Harpoon

Just saw this "Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre" at the ScreamFest 2009 Film Festival and it was fantastic. A very droll and bloody film, "Massacre" follows a whale watching expedition that goes all kinds of wrong. The synopsis makes it appear like it will be "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" on a whaling vessel, but it's much more than that. Plenty of splatter to go around, but made with great humor.

My wife and I briefly chatted with director Julius Kemp who was extremely polite and revealed that they indeed created the movie after coming up with the title as I guessed. The film is currently hitting the film festival circuit, so catch it if you can. There's no current distribution for the U.S., though it has been sold overseas in the U.K. and other countries.

With "Let the Right One In," "Dead Snow," and now "Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre," Scandinavia is becoming a force to be reckoned with in the world of horror film making. Bravo.

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If that's the case, then Tobe Hooper's "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" must be a very proud man. Many a movie has tried to imitate that movie for a while now, to the point of it becoming more than a little tiresome. Sure, some have managed to succeed in this regard, but many, many more have failed. Though nowhere near as bad as others, "Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre" just can't pull it off in the end.

In Iceland, a motley group of friends and strangers decide "Hey, we should go whale watching!" This is all great at first. Then an all around annoying alcoholic Frenchman named Jean-Francois (Aymen Hamdouchi) start's goofing off, leading to the boat breaking down and the captain ("Chainsaw's" own Gunner Hansen, here advertised in top billing yet regulated to a cameo) dying. Fortunately, they end up being picked up by a whale fishing vessel. Too bad that it's run by a group of sadistic "Fishbillies" who have some harsh plans.

From the get go, you can tell that "Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre" wants desperately to be the Icelandic answer to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." To it's credit, it does manage to get a few things right. The movie is rather tongue in cheek to say the least, and some of the humor on display got me to laugh a few times. There's also a great, eerie score by Hilmar Örn Hilmarsson, as well as some choice cinematography. Oh, and the kills and gore are pretty fun at times too, with one near the end that made even jaded old me applaud.

But it still comes up short. I know that this isn't going to be the most original movie, but this is an instance in which familiarity doesn't breed contempt, but boredom instead. This kind of horror movie has been done so many times, and here there just isn't enough to make it stand out. I don't care how crazy these sea-faring hillbillies are, it's still rather annoying. From a social standpoint, the film seems to be making some kind of statement about the whaling industry and it's effect on nature and economy, yet the movie likes to have it both ways, portraying anti-whaling types as selfish, unlikable hippies (though that is true in some cases-look as "Whale Wars.")

The biggest problem though, is that it doesn't seem to know who should be the main character. First you think it's going to be Annette (Pihla Viitala), but the next thing you know it's Mary-Anne (Miranda Hennessy) and Leon (Terence Anderson) and then it's a female Japanese tourist named Endo (Nae.) Not only do we have nobody to root for, but we also have no real main character. Films like this need a major character to hope for, and this offers none of that.

I will say again that in the world of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" tributes and rip-offs, this is far from one of the worst. At the same time though, it offers very little else, and feels like a wasted opportunity. Oh well, chalk up another one.

Interesting fact: Apart from writing the screenplay for this movie, Sjón Sigurdsson also wrote songs for Lars Von Trier's "Dancer in the Dark." Quite a difference to say the least.

What a poster! What a title! What a stinking piece of arctic garbage! Simple enough story. Group of unrelated people set off on a whale watching expedition. Something goes awry. Bad family of crazies show up. Tourists think they're being rescued. People start dying. Try to survive. There ya go.

What a stinking horrible summary that was, huh!? And I could give a crap! This flick in no way deserves my cognitive efforts, and if you think you're gonna read a review that cares...get ready for a supriseis!!1

I really don't even know where to start. I suppose starting with the good is the best case here...since anything positive was entirely slim-pickings. The make-up and blood effects were impressive. The ending was grim. That's it.

The bad...which I forbid to dwell upon, encompassed everything else. The acting was amateur, the writing awful, the use of a Bjork song was appalling, the characters were annoying, and the direction....A word...A word...A word......atrocious. Yes! And the entire movie itself....abysmal! Look at me go, Ma!! To be fair to the entire crew and what not, the productions were indeed slick, but when it came down to telling a solid horror story, it not only dropped the ball, it dropped the ball from the top of the Empire State Building into a pile of steaming Orca excrement. Don't let the positive reviews fool you, or the useful/not useful voting. This movie sucks my ass!

There aren't many horror films from Iceland; however, this one is a very good start. "Harpoon" has all the great elements of a horror film, despite its less than stellar subtitle "Whale Watching Massacre." The director chose all the right performers to bring the characters to life; each actor did a great job at owning the person they were portraying; however, the director left much to be desired in the action department...and the film could've done without the few gasps of ironic comedy with the character Endo and the matriarch of the insane clan. Overall, the gore effects were good and a few surprising moments that the audience may not suspect. I really despised the ending because it disabled me from taking the film seriously overall, meaning the ending was too campy for this type of film. Kudos again to the actors who performed very well.

HARPOON: THE REYKJAVIK WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE is billed as Iceland's first horror film and their answer to THE Texas CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, with the action shifted to an inhospitable landscape and a ship. Unfortunately, it turns out to be as dull-witted and laughable as many a Hollywood slasher sequel, a film that strives to be horrific and entertaining and yet which ends up a mess.

The first half of the film sets up the cast, which is fair enough, but it doesn't help that most of the characters are intensely irritating (with the exception of the black guy and the Japanese girl). Gunnar Hansen pops up for a worthless cameo, but after that we're mired in a mess of horror film clichés and predictable death sequences. It's all badly written and quite badly directed, two things which sap enjoyment from the production.

One thing HARPOON does have going for it are some explicit gore sequences, although these aren't quite as grisly as you'd expect, with the emphasis being on the staging of each effect rather than going all-out to gross-out the viewer. But such moments aren't enough to save what is another forgettable, lamentable horror yarn.