Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent

I'd give Lockjaw 1 star purely because IMDb will not allow me to rate it any lower. 1 star is being extremely generous. The whole film is terrible with wooden acting throughout, at times it's too painful for words. In addition you have to endure the lack of continuity that runs from beginning to end. As if the horrendous special effects don't make it unbelievable enough.

I would seriously not recommend this film if time is remotely precious to you. It's an hour you'll never get back and will leave you questioning why on earth it ever made it to DVD. It cost £7 here in the UK which is absolutely shocking. I like cheesy horror films that manage to be awful but good at the same time. This can't even claim to be that, it is just genuinely one of the most ridiculously dire films I have ever seen.

Film opens with the name CARNIVOROUS, tried to send IMDB a correction , but their form is beyond confusing and ridiculous. It's a good movie, story line for a B movie.

I guess I'm the only person here who enjoyed "Carnivorous," also titled "Lockjaw: The Curse of the Kulev Serpent." Not that it was great or even really good but it delivered pretty well as an entertaining Grade-B creature-on-the-loose flick in the "Friday the 13th" mold (Jason was definitely an infernal creature btw or he at least became one as the series progressed).

THE PLOT: A serpent-with-an-alligator-head is released in rural Louisianna via a Voodoo pen that's formed into a serpent/alligator with red glowing eyes. This is unique, but the main plot is the same as most creature features based on "Friday the 13th": A group of youths go out to the boonies to party while the creature takes 'em out one by one. The kids who have sex die, the ones who don't live. So, although the way the monster is released is original (and nigh incomprehensible), the main story is standard.

I should also point out that rapper DMX appears as a black Rambo-type, but it's not a significant role until the 3rd act.

You'll note that everyone else here only gives the film a very low rating so they all obviously think it's a total piece of excrement. However, despite this being a low-budget monster flick it delivered quite well in a handful of requisite areas:

• The film was shot in the cane fields of rural Louisianna; any time you get a modern flick of this ilk shot anywhere other than B.C. Canada it's a plus.

• Most here comment on how unlikable the youths are, but they act precisely as youths would act on vacation at a party cabin in the sticks. Most of us acted this way when we were that age, at parties anyway. Regardless, at least two or three of them aren't obnoxious in any way that I can detect.

• The heroine of the tale, Lauren fain who plays Sam, is good. She's not ultra-sexy or anything but she's likable with a uniquely pretty face.

• Victoria Vodar, who plays Ashley, is the sexpot in requisite skimpy attire. She has a dance sequence that's worth the price of admission. One reviewer referred to this sequence as "exceptionally poor;" all I can say is he has no eye for exceptionally gorgeous women or tantalizing dance sequences.

• The first half of the film highlights a married couple (Louis Herthum & Debra Arnott) who genuinely love each other and clearly show it. This is so rare today, particularly in these types of films, that when you observe it it's not only pleasant, it's actually shocking.

• The CGI creature isn't seen too often but it's serviceable, if not remarkable.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK:

• As noted above, some aspects of the plot concerning the voodoo creature are nigh incomprehensible, but you'll get the gist of it. (What I was wondering is: What if the person with the occultic pen drew something other than a big serpent-creature killing the people? Would the curse still work or does s/he HAVE to draw a serpent-like creature? If so, how did the little boy at the beginning acquire this knowledge?).

• The film's not all that compelling; the storytelling could have been better.

• The absolute worst part of this picture is the hit-and-run scene where the kids hit a woman in their vehicle IN BROAD DAYLIGHT and NOT ONE OF THEM EVEN NOTICES! They dismiss it as possibly hitting an animal or something. Why sure! This sequence is so bad that there's no way I could possibly give the film anything above 5/10 Stars (for what it is) in good conscience.

The film runs a short-but-sweet 76 minutes.

BOTTOM LINE: With the exception of the lame hit-and-run sequence the film delivers pretty well as a fun low-budget creature-on-the-loose flick, nicely shot in the cane fields of Louisianna. Lauren Fain is a solid heroine with a uniquely attractive face and Victoria Vodar's awe-inducing scenes are worth the price of admission.

GRADE: C+

In the countryside, the boy Alan and his friend Becky steal a creepy wooden box with a powerful voodoo stick inside from his voodooistic neighbor. When the boy draws with the stick, his drunken father is attacked by a snake and vanishes. Years later, Alan (Louis Herthum) and Becky (Lisa Arnold) are married to each other; while planting some flowers to celebrate the death of Alan's mother, Becky finds the box buried in the garden and she keeps the stick in her pocket. Meanwhile, five shithead friends are traveling in the monster truck drinking beer. The driver accidentally runs over Becky, but believes he had hit an animal. When Alan witnesses the hit-and-run and sees his wife dead, he uses the stick seeking revenge against the youngsters. Later Alan regrets the use of the Kulev stick to bring Lockjaw to seek revenge and decides to help the teenagers to kill the serpent.

The lame "Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent" is a terrible movie, with a story that is a rip-off of the storyline of "Pumpkinhead" (a redneck that seeks revenge after the death of his wife (instead of son) by reckless teenagers from the big city) with a snake that recalls "Anaconda" with "Aligator" head. Most of the lines are laughable and near ridiculous and the CGI effects are very poor. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Magia Negra" ("Black Magic")

What a god awful waste of time and television broadcasting bandwidth. This movie is an IQ test . . . if you watch, you fail. I thought nothing could be worse than Bone Eater... I was wrong. Nothing could possibly be worse than Mutants... I stand corrected. There were so many things wrong with this movie, not the least of which was the acting, there's just everywhere to start, and nowhere to finish. I've seen more realistic responses from a corpse than those generated by the rejects performing in this piece of trash. Why would anyone in the movie-making business let their name be associated with this thing? Anyway, do yourself a favor, sidle up to a piece of metal and watch rust develop... you'll be far happier.