Ninja Cheerleaders

After somehow managing to sit through "Zombie Strippers" (thanks in no small part to the abundance of untethered breasts and jiggly backsides), I attempted to sit through "Ninja Cheerleaders" today, but just couldn't make it. Yes, I was surprised too. I mean, it had all the basic ingredients of a great film - the three lead girls were even community college cheerleaders by day and strippers and ninjas by night, but alas it was still totally unwatchable. Hmmm, perhaps if they had also been lesbian I might have at least made it to the middle of the movie, but I guess that sort of post-production armchair directing is like wishing more things had blown up in "Lost in Translation" and that there had been some hardcore sex in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I suppose no movie is ever perfect (as those last two examples clearly indicate).

Anyway, I hope my inability to sit through "NC" isn't a sign that I'm now exiting my "prepubescent fascination with anything female and jiggly regardless of how badly written, directed or acted" movie stage. It'd really be a shame since that stage has basically been my defining characteristic up till this point and I'm not sure I'd recognize myself without it. Maybe I should watch "Zombie Strippers" again just to check? ;)

I thought I should comment on this film, since it's really not as cute as it was probably meant to be. The film revolves around three girls who are determined to get into Brown College. To pay their tuition they strip at a local bar. The owner of the bar is a ninja master who lands into some heavy trouble and of course the ninja cheerleaders get involved.

The first thing that's off is just the title: Ninja Cheerleaders. It kind of sums it up. I got fooled by the ninja part. Almost everything in the film is tacky. Plot, writing, directing, lighting, fighting etc. A few of the older actors do deliver nicely, but they can't salvage this shipwreck of a film. The biggest disappointment is actually the poor quality of the fights, since I'm a huge fan of martial arts.

I'm thinking that the target audience for this film is young girls who need a strong role-model of a determined successful woman who doesn't need a man. Oh my god, did I really just write that? Another target group is probably teenage boys, who would be better off watching American pie, at least it has boobies in it.

P.S. I might ask the film makers what's up with the topless women between scene changes? Of very poor taste and utterly irrelevant...

Are there better B-movies on the market? Yeah, I think so.

The title did NOT lead me to expect a Showgirls movie budget. Should George Takei, Larry Poindexter, and Michael Pare have held out for better roles? Maybe, maybe not. I didn't buy this movie based on their names, or the names of the girls ( frankly, I'd never heard the girls names ), but they ARE pretty.

This is a B-movie, with B-movie values, and pretty girls with topless scenes ( not enough, but then there rarely are ). It kinda sorta had a plot, with few twists you really couldn't see coming.

It is a fun movie. It's not Showgirls; it wasn't meant to be.

This is the mother of all scams. The only intention for such title is to entice hot-bloodied males (or lesbians), bored to death citizens of the world, or free downloads in the Internet, where people couldn't care less about what download, so long as there are still enough space in the hard disk drive. But I digress.

Throw in 3 stunning females, teach them some nitty karate moves, give them sword. Put in a couple of dumb (and dumber) antagonist, and the Director has made himself a cocktail of disaster.

The acting was so unreal, it made kindergarten kids playing Shakespeare look like Oscar nominees.

The only consolation was that it enables to attract viewers without the need to fork out huge amount of money to advertise.

Verditct : Avoid if you value your brain cells .. and time .

I was drawn to the unsurpassable promise given by the title. I got what I expected, but also more. Ninja Cheerleaders is the best bad movie I ever saw, very funny if you don't take it serious and with some surprisingly good elements here and there.

You are not likely to mistake it for a Kubrick movie, nor will you ponder whether Jet Li could have done better fights. I have however seen a lot of allegedly A-movies which are much worse than this.

So if you like the title, don't miss the movie!

And no, they are not naked. They are only very pretty, very sparsely dressed and move quite nicely.