One-Eyed Monster

One-Eyed Monster, the story of a blood-thirsty penis on the rampage. If you're reading this blurb of a review, you've most likely seen other flicks that are like One-Eyed Monster. You may have seen Teeth, Bad Biology or maybe even Killer Pussy, so you're probably pretty psyched to check out another flick with deranged genitals. And if you really enjoyed any of the above films, you should definitely give this film a look. If you didn't like them, there's no reason for you to watch this one. It's just more of the same goofy genital humor.

A blazing meteorite/beam of energy type thing crashed into Ron Jeremy as he was star-gazing at the night sky. Not long after, the new found home of the alien entity is now on the loose (it detached itself) and on the rampage. Throw in some forgettable characters and situations, and you got One-Eye Monster. It's basically just a slasher film with a killer penis on the loose.

There's not much to be really impressed with in this flick. The humor is okay, with maybe a few smiles or giggles throughout. Though, I do have to admit the jokes, although pretty weak, are delivered with charm and it's obvious all actors involved are pretty into the film. Well besides Mr. Napier. His character was either hit or miss. His long story, telling his bizarre memory of Vietnam was a total snooze. The black dude was like a bad soap opera star, and brought a forgettable serious role to the film. Actually whenever the movie tried to go serious, it fell flat. Almost everyone else played an OTT role and for the main part did an alright job.

A big gripe was the lack of nudity in this one. There was one scene of boobs, and I think that was it. If they had a scene where they showed a full naked Ron Jeremy, the house would have come down. Shame. They kept the nudity to one chick and the fake alien weiner. Also, the gore is very minimal. Remember in the trailer where the guy gets split in half? That, and a couple sprays of blood is all I can remember. That was disappointing as well.

I had high hopes for this new entry into the subgenre of genital horror, but I was let down once again. The jokes and silly acting was abundant so you may laugh a bit, but it's just an average to below-average comedy. And as a horror, as it is a hor/com, it doesn't do well there either. The gore was weak, the nudity disappointing and the situations bland and cliché.

If you're easily pleased, and all you need is the idea of a killer penis to make you happy, you should be golden. But if you have experience with these types of movies, this is just more of the same. Just so you know where I stand with the above flicks that I mentioned, I enjoyed Killer Pussy (great nudity) and Teeth (bizarre dark humor) about equal, with this next and Bad Biology (tried way too hard to be funny) last.

There are no words that can describe the boringness that is this film. When I saw the trailer, I expected a slapstick horror-movie that makes fun of both the cliché's in porn and horror-genres. Instead, this movie gets boring very quickly and for the most part is just people talking nonsense to each other with weird 'jokes' that never seem to go anywhere. I expected a little bit more entertainment from a movie about a penis that goes around killing people.

The gore is also pretty nonexistent which was a letdown for me. I thought that a movie like this would at least go all the way with the killings, but this movie is actually pretty tame except for perhaps the shots of people wrestling with a rubber dildo. Some of the conversations are okay and can be pretty funny if it wasn't delivered so utterly uninspired and boring. I know this is the third time I mentioned the word boring, but its really all you need to know about this movie. Its actually pretty amazing that the creators could make this movie boring with the plot that it has, but they did it.

If you are looking for a good nonsense horror-movie to watch with your buddies like I was, then don't stop here. This movie is mostly sleep- inducing and forgettable crap that doesn't deliver what you expect from it. Three stars go out to the cast and crew that did a decent job of working with the little they were given.

i have only seen this once before, the last time i saw, it was silly and fun.

Now seeing for second time, it feel a little tame the second times around, the jokes are still funny.

Which the over the top plot, i did notice there not much gore in this movie at all, i didn't not like the fact some of the deaths scenes were off screen.

did chuckle at one deaths scenes that was on screen and when that tailwager attacks the victims at first was funny, it got a bit boring as the movie went on.

I really enjoyed some references to other horror pass horror movies, which were fun to watch

The acting from whole cast was really good, as they made even more silly and fun to watch.

6 out of 10 for

Despite the surprisingly solid performances from all the cast, the script and story failed to deliver on a fresh and unique premise.

The film either had a genre identity crisis or was quite simply pushed on to celluloid before the script was properly polished. It's like watching a professional crew film a first draft script.

It ran the gamut between clever and stupid and often found its cruising speed on the ridiculous and mundane. A better knowledge of the initial setting would also have been helpful.

I was expecting / hoping for a solid dark comedy with horror undertones, but was painfully disappointed. So many obvious comedic dialogue opportunities were missed, plot holes big enough to drive a truck through, and story choices that defied common sense, left me with the impression of a family funded backyard film project, despite the professional production values.

I would recommend this film to aspiring screenwriters to see what their 1st draft scripts would look like on screen...

A hostile alien wreaks havoc on the cast and crew of an adult movie.

I think the plot of this film more or less explains why it is such a great horror comedy. Ron Jeremy is taken over by an alien, his penis detaches itself... and then it starts killing people. I guess you could screw this up, but they did not.

The film revolves around jokes -- dozens and dozens of jokes. You might think after two or three penis jokes it would get stale, but it never really does. Combined with a fair amount of gore and just a hint of sex, it keeps your attention and your laughter throughout. (For a film about a bunch of born stars, the nudity is very tame -- only one person is even partially naked, and then only for a minute.)

Oh, and Charles Napier. Wow. A serious actor, with plenty of solid credits behind him... and he appears in a film where he not only fights a penis, but delivers one of the greatest monologue ever spoken about aliens in Vietnam. Priceless. This speech alone is worth the view.