Rock Monster

There's really only one reason to watch this awful movie, so let's get it out of the way as fast as possible: Jon Polito's bit part is awesome. I don't think Polito knew "Rock Monster" wasn't a parody, but it all worked out fine. Most semi-established actors that take jobs in low-budget garbage totally phone it in, but Polito does the exact opposite and chews the scenery like there's no tomorrow. Damn it, why isn't he the lead? Unfortunately the Polito-free bits are much harder to sit through, mainly because everything just moves at a snail's pace. Take for instance the whole sequence after they "kill" the monster for a first time: you know the movie's only halfway done, you know it's not really dead yet. Why do they show the villagers celebrating for what feels like eight hours? Get to the damn point. Furthermore, why do they put so much effort into killing the indestructible supercreature when they know for a fact that it's controlled by a mortal guy who can barely take a punch? Damn it, just kill that guy! I guess these Russian villagers just really enjoy challenges, that's probably why they speak English with one another as well. Overall there's just nothing about "Rock Monster" that kept my attention. Everything about it is terrible, but at the same time not terrible enough to really laugh at. So basically, it's one of the most frustrating B-movies you can encounter. Steer clear.

Four friends are backpacking across Europe, when their bus breaks down in rural Bulgaria they hike through a forest where they find an ancient sword stuck in a rock. One of the guys pulls it out and in doing so unwittingly unleashes an evil creature - the Rock Monster! The title alone should serve as a warning to potential viewers that classic monster movie this is not! I can't say much good about this made for TV film I'm afraid. Despite being set in a remote Bulgarian village everyone there seems to speak or understand English quite fluently, I'd have been happy to have had some Bulgarian dialogue coupled with subtitles but I guess so many viewers for these type of films are too lazy to read them. To its credit there are several Bulgarian actors in the cast. However a stunning barmaid called Cassandra (Natalie Denise Sperl) says that she'd love to go to the USA, judging by her "Romanian" accent I think it fair to say that she's already spent much time there! Amongst the cast we get non-actors to established actors, Jon Polito being the prime example of the latter though he really hams it up as a former communist military general. As for the Rock Monster itself the usually horrid CGI "special" effects are fairly reasonable plus there is a gore highlight in which a man quite literally loses the top of his head. There is a lot of romance plus a bit of comedy in the plot but I would like to have seen more horror, I found it rather boring.

I reserve that dishonour to the likes of Titanic II, Alien vs Predator, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Super Tanker, 2010: Moby Dick and Quantum Apocalypse. But that is not saying Rock Monster is good, it is not, at least not to me. It gets plus points for some okay, if not great, acting, especially from the lead and Jon Polito, though David Figlioni overdoes it pretty badly, and a few moments of good-natured goofy charm. However, this is really one of those movies where the title itself tells you all you need to know. The story is incredibly basic and predictable, not much difficult from other creature movies of the SyFy channel, with some ridiculous suspend-disbelief moments, like the ending, and some of it feels rushed through. The final act completely falls apart, compared to some of the film's good nature this part feels like a completely different movie and in all honesty I lost interest. The script had a few quirks that I liked, but overall it was cheesy and all over the place, and the characters are stereotypical and not always easy to engage with. As for the effects, I have no better news, the Rock Monster/Creature of the title looks cheap and has no menace whatsoever. All in all, not one of SyFy's worst, but ridiculous and not much different from other SyFy movies of this genre. 3/10 Bethany Cox

I love "B" movies.. and i don't care for many of the sci-fi channel "Made for TV" ones..

But this one was o.k.

The humor (intentional) added a light-hearted aspect that kept it entertaining.

The special effects were typical "Sci-Fi" channel cgi..

The acting was better than some.. but not Oscar nomination material.

The story was decent.....

Rate it 6 out of 10.. not a bad way to kill some time.

My wife thinks i'm insane for watching movies like this... but hey... we all find entertainment in different forms.. I remember one of my fondest memories growing up was watching Saturday Afternoon "B" sci-fi movies with my father on the local independent channel (WUAB out of Cleveland.).. this brought back some fond memories.

The story is not predictable, because you can describe it in a short paragraph. The rest of it was simply filler - a guy trying to walk to another town after failing to do so in a car and seeing it destroying two vehicles; the rock monster being blown to the ground after hitting a car with its fist and making it explode, but not at the least bit affected by a grenade; the monster throwing trees and cars around at attackers, but does nothing except getting stabbed by a guy coming at it with a sword. that sort of thing.

I don't want to call anyone names, but I think the only people that calls this movie good is either involved in the production, or, well, let's not go there.