Candy Stripers

When the Candy Stripers in a small town Hospital are taken over by voracious aliens, they become killing machines hell bent on breeding... playboy playmates Deanna Brooks and Serria Tawan star in this campy-horror feature.

Injured in an out-of-town college basketball game Matt and his team-mates end up in the local hospital. He suffers a broken leg and is placed in traction making him unable to move. Really weird things are happening... the sweet young Candy Stripers are seducing all the men in the hospital, then wrapping them in a hideous web-like substance. Matt realizes he and his friends must escape but after the hospital is put under quarantine they're trapped! Heading for the basement they find a terrifying scene... an alien makeshift maternity ward! Yet another small DTV release desperately seeking attention. Candy Stripers is a borderline film as far as entertainment is concerned, it really is leaning on the edge waiting to be shoved into the zone of regret. The fact that it was a combination of playmates and aliens in a film, the temptation and curiosity was too much for me to pass up. Especially with the voluptuous DVD cover art that the movie possesses.

So to explain this movie, you just need to follow a fairly laid out pattern. Sex scene, sex scene, gore scene, sex scene, gore scene, gore scene, almost a sex scene... wait yes, we get a sex scene, more gore etc. Really, that's pretty much it. Not really a bad thing but it's also not favoring the movie as far as the premise is concerned. As the movie started, I told my wife "It'll probably have a sex scene every five minutes." Lo' and behold... it was like that.

There are some fairly decent gore moments in the film, not surprising but pulled off quite successfully and does not have an over-abundance of poor CGI effects. There is some CG imagery, even though it's not great it's still tolerable especially when comparing to a lot of the other recent direct-to-video horror flicks. It passes the effects test just barely, a fun watch for the gore indeed.

The thing that holds Candy Stripers down is its plot and actors. Neither are worth the time of the day. The plot is tiring, overdone and has no substance. The opening scene is actually one of the worst scenes in the movie and is NOT a good first impression for the viewer, keep watching though... it gradually gets better but loses steam near the end. The two actors in the scene seemed to just be reading their lines and not showing any "real" emotion what-so-ever. Also the fact that they were driving a car that didn't look like it was moving and when it was moving it made them look like they never even passed their driving test.

A good one-time viewing but only for gore fans. If you're looking for anything more than unnecessary sex scenes and gore/violence, you're not going to enjoy this much at all.

If "Decoys" was "Species" for horny teenagers, then "Candy Stripers" is "Decoys" for... Heck, I don't know. All I know is, I was kind of deeply disappointed with this one. The only thing it delivers, is some naked boobies from some extremely delicious babes, and some girl/girl kissing (which could be described as 'not your average kinda tongue-action'). Things that the movie fails to deliver: Good acting, tension, surprise-twists, great effects, good cinematography, and above all... a plot! Oh well, I've seen worse. Might be fun if you're in a very undemanding mood (in which I was when I saw it, so I don't regret the watch).

Firstly, let us state that we were promised strong, if not gratuitous, sex scenes. We were sorely disappointed. We got mediocre breasticle action - if that - from women who should, by definition, be professional hookers.

Secondly, we call attention to the anomaly of the blonde cheerleader's unusually erect nipples - particularly watch out for those babies in the second half of the film...They practically wink at you from her green halter-neck.

Thirdly, what is Naomi Campbell doing trying to act?

A fourth point is that the orange blood used in many killings isn't fooling anyone.

Finally, this movie is built on the flimsy premise that hospital staff go around snogging patients on their death beds simply because they ask for a kiss. Had they been able to control their urges, this movie would never have come to fruition - and we'd all be better for it.

P.S. Tell the fat matron to find another day job!

Candy Stripers is just plain horrible, and not in a scary way, even by B-movie or Z-movie standards. In case you were curious, the title refers to the female hospital volunteers in the US that wore white uniforms with red stripes. With a title like that, you would expect some stripping and nudity, there's not much of it here on display except a couple of quick breast shots, nothing really past the half-way point. It feels and plays like a cheap TV show with an extremely low budget, kind of a B-movie Goosebumps for teens. It takes place mostly in a hospital slowly being "overrun" by sexually aggressive women possessed by slugs. I actually make it sound better than it is.

The writing is lame, the dialogue is cliché, and it doesn't even have those wonderfully corny one-liners you usually get in that type of movie. The acting is laughable and doesn't even reach TV soap quality, which would have been nice here actually. Worse, you have 2 of the main guys, supposedly teenagers, that are balding. The special effects are pathetic, and not even funny pathetic, just cheap-looking and bad (especially the distortion CGI effect when the "creatures" die). The suspense and enjoyment are non-existent, and the movie felt twice as long as it actually is. And this is from someone who usually enjoys those kind of movies as long as there's some cleverness, enthusiasm and talent behind it. This review is already too long for such a piece of manure. Don't get suckered by the cover art. Don't expect good titillation, gore or fun. Don't pay for it, don't even watch it for free. If you already did, then you now understand what I meant. You want something good in the same vein, rent Lesbian Vampire Killers instead.

To start off with i'm not a huge fan of these types of horror movies so it didn't have a huge appeal from the start. It was however a decent movie to watch if you like these body invading types of movies. I do feel that they could have figured out a better way to make the "alien" moves from body to body. I'm assuming they were trying to go as disgusting as possible. Some of the scenes in the film didn't make a whole lot of sense. You have to basically overlook the huge gaps in the storyline if you want to enjoy it. If of course your interested in watching a movie containing 90% "hot" women bearing their breasts then this is the movie for you, it does not lack in that department. I however am not one to look for that in a film so it held no appeal for me in that regard, so I had to stick with the sketchy storyline. Overall it was worth watching if your a hard core horror movie watcher, but certainly not a top pick when you have a selection of horror movies to choose from.