The Perfect Hideout

Here's the deal -- I was looking for a time-killer tonight, nothing too cultured, no red-wine sipping with friends, with a 6 hour post film analysis.

Just straight-up -- whack in the DVD player, keep the eyes open and pop it roughly out 2 hours later.

So I flicked through the new release section at high speed, "Billy Zane" caught my eye and that was enough to take it home and fire it up.

And ... time-killer it is for sure. This is a really average movie -- I'm sorry to say that I think Billy Zane has gone the way of Wesley Snipes (I watched his D-grade movie, The Art of War II last night). As for Perfect Hideout -- some say this was a spoof, others say it was an action movie, others a comedy or maybe even a horror.

Unfortunately, I think it's just plain awful. And actually, really quite annoying at times -- primarily annoying because it could have been done so much better.

You can find movies which are worse, so if you're down to the last few movies at the DVD store, then give this a whirl... But save it for your last option.

If it was a spoof movie caricaturing action movies it would've been OK...unfortunately it isn't.This movie has the rare ability of kicking your habit for enjoying movies in general. The acting is awful and predictable, the lines are delivered with no real emotion or tension. One of the most annoying aspects, to me at least, are the dialogues. You feel as if they are cut-outs from the collection of "the crappiest movies in history of movie making"...and that is matched by the equally, if not more, annoying soundtrack. The pace of the movie feels forced and the logical sequence doesn't make any sense. Do not let me start on the plot or the lack of one. It is almost as if it had been written by a 3 year old (no offense intended to 3 year olds - they would probably do a better job).

Billy Zane does bring some stability to the whole thing but not enough to save it. His acting is probably the only aspect that make it worth to even consider watching this one.

All in all in comparison, you would probably spent your time more usefully sitting for two hours in front of a blank screen...

Hope you enjoy it...

It's supposed to be set in Germany...? Those "Germans" look and sound a lot like Americans! Billy Zane is a charming actor. Cristian Solimeno seemed like a decent actor. Melinda Y. Cohen is beautiful. I've seen plenty of low budget films. These actors aren't terrible. It's the script. The dialogue is stilted and childish. Also, that SWAT team...not believable. I saw the comedy bits. It had some horror parts too. I wish it was more into a specific genre, but it's all over the place. They're also too cozy with that killer even after they find out what he did. He's way too cozy with them! The ending left me completely bewildered as to what I just witnessed. Anticlimactic doesn't seem like the right term to describe it. It started off good, then... "Eh...? It's over?" Yeah, the movie has a very weak resolution. You have to see it to believe it. It's like they were running out of film and just said, "End it."

It's supposed to be set in Germany...? Those "Germans" look and sound a lot like Americans! Billy Zane is a charming actor. Cristian Solimeno seemed like a decent actor. Melinda Y. Cohen is beautiful. I've seen plenty of low budget films. These actors aren't terrible. It's the script. The dialogue is stilted and childish. Also, that SWAT team...not believable. I saw the comedy bits. It had some horror parts too. I wish it was more into a specific genre, but it's all over the place. They're also too cozy with that killer even after they find out what he did. He's way too cozy with them! The ending left me completely bewildered as to what I just witnessed. Anticlimactic doesn't seem like the right term to describe it. It started off good, then... "Eh...? It's over?" Yeah, the movie has a very weak resolution. You have to see it to believe it. It's like they were running out of film and just said, "End it."

There is zero, and I mean zero, logic involved in this mess. It's stupidity is absolutely an insult to the audience, and it's entertainment value is absolute zero. Dumb characters with no development, lame dialog, and a script that appears to have been made up as things went along. Shot almost entirely in one house, the claustrophobic environment gets unbearable with the meaningless dialog permeating this disaster. The whole thing just gets worse and worse with each passing scene, and finally the wheels come off completely with a totally unbelievable conclusion, as a meek girlfriend suddenly turns into "Rambo". Astoundingly awful. - MERK