The Machine Girl

If you only see ONE outrageously absurd and ridiculously over-the-top Asian splatter yarn this year - or even this lifetime, for that matter – you better make damn sure it's Noboru Iguchi's "The Machine Girl"! This stupendously demented piece of Japanese "Revengeploitaton" features king-size portions of all the regular and crowd-pleasing ingredients, like crazed stereotypical characters (Yakuzas, Ninjas, schoolgirls in uniform, …) and simplistic story lines, but it particularly specializes in extreme Magna-esquire gore and kitschy comedy. Beautiful and multi-talented schoolgirl Ami lives alone with her nerdy brother Yu since their parents committed suicide for falsely being accused of homicide. Ami protects her brother where she can, but she doesn't know he and his friend Takashi are the main targets of youthful bullies with prominent Yakuza-parents. The boys get killed, but nobody wants to help Ami because of her notorious family history and her sole attempts to get revenge literally cost the poor girl an arm. She finally gets help from Takashi's mourning parents, who also provide Ami with a machine-gun prosthesis. "Machine Girl" offers a wide selection of decapitations, dismemberment, close-up gunfire, stabbings, split-open skulls, chainsaw murders, fried limbs, slit throats, electrocutions, impalement and Samurai swashbuckling. Seen all of that before in other schlocky splatter fodder already? Well, yeah … but what about flying guillotines and drill bras? Most of the running time, the screen is literally colored red with gallons of fake blood and removed intestines, but the tone of the film continuously remains blackly comical and light-headed. The phenomenally berserk make-up effects, courtesy of Yoshihiro Nishimura, are often nauseating, but never truly offensive. "Machine Girl" definitely also stars a couple of ravishing and incredibly sexy Japanese actresses, like Ami, her partner in crime Miki and even the supremely bitchy Yakuza's wife. The battle sequences at the beginning and in the garage, as well as the entire final showdown of course, simply have to be seen to be believed. This outrageously grotesque movie is well-made, well-acted and directed and indescribably entertaining.

The acting is terrible, the action is terrible, the story is terrible, the special effects are terrible but the gore is magnificent and that saves the movie completely... This isn't a horror movie that wants to spook you but wants to disgusts you... and oh boy, it really does... I've seen it on BIFFF festival at Brussels and I can assure you everybody loved it... the more bloody disgusting the gore was, the more fun we had... it didn't matter that it looked all fake like hell... and if you were looking for some originality in this movie, you would certainly find it in the gore. :-) So one advice: buy some beer and chips, and see this movie not alone but with some friends... a fun evening assured

I have always thought of Japonesse comedy as being like Shakespeare comedy; funny to the people of the time and/or place but not to the rest of us. This is the first Asian film to not only make me laugh more than just a chuckle, but to make me cry with laughter and literally smack my knee. The reason that this is so good is because it seems as if writer director Noboru Iguchi took a step or two back too get a view of the Asian film market as a whole and even seems to have looked at it with a non-Asian eye to see how the rest of us see the market.

The deliberate over-the-top cheese and "happy family beginnings" were great fun, but its the wonderfully gory scenes that you'll remember. I don't want to go into too much detail so as to avoid spoiling the fun for those who haven't seen it, except to say that the scene with the main bad guy making his son drink his blood as a right of passage to the yakuzza is the main culprit for my man tears.

The only real problem of note is that the fun starts to dry a little as time goes on, the gore occurs less and less and the deliberate cheesy acting and dialogue almost gets tiresome (though it never actually is). It seems as if Iguchi used up all his best ideas too quickly in the first half and had to run with an empty tank for the last third.

Despite this its still always superb fun, and even though it is definitely gory, I recommend most people to see it, just cover your eyes if it gets too much at times!

I first thought that I was watching something from the grind-house era, then I noticed that this movie is only two months old. If this is where we are going, then get some waders folks, as the blood pours in this film. I'm talking blood spurting like a lawn sprinkler every time someone gets a body part cut off. Believe you me, there are plenty of body parts flying in this film.

If you like seeing a chef eat his fingers on a sushi roll, if you like seeing arms and legs and heads cut off, if you like blood all over, then you will love this film.

Yes our Rose had a machine gun leg in Planet Terror, but in this film, you get a machine gun arm, and a chainsaw leg and a chainsaw arm. But that isn't all. You get to see a drill bra that just shreds some luscious melons.

If you are a comic fan, then you will enjoy this as it is definitely over the top.

If you, like me, are fed up with movies that promise heaps of action, gore, and blistering violence but then wuss out in every possible way, allow me to direct you to THE MACHINE GIRL, a live action Japanese offering that is so balls-out crazy and over-the-top across the board that it brought an ear-to-ear smile to my face. I was intrigued by this film's trailer when I saw it several months ago, so when I stumbled across the movie itself while DVD shopping the other day I figured I'd take a chance on it, and, hoo-boy, am I glad I did. I've frequently decried the crappy quality of many recent action flicks from the Land of the Rising Sun, but this one gets a solid 10 out of 10 for its unfailing intent to give the bloodthirsty audience exactly what it wants. And then some! It's the goriest film I've seen in who knows how long, and as per what you'd expect from the Japanese it's barking mad in its over the top carnage and violence; no bullshit, I had exclaimed "Holy $#!+!" no less than three times before the movie was even five minutes into its running time.

A sterling example of the tried and true "you killed my brother" revenge genre, THE MACHINE GIRL takes the story of a high school girl named Ami (Minase Yashiro, in her film debut) who seeks retribution for her younger brother's murder at the hands of a pack of sadistic bullies and sends it clear into the stratosphere of mayhem-laden ass-whuppin' by rendering the sanguinary set pieces as impossibly and cartoonishly spewy as is possible to depict, all while maintaining a brisk pace that barely allows viewers time to catch their breath. The character development is minimal at best, and once the heroine's motivation is established, it's off to the races. To put it as simply as the film does, Ami tracks down the bullies and metes out justice accented with geysers of blood and entrails, losing her left arm in a one-two punch of a tempura deep-frying and a samurai sword dismemberment along the way, eventually replacing her missing limb with a fully functional assault helicopter's machine gun — complete with a seemingly endless supply of rounds — and, near the film's climax, a chain saw originally wielded by her garage mechanic ally.

And as if that isn't enough, the cowardly jerkwad who leads the bullies is revealed to not only be a spoiled Yakuza prince, but also the heir to a clan of ninja descended from the legendary Hattori Hanzo himself, so we also get modern day ninja action thrown into the mix for good, extra-stupid measure. It's an orgy of bloodshed, creative demises, loony superheroics, and a complete disconnect from reality in one of those worlds where the police simply do not exist until well after the participants in the mayhem have bled out, and I thoroughly enjoyed every frame of the damned thing.

As you've probably gathered, THE MACHINE GIRL is unrelentingly excessive, but the film is so crazy that it soon veers into outright parody of its own genre and is frequently hilarious because it's all played totally straight, with heaps of ass-kicking and violence committed by a cute schoolgirl in one of those now-fetishized school uniforms. And what's not to love about a film featuring the return of the favorite weapon of all us martial arts movie buffs: the venerable "flying guillotine?" And, yes, there's more than a bit of a debt owed to both PLANET TERROR (2007) and ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992), but I had more fun with this movie than both of those flicks combined (and I liked both of them to varying degrees). And just so we're absolutely clear on this, Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE (aka BRAIN DEAD, 1992) still gets my vote as the goriest film ever made — or that it's even possible to make — but THE MACHINE GIRL gives it a damned good shot at the title, and it's entertaining as hell. Take my word for it and put THE MACHINE GIRL at the top of your Netflix queue immediately!