Ligeia

"We will never have to pay that price. We can live forever."

I don't know why I watch movies like these. They're clearly going to be awful. All the reviews I read further reinforced the fact that it was going to be awful. But, I still felt compelled to see it, anyway. And yep, it was awful.

The problems were myriad. The scares and horror aspect of The Tomb were surpassed by most of The Goosebumps books I read as a kid. The story was silly and bland. The attempt to appeal to the audience with sex fell flat with scenes that would hardly earn a PG-13 rating and had no chemistry between the participants.

The absolute worst things about The Tomb, though were the acting and the script. The entire cast was uniformly wretched, especially Wes Bentley and Sofya Skya. Sofya is certainly a very beautiful woman, but she would be wise to reconsider this whole "actress" thing. And Bentley came close to achieving the feat of making me never want to see another movie that he's in, ever. As for the script, describing it as "amateur" would be an insult to everyone who has ever been an amateur at anything in the history of the world. The dialogue is abysmal, and I can't imagine that anyone spent more than a few hours writing this.

I don't know what kind of dire financial situations are responsible for Eric Roberts and Michael Madsen being in this dreck, but I'm willing to offer money out of my own pockets to help them never have to be in anything this terrible, again. The only possible entertainment to be gained from The Tomb is from making fun of it. It's hilariously bad, but still too boring for me to recommend even for a laugh with your friends.

I really wasn't even sure what I'd use as a summary line ... but it kinda makes sense I think. You're welcome and no offense (if you are easily offended that is). There are reasons why one should like this ... based on an Edgar Allen Poe story with quite the actors to boast ... Cary Tagawa, Eric Roberts, Michael Madsen ... even Wes Bentley of American Beauty fame ... though apparently he hasn't done much since then ... nothing much succesful that is.

But the movie really seems quite convoluted and weird in a bad way. This is low budget and the femme fatale (if you allow me to call her that) is quite enticing. So I guess one may be able to understand the troubles our main character is in ...not to mention the supernatural element in all of this. But while this probably isn't that long, it felt like an eternity watching it - no pun intended. It has a few redeeming factors (some mentioned above), but I doubt many will cut this some slack ...

I don't know what the heck that was, or why people need to rip off Edgar Allen Poe for ideas, other than he's in the Public Domain and won't ask for a royalty! The plot, which kind of echoes Poe, is that an English professor is enticed from his engagement to a singer to a sultry Goth babe from Russia, and is convinced to use his immense wealth to rebuy her Russian estate while she looks for ways to extend her mortality through magic and science. What we get is a confused mess of body swaps and the kings of Direct to DVD, Michael Madsen and Eric Roberts, playing largely unnecessary supporting characters.

Other than that, some parts of the film look quite good for a low-budget made in Eastern Europe mess...

There is nothing that will get a movie downgraded faster than false advertising. If you are going to get an "R", then make the movie an "R", not a PG-13. There was nothing in this film that you cannot see routinely on broadcast television. It was a huge disappointment when you have someone as gorgeous as Sofya Skya, and all you see is her back. Sheesh!

There was no one in this movie to cheer for. Yes, I know it's a Gothic tale, and it really made the grade there, but I expect a little more emotion from the actors. Go back and watch the early Gothic before special effects and see what actors did then.

It was painful to watch.

OK ... So it tried not to be a typical worthless neu-horror failure ... But it fell for all the usual things ... Drained colour flashbacks ... Naff unnecessary quick cut editing ( at times ) ... Acting that would make the local drama group blush ... And a storyline that could ( possibly ) have been interesting if it hadn't been written like a bad soft porn movie I have a feeling the budget on this was actually bigger than it looked ... Some of the settings were quite grand for a low budget film ... Unfortunately the director didn't know what to do with any of them How on earth do these awful directors and script writers get to make these films ... They are just a waste of time and money ... Everyone involved with the production I presume got paid ... Because that is the only thing this sort of junk does ... Pay workers As long as the financiers don't expect people to pay money to watch this dross ... THAT WOULD BE GOING TO FAR