Hack!

Some things, despite being good, should never have happened: N. W. A. Caused the creative hip-hop of the 80s to be buried underneath hordes of unpleasant gangsta rappers; Disney-Pixar's magical films have replaced the charm of hand-drawn animation with sterile CGI; postmodern horror classic Scream launched a thousand dull horror films that thought they were clever. Which brings me to Hack!, a film that very much follows Scream's template, with a touch of (underdeveloped) reality TV satire. Seven students and their teacher come to an island for a biology project; soon, of course, they are being hacked apart. Hack! Tries to freshen up its slasher clichés by introducing a snuff twist, but it adds nothing to the film other than some annoying shots through an old-fashioned, wind-up camera, while the way the film tempers its classical horror references (The Birds, Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) with more modern phenomena (Saw, cult TV series Desperate Housewives, reality show Survivor) feels like a desperate bid to be hip.

Technically, this film is a mess. Shots slip randomly in and out of focus: some are a few seconds long, some scenes continue long after their apparent end; continuity seems to have been deliberately disregarded, the music seems to be totally unrelated to what is happening on the film; in one scene, it is so clear stock footage is being used that you feel a bit embarrassed.

The script fares no better: moronic characters spout film references with such unsubtlety that every gentle nod is a headbutt, every playful nudge an elbow in the ribs. The acting is appallingly inane (other than the always-lovely Danica McKellar's turn as Emily) and plot holes gape at you at every moment: characters act with no motivation, every boy and girl couple up despite having nothing in common. In spite of all its flaws, however, there is something likable about Hack!. I can't for the life of me place what it is, but it's there. This is a film, bless it, that really tries hard, but it ultimately fails. It fails because it wallows in its own stupidity while trying to be all clever-clever with the audience, it fails because it believes that pointing out that it is full of clichés prevents the clichés from being boring, and it fails because its constant self-referentiality soon becomes a drag. People, it's been eleven years since Scream; surely it's time for a new horror bandwagon?

In the end, while I would sincerely like to declare this film a cult classic, I cannot possibly score it in the upper half of scores - so it gets a 4, the highest score a bad film can get.

This movie delivers a decent amount of gore, but will not scare you. It's more of a comical horror movie than anything else. Sometimes in horror movies I like to make fun of certain parts of the movie that look cheesy and corny. This movie simply does it for you. Several references to classic horror movies and spoof about these movies. Pay attention and catch ALL of the references they make to the horror industry. It's a fun movie to watch if you don't mind a little blood and gore. Gabrielle Richens gets topless in three different scenes, who is just stunningly hot. Danica McKellar (Winnie from The Wonder Years) is also quite attractive as a "book worm" role and her other role as well in the movie. Definitely recommend it if you like comedy horror movies.

This movie is, above all else, confused. It tries to talk you into believing that it's a tribute to classic campy slasher films, it dazzles you with good production design, cinematography and some fairly decent actors, but ultimately it turns to tired slapstick and surrealism without purpose, all courtesy of the only horrifying aspect of this movie; the script! Maybe it isn't a tribute, maybe it's meant as satire or some kind of black comedy? I can't tell! Even if that's the case, it's not funny because the jokes are mostly based around how unfunny horror movies are, and this is clearly one of those unfunny horror movies. Violence is plentiful and graphic, like the genre prescribes, but it is only there as a reference to other films or for purely gratuitous purposes, so in effect it's either unoriginal or holding up the story. The characters are consistently written in a way that at best, makes you not care about them at all and at worst, quietly hoping that they are next in line for swift death. If a bunch of college kids had made this movie and put it on the Internet, it would have been sort of an impressive effort. As a "real" Hollywood movie, it's depressing and begs the question; Who the hell would green-light a script like this? My advice: pick any one of the 20+ classic horror movies that this movie references and watch that again, odds are good that you'll have a better time!

It seems like the writer is a big fan of horror movies with the countless references to many horror classics. I don't think that the actors are the problem of this film, but more so the dialogue. Some of the actors are actually really good, but not in this film, a lot of the dialogue just makes them sound stupid. The writing is really horrible in this. There is no investment in the characters, you don't really care about any of them.

It seems to me that this film is trying to be a homage to horror films, but instead looks like film saying "Hey, look at me, I like horror films." This isn't just a bad horror movie, it's a bad attempt at a horror movie.

Hack! is a story of 7 High School kids who are invited to an island as part of their biological studies but end up getting killed, one by one. This is a deliberately clichéd film with its tongue planted firmly in cheek, a fun take on horror movies, in particular slashers, torture porn and even J-Horror. The students, who are played by actors in their 30's, are as stereotypical as you get - the jock, the sultry slut, rock chick, geeky need, gay Asian guy, the token black guy and the handsome hero. The acting is decent and the cast includes horror legend Kane Hodder and Burt Young, though only in minor roles. The film has plenty of effective gore and a high enough body count, to ensure things never get boring. Aside from a period of bad sound and obvious day for night scenes the production is pretty good. I picked up my copy on DVD and as a horror fan I enjoyed this, genre movies being name checked throughout, including characters with surnames King, Argento and Shelley. Not as silly as the Scary Movie series but still very much a comedy, the sort of film that goes well with a few alcoholic beverages.