Scary Movie 5

Scary Movie V (2013)

BOMB (out of 4)

Wow, an American comedy from 2013 that makes INAPPROPRIATE COMEDY seem a little funnier. I'm not even going to waste my time giving any sort of plot synapses because this thing is just so horridly bad that you can't help but wonder a few things. Apparently 60% of this movie was re-filmed by David Zucker because the original movie from Malcolm D. Lee just didn't work. Considering how awful this theatrical version is, one really has to wonder how much worse the original could have been. The big "draw" to this is that it spoofs other 2013 films like MAMA and it even spoofs EVIL DEAD, which was released a week earlier. The MAMA spoof takes up the majority of the running time and there are simply no funny moments. I sat there in the empty theater just shocked that anyone would want to admit that they were involved in this thing. The jokes were just downright funny with the majority of them being physical stuff but it simply wasn't funny. The EVIL DEAD stuff got a couple small laughs but certainly not enough to save the picture. Even worse is the BLACK SWAN stuff that just seems to be out-dated and, again, unfunny. Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex play the main couple but add zero. Katt Williams is really bland in his brief role and even Snoop Dogg and his pot jokes can't do anything. Oh yes, there's also the Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan stuff, which gets the film off to a very bad start. I guess Sheen just doesn't care what it does and Lohan has nothing better to do since she's now been in two horrid films in 2013. SCARY MOVIE V is without question one of the worst films I've ever sat through and trust me when I say I've watched some bad stuff. There were several times where I thought about walking out of the screening but I stuck in there to the end so that will show how dumb I was.

The era of spoof and parody is dead.

Let me start off by saying that I knew this film was going to be horrible from the start. I had read reviews and knew it was bad, but being so infatuated with film and theater, I actually wanted to see the movie to diagnose exactly what made it so horrible. (Insult me if you must, but I have a lot of free time on my hands and I love all kinds of movies.)

I'm not gonna lie, I went into the theater with the hope that on some slight chance, I would enjoy the film. Wrong. The movie was so boring and tasteless that I was actually distracted with my phone for some parts during the film, which is of the utmost rarity for me.

The horrible acting and line delivery dried this film out so much that I don't know where to begin. Ashley Tisdale was definitely not as good as Anna Faris was, and obviously, everyone will compare the two. I hate to admit it, but Mac Miller, Snoop Dogg, and Katt Williams all could have made audiences laugh with the material they were given, but were just too dry.

Admittedly, there were some very rare parts of the movie that had a somewhat witty humor to it, but it was only once or twice, and weak at that. The rest of the stupid slapstick humor was just so lame and dragging. Slapstick humor should stay within the PG level of humor for the kids.

On that note, the movie had overly crude, and just STUPID sexual humor that was just stupid and weak. Even hard R teenage sex comedies are more sophisticated than this. I laughed maybe one time, and it wasn't even a laugh. I kinda exhaled sharply while smiling.

Overall, there was almost no sophisticated or witty humor, horrid acting, and it was all just plain bad. So yes, the reviews are correct, it was horrible. The only reason I give it a 3 instead of a 1 was because hundreds and hundreds of people put months and months of work into an 85 minute piece of what they thought was art, and giving a movie a 1 or maybe a 2 is too disrespectful to the art that is film. (But then again, this movie is pretty disrespectful to the art that is film as well.)

It's fair to say that it is the worst of the series, it's let down by some really awful scenes, and some dire performances, but, it still has some of the old magic, and a few times I did find myself laughing. The scene between Sheen and Lohan was perhaps the worst thing I have ever seen, it was appalling, almost like an attempt to replicate the Pamela Anderson scene, but it was just terrible. The Black Swan scenes were lots of fun, and nicely produced, they felt at odds with lots of the film.

Is it the case that people's humour has changed since the early films, or were the jokes simply not funny? Personally I think it's the latter, in fairness though it isn't as if there were great horror movies to parody.

It's poor, but will still give the odd chuckle. 5/10

Take a group of bored actors with nothing in the works, mix in a large number of crew meandering around the Hollywood Hills looking for work, add a 120 pages of random meaningless dialogue (found in a discarded waste bucket next to a photocopier) finally stir it all up and hang around studio parking lots or known eateries of studio big wigs and financiers, ply them with drink and voilà you have this.

A complete waste of time, dull, predictable and as funny as the toothache that kept me up and out watching it (a wisdom tooth), in their defence we (and those behind them) know Sharknado, Megashark etc. are always going to be laughable, the only laughable part of this was how someone, somewhere managed to get it made.

For 1/100,000th of the cost of this the guys behind Birdemic could have bought a second mic that worked and a pair of decent headphones and almost, just almost not have been above this as the worst movie I have seen this year.

I will start off by saying I LOVE the Scary Movie franchise, especially scary movie 3. My girlfriend and I went to see it on the 12th, we were so excited because we both love the previous films. 5 to 10 minutes into it, neither of us were laughing, just straight face. I whispered over to her and told her this is really stupid, she agreed. None of other people that were sitting in the room laugh either. I can't believe we actually sat through the whole movie until the end, since we paid for it already. It had like 3 moments that made us chuckle a bit, but that was it. If I could demand my money back, I would. Little note for the producers- Instead of paying huge amounts of money to the celebrities, how about spend some in developing the story and jokes? I would say this movie *might* make little 10 years old children laugh, but that's about it.

It was so bad that I decided to make an IMDb account to criticize.