Vikings

If you want to see a viking's anus unload and leave a sloppy viking turd in the bushes, watch him wipe his ass, and see him kill his viking lover's monk friend,"Sancho",,, than this is for you... Otherwise, skip it! PS: The head-banging intermission to Pagan Metal was awesome!

So IMDb doesn't like the fact i have less than 10 lines for such a shitty movie! So I'm BS'n for four more lines after this one. Why did he kill the monk? He was jealous that the monk was giving his friend foot rubs. Maybe he didn't like homo's? And that was not a passionate Indian lovemaking like this other review I read. She was stealing his Viking seed... Nothing more. His bracers staked in the ground. She raped him... Maybe she was paying him back for the way his vikings raped her mom? Like when the Indian killed the other viking. The look on his face was satisfied. Then you can read the expression as a first kill. Then the blonde one buries an axe in his chest like a 500 B.C. Frank.

Well I wouldn't be nearly as brutal as some of the reviewers. I actually ended up liking this movie quite a bit. I didn't bail out on the initial shaky cam beach scene once I started recognizing this as an art statement more than anything. The movie is quite haunting if you allow yourself to feel what these poor lost vikings might have really felt in such a distant forlorn place. The sense of desolation is something I empathize with (I'm a big Alaska tourist fan) and the medieval history is also something I'm quite fond of. So yes, maybe your average movie goer is probably going to quickly bail out on the viewing. For me, the movie is quite a different experience, shows brutally honest depictions of some natural acts, and ends on a complete note of frustration as it should. I felt the writer/director had a complete sense of the psychology of this historical experience that I enjoyed watching.

Now with a topic as exciting as the Norse discovery of North America and the intrigue of the fate of two lone Vikings left behind, you'd think this movie would be Awesome. On top of that the rich and amazing literary tradition of the Sagas provide ample material that would translate wonderfully to the screen. Simply filming the Vinland Sagas with Freydis and the feuding would have been a recipe for an incredible cinematic romp.

But two lost Vikings roaming the pre-Columbian expanse of North America - interacting with the tribes, encountering foreign peoples, flora and fauna, astonishing the natives etc - that could also have been an incredible story.

But no. With almost no dialogue and bad synth music, the viewer is subjected to an hour and a half of two guys cutting down trees and shitting in the woods.

This is not a movie that's so bad it's good. It's just bad.

...and where are YOUR cinematic masterpieces? How many Oscar winning films have you made, Jack? Severed Ways may have sucked, but at least they went out and actually tried to make a movie. I really hate all the would-be "Critics" here who do nothing but complain about how bad every movie is, but yet, haven't made anything worthwhile themselves. Jealousy isn't a very flattering thing, which most "Critics" seem to be.

As far as the soundtrack is concerned, the music(although not really fitting into the movie very well), is at least different than the cookie-cutter music of almost every other "period" piece.

One guy I know of said it was one of the worst movies he's seen this year. I don't think it is, but it's still bad. Basically, two Vikings find themselves stranded in North America in 1007, there's a lot of beautiful scenery, little dialog, a soundtrack that borders of great (Judas Priest! Brian Eno! Popul Vuh! Queens of the Stone Age! Morbid Angel!) and bad (Prison era Burzum), we see one of the characters defaecate in graphic detail, and we get lot's of silence interrupted by Ambient music, particularly Burzum's "Tomhet" (one of his pre-prison works, so it actually works.)

I can see what the director was aiming for (kind of an "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" for Black Metal fans), but it's just so ponderous, dull and uneventful that it becomes a chore to sit through. There are several themes (particularly Pagan Religion vs. the rise of Christianity) that are touched upon, but left mostly unexplored. Plus, the whole thing lacks confidence-again, you get a feeling of what the director is aiming for, but the whole thing is just so boring.

On the plus side, at least it has a first in cinema: A Viking head banging while the music of Dimmu Borgir serves as a soundtrack. Plus, it's better than "Last Days."