to be taken very seriously. To me, it seemed like they weren't sure whether they were making a straight-up cop movie or a screwball comedy, and never found the proper balance between the two. Toby's a decent enough actor, and Carrington is always good for a few yuks, but I was actually embarrassed for him by the time we got to the scene in a rest-stop men's room where he leads a group of loitering gang-bangers in a sing-along. Willie Nelson is always a welcome presence in movies like these, but he seems wasted in a bit part as the father figure of a traveling circus. I got the most laughs out of the first half hour or so, showcasing Toby's domestic problems and the lack of respect he gets at work from his superior officers. Once they hit the road for Mexico, the movie starts to fall apart. My favorite character in the whole movie is Ted Nugent, who plays a fellow deputy who never speaks (except for two words at the end) -- knowing what a motormouth he is in real life, I imagine it must've been hell for him to keep his trap shut for nearly the entire movie!! In short, "Beer For My Horses" is OK for a few laughs if you happen to catch it on Country Music Television (where it airs on a seemingly weekly basis) but not something you need to seek out unless you're a fan of any of the participants.

Looking at the rating, it looks like this is one of the worst movies ever. But fact it's a lot of fun. It is not, as I expected, a movie where the action takes place only to tie together various music videos. I don't know why I expected that.

But I was pleasantly surprised. The main characters are fun, and easy enough to root for. The bad guys are really bad, with hardly any redeeming virtues--at least none that we see in the movie. The conflict is laid out very simply, in the form of a challenge, and the main characters go for it. Hilarity ensues.

Also, always good to have a dog.

OK, the movie pulls in a lot of typical tropes, but it executes them well.