Homo Erectus

Twenty years ago, "National Lampoon" meant the movie was FUNNY; now it's a warning. Be afraid. Be very afraid. "Homo Erectus" is another utterly stupid and unfunny movie from a director KNOWN for stupid unfunny movies.

I didn't laugh once, almost fell asleep, and even Five hundred scenes of naked breasts couldn't even keep me awake. Seriously, there are so many scenes in this movie that were insultingly bad. I kept wanting to yell at the screen!!!!

Basicvally, "Homo Erectus" is nothing more than a limp ripoff of the 1981 comedy "Caveman". Every attempt at humor -- EVERY scene, EVERY "comic" moment -- falls flatter than Ally McBeal's tits. Don't waste your time.

Dawn of Sex, another Poundland purchase (when will I learn?), features blonde Hollywood hottie Ali Larter in sexy cave-woman attire, as well as numerous other babes wearing very little at all—and yet it still proves to be an excruciatingly dull watch thanks to writer/director Adam Rifkin's dreadful laugh-free script, his dire central performance, lousy direction, and woeful special effects. Well done, Rifkin: you've managed make a film loaded with hot women a virtually joyless experience!

Rifkin plays the film's luckless prehistoric 'hero', philosophical forward-thinking caveman Ishbo, who has about as much luck with the women as he does with his crappy inventions: Ishbo is in love with his life-long friend Fardart (Larter), but she is attracted to his much more athletic brother Thudnik (Hayes MacArthur). In one extremely ill-conceived moment, Ishbo accepts defeat and attempts to 'club' (ie., assault and rape) another woman, but winds up killing her instead. Finally, he gets drunk and shags a chimpanzee. And we, the viewers, are supposed to find all of this hilarious and feel empathy towards this pathetic loser!?!

The 'comedy' goes from bad to worse when Fardart is abducted by rival tribe, the Binadraks, and Ishbo embarks on a rescue mission. In a scene obviously written by Rifkin just so that he can frolic with several semi-naked, silicon-enhanced bimbos, Ishbo encounters a tribe of beautiful Amazonians who want him to impregnate them. After having his genitals washed by several of the sexy women, Ishbo is about to get started with the tribe's leader Queen Fallopia (Carol Alt) when his conscience kicks in and he flees to find the love of his life. He should have stayed and lived the life of a stud, however, for when Ishbo finally tries to free Fardart, she refuses to leave, preferring the company of the macho Binadraks. Well done Rifkin: you've succeeded in turning the lovely Larter into a despicable bitch.

Dawn of Sex also features embarrassingly bad performances from once-respectable actors David Carradine, Gary Busey, and Talia Shire, all of whom should have turned the project down and immediately fired their agents, plus an unsurprisingly bad turn from thoroughly unrespectable ex-porn legend Ron Jeremy, who probably isn't as ashamed of this mess as most people would be.

The story is set in prehistoric times. It is the story of a glasses wearing coward nerd of a caveman who is despised by his clan. He is in love with a pretty cavewoman but she only has eyes for his brute of a brother. The movie is clearly a low budget one. It is not an intelligent movie. It is funny at times. Most jokes are basic but efficient, maybe a bit too scattologic at times. There are some phantasmagoric scenes with sexy half naked cave-women. I did not find the movie boring. It was neither too short nor too long. The violence is not that high. Sexual content makes it maybe not appropriate for a child younger than 9 y.o.

This movie is a disaster of epic proportions. It's hard to think of one redeeming quality.

The worst part was watching habitual perjurer Whitney Enriquez. Ron Jeremy's acting was like Sir Laurence Olivier compared to Enriquez, who acted more like a meth addict, carpet surfing for crumbs in the carpet.

Ally Carters performance was about the best thing to happen to this film.

One of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. For some reason I tried to watch it twice, to see if maybe I was missing something, but it only got worse. Rifkin is a horrible actor and his 'jokes' are consistently puerile. Possibly of interest to horny, bored pubescent boys home sick for the day. Any good review this pile of trash receives obviously comes from someone involved with it. Any attempt to associate this with Woody Allen or even Mel Brooks is asinine!! How did this ever get made?? Obviously Busey, Carradine and Arnold were desperate for the cash.

I think this is the maddest I've ever been at wasting my time on a movie. Not even bad-good enough to rate as a cult classic! The shame is there's obviously talented, truly creative people out there who can't get a break because someone's throwing money at crap like this.