The Chosen One

Paul (Schneider) has lost his wife, is about to lose his job and tries to do himself in when he is visited by strange people from Colombia, South America who have anointed him as The Chosen One.

If One is going direct Oneself in a movie, One's name should be Clint Eastwood.

Schneider helped write, produce and direct himself in this barely watchable movie. One rule of radio is needed here: Let not DEAD AIR rule the airways. Here the acting was tentative by Schneider as though he was concentrating too much on watching himself direct and watching himself act all at the same time, and the result was too much hesitation when that wasn't called for. Yes, his character was going through some stuff, but the hesitations were like a football player consistently fumbling the ball. Doesn't look good. This is not the Rob Schneider I thought I would see. He needs to go back to Adam Sandler and beg for a job.

This is not a comedy, not a drama and is more of an outline of I don't know what in the sense: "let's see how this might go" , or "let's try this" and staying with those bonehead ideas. I saw where it could have been a comedy, but…………

The questions I had and Paul never asked in the beginning when he was told he was the Chosen One was: Why Me? followed up by: what do I have to do? And what am I supposed to do. Okay, he did ask why me? but didn't ask the other questions. No, we had to suffer through the movie to find out what he had to do to earn the title. Fair enough, but I still would have asked those other questions. Come on, tell me I am the Chosen One and you will hear the questions. Thought so. Am not, right? Thought so. Hmmmm..........

So later he climbs a tall building to put a hawk's nest back. But, when the hawk's nest was first removed, someone from the window above the nest quickly snatched up the nest. Why didn't Paul use that same window to put the nest back? Not much excitement in opening a window and plopping down the nest, is there? If a door or a way was blocked to do that, it should have been shown. It wasn't. He ended up climbing. Of course, we all wondered if he would fall.

John Schneider also helped produce this. I thought they may be brothers but cannot find that to be the case. But, that may not be the same John Schneider (Dukes of Hazard, Smallville) I am thinking of. Hey, I just learned there is another Christopher Lloyd (helps write for Modern Family TV show), and not the Back to the Future and Taxi guy. Hard to keep your eye on the ball these days. Reminds me of a story where almost everyone was named James Bond. Yes, they all said, "Bond, James Bond."

Violence: No. Sex: No. Nudity: No. Language: Not really, mild stuff and not much of it.

I always thought Rob Schneider was a good actor - even in smaller roles he always shines. But "The Chosen One" shows he's got dramatic range. It's funny but not a full blown comedy. I liked it. Schneider co-wrote and directed it. There are a lot of great supporting roles in it like Steve Buscemi as his brother. When have you ever seen Steve Buscemi in a project that wasn't good? Holland Taylor from "Two and a Half Men" plays their mother. There are a lot of familiar faces in it. In a crowded marketplace of lowbrow comedies this one stands out as classy and heartfelt. Check it out. I thought "The Chosen One" was better than "Grown Ups" and some of the other R-rated summer comedies.

I found the above description on this movie's board on IMDb, and it's better than anything I could come up with.

This is relevant because anyone expecting a typical Rob Schneider movie (The Hot Chick, Deuce Bigalow, Big Stan) will be very disappointed, or worse, depressed.

Rob Schneider plays Paul, a depressed alcoholic car salesman who tries to kill himself after being dumped by his lady. 3 shamen and a girl from Colombia find him, claiming he's the chosen one who will save their mountain. Paul then faces a series of situations at work and in life which help him make an important decision.

I certainly didn't expect a movie like this, as it is very bittersweet, and potentially a career-destroying move. But it has its heart in the right place, it feels honest, and I believe it must be commended for that.

Unfortunately, I can't say it's very good movie. "The Chosen One" looks cheap and feels very disjointed, with special effects that look like the ones found in Discovery Channel's documentaries from ten years ago. The pacing is weird, everything seems a little bit "off" and "direct-to-dvd".

The few comic moments are mostly black humor, and almost all of them are in Steve Buscemi's scenes. He's a top notch actor, and his superior quality clearly shows here when he elevates the whole movie to a whole new degree.

But I did like it, amazingly, and can certainly recommend it to people who need a little more light in their lives.

Just don't watch this thinking it's a comedy.

I was going into this experience prepared for another one of Schneider's comedies such as Male Gigolo. I was pleasantly surprised by how much this wasn't a typical Schneider movie. Although it wasn't a very good movie it had some moments of fine acting from Schneider.

The character he portrays is going through a crisis in which he has lost his wife to a yoga instructor. On top of that he isn't really enjoying his work anymore. So he tries to commit suicide, something his father tried as well but unlike Schneiders character actually accomplished. In the midst of what is going on in his life, four people from a south American tribe show up at his doorstep and tell him he's the one to save the world.

Judging by the outline of the plot it isn't really easy to tell what kind of movie it is. Especially when the movie is said to be a comedy. But for me it was a better than expected. The moments when Schneider's character was vulnerable were in my opinion his best work to date. I could have done without the small gestures of comedy though, for it would have been a much better film if it was taking itself a little more serious.

Now, the movie itself is quite weak. The story is a bit much and over the top. The comedy is for the most part shoved right in there without proper tact. The dialog is so hollow that it is used solely for the purpose of moving things along. Even the compositing with green screen material looked like it was done by an intern. But damn it if the monologues from Schneider didn't get to me. Those were delivered with such heart and compassion that it almost saves the movie for me. But in the end, that is all there was to praise the movie for. And although it isn't enough for me to actually buy this DVD, I will await the next Schneider movie hoping it to be made with the amount of heart Schneider's has proved he has and not just another vehicle to keep his name going.

The Chosen One is quite simply terrible. I'd try to dress it up a bit for you, but the bottom line is if you value your time even slightly, then don't watch it. I'm no movie snob, I don't think a movie has to be life changing to be good, but this movie was so bad that it actually made me angry. The script is all over the place, completely disjointed, and when it comes down to brass tacks, quite simply boring. I'm finding it difficult to gather the motivation to explain to you why it's so bad, because its wasted so much of my time already. Suffice to say, one hour into the movie I was begging for something to happen, I forgave it at this point because it didn't bare the formulaic hallmarks of what you'd expect from Schneider. An hour and a half into the movie and I was wishing that it was formulaic...any form would do. It just switches from weak comedy to pointless, tenuous emotional tragedy and neither of these gets enough time to do a complete job. I reckon Schneider was attempting to convince the world and his peers that he was capable of more than cheap laughs, and this was his attempt to showcase his acting ability, and thats exactly how it came across; as a showcase, with no adjoining theme. After watching it, I couldn't sleep because I was worried that other people would have to sit through this utter shambles of a movie if I didn't do something to warn them off, so consider this a free favour. Watch it if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you.