Suburban Sasquatch

Film was made by high schoolers as a class project. F minus. Seriously, was this movie made as a real movie or is someone still snickering about how people really thought this was a real movie?

Yikes! So this is a scary movie, just not in the good horror movie kind of way, it's just scary bad. I never particularly enjoy the ones that are this incompetent and cheap and amateurish on most every level you can think of, it's the kind of bad where you have to turn your brain off just to get any real enjoyment, and that has its place with B-movies that are actually fun and entertaining, but this movie is just rotten and it harmed me physically, I got headache! Except for making you laugh once or twice maybe, it doesn't have any good qualities. I must have caught like five sentences while watching it because the way the lines are delivered my brain just went nope, you ain't watching that! I'd already checked out mentally before it even got to the ten minute dialogue scenes because frankly the acting is the least of this movie's problems. The movie would have been better without the reporter character because he was the worst, they were all poor actors but he was a sack of potatoes in front of the camera and whenever he was on screen the movie went from a one to a negative-one, he was an energy sapper. It should have just focused on the Native American chick fighting the ridiculous motorcycle-roaring sasquatch. The sasquatch just looked so bad and cheap like a dime store Halloween costume that has too much chest showing lol. Power Rangers monsters were more impressive. It was also the writing, the mixing of horrible practical effects with even worse cgi, apparently this movie couldn't even afford to use a real net, and it was always doing that thing where someone would go outside and it would be nighttime when it had clearly just been daytime, in the scenes where you'll get people's limbs flying all over the place, in the next scene they'd be attached, just sloppy and mostly very boring to me.. In closing this is not a so bad it's good movie, not really, the genuinely fun ones aren't usually such endurance tests to sit all the way through. I'm all for cheesy horror but I'd rather drop an anvil on my foot then watch all that again. Thank you Suburban Sasquatch, my soul hurts. 🎃

Personal note: When I was a kid, there was a local teenager who made his own movies. He would invite the neighborhood kids over to his house, put a bed sheet on the wall, load up the projector, and... his latest horror "masterpiece" would work its magic. Mostly, it was kids from the same street, running around, falling, pretending to be dead, etc. There was also a lot of ketchup utilized.

Fast forward to 2004, and SUBURBAN SASQUATCH is unleashed. It uses the very same aforementioned filming techniques, only now it's adults running around instead of children. Horrendous CGI "effects" have replaced most of the ketchup, especially for the fire hose-like, blood spraying shots.

There are no production values per se, as this isn't really a production of any sort. Just wait until you see the "cops"! Don't even get me started on the whole "native American" angle! As for Sasquatch / Footy himself, well, let's just say that it was half off day at the used costume shop!

Oh my goodness!

Shot on what appears to have been a cell phone, it still managed to cost over $10,000.00 to make! Someone must have eaten an awful lot of pizza!

Now, in spite of everything stated, make no mistake, this "movie" is extremely entertaining. So, gather your friends, amass the appropriate intoxicants, and be prepared to howl until your lungs burn...

Don't believe the ratings!!!!!!!!!! An amazing take on the legendary BIGFOOT mythology. This is an absolute superb motion picture and a astonishing work of art. It really takes a great look on Mother Nature's method of retaliating against the invasive tendencies of suburban expansion and its toll on the natural environment. This is all I will say as I do not want to spoil this monumental experience. I highly recommend contacting local theatres to view this masterpiece in ULTRA AVX 3D.

One of the greatest nights I've had in a while was watching this with some friends on Zoom. So hang up some tarp, put on an Arby's uniform and give this a watch. You'll have some good laughs.