Hood of Horror

Hood of Horror is a gangsta horror anthology (gangthology?) comprising of three ghetto-flavoured tales, loosely tied together by an animated wraparound story. Whilst the stylish cartoon section is confusing and ultimately forgettable stuff, the bulk of the film is far more successful, being well written (much of it by 2001 Maniac's Tim Sullivan), very gory (albeit in a strictly tongue in cheek style), and confidently directed by Stacy Title.

Hip-hop legend Snoop Dogg 'MC's the whole shebizzle (as he might say), introducing each story in his inimitable OG style, and what fun they are: first up is 'Crossed Out', which sees graffiti artist Posie (Daniella Alonso) being given the power to kill her enemies simply by crossing out their 'tags'; tale number two is 'The Scumlord', which stars Anson Mount as a racist, sexist Texan loudmouth who is set to inherit a tenement in the ghetto, but on one condition—that he spends a year in the building with the current occupants, his father's army buddies, the all black Fighting 88; the last story is 'Rapsody Askew' which follows ambitious rap artist Sod (Pooch Hall) as he does whatever it takes to achieve fame and fortune.

A lot of people seem to dislike this film, calling it cheap and amateurish, but I had a great time with it even though I'm not a massive fan of the hip-hop scene: there are several familiar faces in the cast (Danny Trejo, Ernie Hudson and Lin Shaye) who lend proceedings a certain air of class. the splatter is very enthusiastic, the women are bootylicious, and I'm almost certain that the tunes are phat.

This film contains three interwoven tales from the hood, with Snoop Dogg (sometimes as an animated gangster and sometimes as a man in hell) narrating between segments. I use interwoven in the loosest sense because they really seem to have connection at all. I will discuss each one briefly.

The first segment was about a woman named Posey who is granted satanic powers by a homeless man (Danny Trejo) and can kill rival gang members by simply crossing out their spray tags. It's really stupid. The plot is weak, Posey's acting is awful. Even Trejo and Billy Dee Williams cannot save this one. There is a great death scene involving a beer bottle, but that doesn't make up for the rest of this segment.

The second segment was actually really good. A redneck and his girlfriend move into a home for retired veterans, with one of them, Roscoe, being played by Ernie Hudson. Hudson is great, as is the rich redneck. The deaths here are weaker (other than the explosion scene) but the plot is much better -- this was written as a real story and not just a throw-away idea. In fact, it could have been its own movie or at least an episode of "Masters of Horror". If you only watch this part, you might find the movie watchable.

The third part was just foolish. Because these are tales from the hood, of course they took the stereotype route and one man escapes the hood by rapping. But he becomes haunted by his friends that he left behind to die. Some of the makeup here is pretty disgusting, which I mean in a nice way, but the overall story is just an excuse to show a guy in the studio rapping. If you already have Snoop Dogg in your cast list ,you don't need to add another man rapping.

I suppose the problem of the film as a whole is that it was written and directed by different people in different segments. Compare this to "Creepshow", which is a lot more consistent. The best part -- part two -- was written by Tim Sullivan, the man behind "2001 Maniacs". It shows. I may not have been the biggest fan of that film, but Sullivan knows how to tell a story that horror fans appreciate (and he has some weird obsession with Confederate sympathizers). The other writers? I have no idea who they are.

Other reviewers have called this film the "Hood of Horrible", and I want to jump on that bandwagon. It wasn't well made, it was poorly written for the most part, and although even some of the worst films can still be enjoyable, this one just wasn't. The odds of me seeing this a second time are pretty slim. If you get the chance to see it the first time, pass up on it and watch James Franco's "The Ape" instead.

Almost all the jokes can be seen as problematic these days. The "gore" was comical at best but annoying at worst... which was most of the time. The soundtrack was almost exclusively Snoop. The special effects look like something out of Birdemic. But hey, it's a Snoop horror movie. No durr it's gonna be this self-awareness circlejerk.

Now, I don't want to say this is the worst movie ever, but it's pretty bad. If it weren't for a couple redeeming qualities, this movie would be at the very bottom of the barrel.

First of all, if the production value weren't so good, it wouldn't have even received the one showing it did. The production value is top notch. If it didn't involve Snoop Dogg, Danny Trejo, Jason Alexander, and a handful of other cool B-stars, then this movie wouldn't even be heard of. But it does. There is also one death that I didn't see coming. The others are terribly executed, no pun intended.

The opening sequence, while cool looking, is ages too long. Snoop is his usual double g self. "Keepin it real," as it were. Some of the acting is down right laughable, namely Posie. And at times the director chooses to use clichéd camera tricks for seemingly no reason, other than to disorient you in a scareless horror flick.

Intentional laughs, none. Scares, none. Smile worthy cheesy moments, a couple.

Was it worth paying to see in the theatres? No. Is is worth paying for to rent? No. But is it worth getting your favorite style of intoxicated and watching it with a group of friends? Almost.

This incredibly pathetic spin on "Tales from the Crypt" features three vignettes portraying horrific tales involving life in the ghetto. True, there are some neat death scenes - namely the one incorporating caviar - but they hardly make up for the poorly constructed plot. Is this truly how low Snoop Dogg sinks on the silver screen? The first segment features a young woman dealing with gangs by X-ing out their graffiti...and it gets TRULY nasty. The second segment features a redneck and his hubby moving in with some men formerly under his father's command and REALLY getting on their nerves. Finally, a rap star gets more than he bargained for.

What I mean by Jean-Paul Sartre is the third segment. What happens reminds me of Sartre's play "No Exit", about some people trapped in an existential Hell. Of course, I don't think that the people behind this movie intended for it to look like that. To be certain, there's absolutely nothing even remotely intellectual in this movie.

All in all, I advise avoiding "Hood of Horror". It's barely one step above terrible. Posie (Daniella Alonso) and Tiffany (Brande Roderick) were kinda hot, though. Also starring Ernie Hudson (Winston in "Ghostbusters"), Danny Trejo (you've probably seen him in Robert Rodriguez's movies) and Lin Shaye (the sunburned neighbor in "There's Something About Mary", and later the retiring flight attendant in "Snakes on a Plane").