Boarding Gate

"Boarding Gate" is an initially verbose French crime drama that, for the first half at least, threatens to talk itself and us to a standstill. Luckily, at about the midway point, the pacing picks up considerably and it turns into a stylish, gripping thriller.

The film chronicles the stormy relationship between an unscrupulous businessman and the ex-mistress he routinely pimps out to his clients. However, it's only after she's lured into committing murder and forced to go on the lam to Hong Kong that the movie becomes an intriguing, multi-layered look at infidelity and betrayal.

Italian actress Asia Argento, who's a dead-ringer for Uma Thurman, commands the screen with her pouting eroticism and natural charisma, and she gets strong support from Michael Madsen and Carl Ng as the two main men in her life, as well as from Kelly Lin as a romantic rival who reluctantly helps Argento out in the end. The direction by Olivier Assayas - in the second half at least - is crisp, focused and exciting, and the visuals alone are enough to compensate for some of the gaping holes in the storyline.

One caveat, however: while technically a French movie, most of the dialogue is actually in English. However, there are times when the movie unaccountably lapses into un-subtitled French and Chinese, leaving the audience in the dark as to a few, possibly crucial, details in the story - proving yet again that a picture is not necessarily always worth a thousand words.

This film will not be to everyone's tastes. It is a tale of corporate intrigue and, frankly, even I was bored at time with the pace.

But, I have to remember that I was here for Asia Argento. Yes, she has a body to die for, and she is definitely on my top ten list of babes with guns. She gets caught up in corporate shenanigans between two lovers (Michael Madsen and Carl Ng). One is trying to unload his shares, and the other is trying to make a lot of money.

People die, there are some kinky sex scenes, and there is Asia doing an incredibly good job of trying to get through everything and stay alive.

You never really know whether she will make it, and you are not sure why she does what she does at the end. Love is stringer than hate? Maybe.

You just have to love that bod!

This movie is 100% dull, 100% pointless, and 100% a waste of time. It's only purpose is to allow Asia Argento to walking around half-nude for much of the film. Bravo for that. Otherwise, you have much better choices than this piece of crap. Try The Good Thief with Nick Nolte for a great caper/thriller.

A quick resumé: Almost nonexistent, badly chosen musical soundtrack, steady-cam filming done without the steady but with lots of coffee and a hyperactive cameraman, NO plot, and nothing ever really happens. The film goes from one dialog into another, sounding hollow, never achieving depth, never creating the illusion that you really are inside a cobweb of conspiracy, and the everybody-has-an-affair-with-everybody is just a boring excuse to show the main actress in nice underwear. (which, combined with her rusty voice certainly is nice, but nothing to base a movie on) The high point for me is the opening scene, and the film just degraded from there to a point where I just wanted to quit the film about 45 minutes into the story. I regret sitting it out.

If you're an average guy like me and enjoy good acting, good plot, good scripts, novel ideas, or being entertained, you might want to skip this one. I was honestly bored from the opening credits to the very end, but tried to give the film a chance, and watched it all the way through -- only to be disappointed at every turn.

The acting was unbelievably sub par, but I'm not sure if the actors themselves are to blame or if it was the ridiculously wooden and horrible dialog coupled with an even worse script. The plot is very vague and underdeveloped and I think the audience is supposed to derive some kind of deeper meaning from it, or be able to look past it in some way, but honestly to do so would be a waste of time.

The film has a kind of crude sexuality to it which doesn't serve any purpose other than to show off some tattoos and lingerie. No one seems to have any motivation except making money off of some kind of "investment" deal that is never really explained. The connections between the characters aren't terribly clear, and there is little to no character development.

This is either some kind of sub-culture film meant for a very specific audience to enjoy or absolute crap, but you can decide for yourselves.

I gave it a 2 because it is definitely one of the worst films I've ever seen, but probably not THE worst.