The Perfect Hideout

There is zero, and I mean zero, logic involved in this mess. It's stupidity is absolutely an insult to the audience, and it's entertainment value is absolute zero. Dumb characters with no development, lame dialog, and a script that appears to have been made up as things went along. Shot almost entirely in one house, the claustrophobic environment gets unbearable with the meaningless dialog permeating this disaster. The whole thing just gets worse and worse with each passing scene, and finally the wheels come off completely with a totally unbelievable conclusion, as a meek girlfriend suddenly turns into "Rambo". Astoundingly awful. - MERK

OK, so as usual I checked out IMDb before watching this movie, to see what I was up for. I read the first comment that appeared and took it to be a spoof of some sort. Then is started watching the movie and realized that it actually takes itself seriously. So next I assumed it would somehow be so bad, that it was funny again (which is the only reason I ever watch horror movies). Well, what can I say? I was wrong. There are a few scenes that will get you to chuckle a little, but nothing really funny. Without any comedy to speak of, you are left with an action movie, and that's where the problems really start. To sum up the movie, all I can think of is that none of the character's decisions after entering the house even remotely make any sense. To start with, the movie is set in Germany and everyone is American. That much would still fall within your normal action movie inaccuracies, but from that point it just rapidly goes downhill. I can't comment more on the details without spoilers, but take my word for it, nothing makes sense. So the only reason to watch this movie would be if you're hanging out with some friends and enjoy making fun of movies for their horrible plots (which I know to be a fun activity at times).

What can I say, the story isn't so bad actually. The problem is that it's just too short for a whole movie. So 75 percent is useless conversations to stretch the movie. The acting is also very very bad. No emotion at all. It's not as if I'm looking at a movie, but looking at a very bad theater performance from some amateurs who would like to make their own movies. The overall sound is also quite weak. Somebody dubbed the wrong sound effect to make it sound better, but it just gets more unrealistic. The picture quality doesn't look like it is shot on film. I'm even wondering if this movie is shot with a VHS recorder? Don't waste your time on this movie, I regret watching this one...

OK, I'm not going to pretend that this movie is for everyone. It's obviously very low budget, the sound and video quality are apparently distractingly bad for some viewers (easily overlooked by me, personally), and there really aren't many likable characters (a stopper for some people, but, again, not for me); however, if the humor works for you, you'll find it laugh out loud funny at parts (stupid thieves blundering from bad situation to even worse situation, cops shooting "innocent" people, and other very *black* humor elements). Probably the best way to describe this movie is by comparing it to Very Bad Things, though they only share a few surface similarities. If you're a huge Billy Zane fan (and let me advise people that I actually liked Survival Island, so take that into consideration when I say this movie is only for Billy Zane fanclub members), and you can handle very dark humor, this is a great watch.

I got the impression that the people making this movie had a lot of fun, and, for me, that really pushed it over the hump from a rather poor 4/10 to a flawed-but-fun 6/10. I was entertained, and I got to see one of my favorite stars ham it up. I think it accomplished what it set out to do. I think that I'd greatly enjoy watching this movie with the filmmakers, laughing at the cheesy moments and not taking it very seriously. If that's you, I heartily recommend you give this movie a chance, despite the low rating and (admittedly true) criticism from other reviewers. Can you overlook the faults or not? If not, give this movie a wide berth.

If it was a spoof movie caricaturing action movies it would've been OK...unfortunately it isn't.This movie has the rare ability of kicking your habit for enjoying movies in general. The acting is awful and predictable, the lines are delivered with no real emotion or tension. One of the most annoying aspects, to me at least, are the dialogues. You feel as if they are cut-outs from the collection of "the crappiest movies in history of movie making"...and that is matched by the equally, if not more, annoying soundtrack. The pace of the movie feels forced and the logical sequence doesn't make any sense. Do not let me start on the plot or the lack of one. It is almost as if it had been written by a 3 year old (no offense intended to 3 year olds - they would probably do a better job).

Billy Zane does bring some stability to the whole thing but not enough to save it. His acting is probably the only aspect that make it worth to even consider watching this one.

All in all in comparison, you would probably spent your time more usefully sitting for two hours in front of a blank screen...

Hope you enjoy it...