Pirates of Treasure Island

How could this movie even have gotten released? I rented it on DVD today and did heavy leaning on the fast forward to get thru the bad acting, bad costumes and simply a rotten story that didn't connect. I was actually hoping the big bugs of the island would gobble everyone up to make this a half hour show or less to at least end the filming crews' misery. This one can't and shouldn't even be placed on the shelf for rental or sale let alone claim to be a pirate movie, unless that was the intent behind it to pirate/steal money from the public. Definitely avoid this movie, but if ya like bugs you get to see a few and they're the best part of the movie.

Granted, this movie is so monumentally bad, that there isn't a negative review out there that is negative enough to be able to actually capture how horribly bad this movie really is. However, I'm going to make an observation and say that there must have been two conflicting parties involved in the making of this movie and they never really communicated at all during the entire film-making process. Either that or the editor hated both parties and decided to try and end everyone's careers all at once.

If you are in such a dire need to see a pirate movie because Pirates of the Caribbean is no longer doing it for you, and you find yourself desperate enough to rent probably the worst pirate movie ever made, by all means, rent this movie, but do yourself a favor and watch the version with the commentary with the director (who plays a small part in the movie and actually does a decent job at it) and some other guy. I think it was one of the PA's. I'm not quite sure. I just know the guy had like five small parts in the movie.

First of all, having no dialogue only makes the movie better. Trust me. The two guys talking on the commentary track are hilarious! This seriously could've been another episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The weird thing is that the movie you are seeing with the commentary is almost a completely different movie. It actually looks better then the actual movie! When I say 'better,' that term is relative. Whoever decided to cast the blond girl as the part of the pirate who had killed 17 men and was supposed to look like a boy, must have been doing some serious hallucinogens at the time because this girl was so bad, she was the epitome of the word 'suck.' She was honestly the worst thing about the whole movie. Even worse then the Tom Cruise wannabe costar who was also horribly bad. If they had cast the brunette with the curly hair and the French accent (who actually had some decent acting chops and was much more interesting to look at) to play the blond girl's part, the movie would have definitely been a little more salvageable.

I think it's obvious that this movie was intended to be a spoof on the pirate genre, only somewhere down the line, someone decided to make it a serious film, which was a really bad idea. The cinematography was excellent for the most part. The editing was horrible. The acting was also horrible, with exceptions of a few small performances. The story could have worked for a spoof movie, but definitely not as an action-drama. Finally, if you're looking to find a good performance out of Lance Henricksen, don't think for a second you're going to get one here. I seriously feel bad for the guy. You can almost see in his eyes how depressed he must have been after doing films such as Dog Day Afternoon and Aliens to subject himself to this kind of ungodly poop.

This is one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen, its not funny, plot is dumb, comparing to a pirates of the caribbean for example its really nothing. Well, I didn't like the music either, its annoying. Maybe I can say the story or the idea of the movie is not so bad by itself, but the realization is awful. The fights in the movie are done pretty naive, but there is one definitely good thing: it lasts 1 hour and 15 mins, so that is good, one cannot get bored so much, but that is too short for a movie, because the story is cut to a bunch of scenes which go one after another without cohesion, well thats my personal opinion. And it is not very violent after all, no way its a horror, far from that. Special effects are also done bad. I expected from a 2006 movie to have at least acceptable special effects if nothing else. All in all, it could definitely be a good movie for a 5 year old kid. But compared to other kids movies like spiderman, its not even close to them judging by the overall impression.

Ten lines minimum, eh. I'm not sure I can get ten lines worth of commentary on this one. The only thing that even makes sense as to how funding can be obtained for such a debacle is that it was intended to be a money losing project to bilk investors. (a la "The Producers" storyline) If that is indeed the intent (and it's probably painfully obvious to those in the know) then I have a suspicion that they may have succeeded. There oughta be a law.

Of course, "Lance Henriksen", on the box sucked me in but in the future I won't be so easily duped. In the "buyer (renter) beware" category, the simple fact that the The Asylum logo was on the box should have should have served as an, "I told ya so."

New rule: The Asylum = A nearly criminal waste of resources and time to create, view, and as I reflect, to even comment upon.

Never again.

To begin I cant really say I am the best person to judge a movie from all directions and then I mean by acting, script, directing and so forth, but I can say when I see a bad movie and this is 1 of them. There are some actors in this movie I have often seen in other movies and do adore, and regret not seeing them in good movies for some time now - so I keep on waiting and hoping that maybe some day those actors will. But I am sure I would have liked the movie when I was a kid so maybe there is still hope for this movie for some age group but for those that are older then 14 or around that age and know the movie culture at some level will see those many flaws is this flick. I did not see all the movie but those few minutes of it that I saw was worth nothing more then telling me I should not see it all.

I apologies for my English for there can be flaws in my spelling or that I put the words wrongly together :)

PS: "The Asylum" produced this movie as well as "The Da Vinci Treasure" and I know that movie was as well bad so for "The Asylum" I am hoping that they are starting from the bottom and moving up or they have no hope of making a movie that all viewers like.