Zombie Nation

I honestly want the last 30 minuets of my life back.

The only person that is fit to watch this movie is Helen Keller I kept saying to myself this has to get better this has to get better.

Then the zombies finally showed up and they had some raccoon paint on there eyes.

They talked like regular people.

One drove a car.

Some voodoo woman asked what one of the "Zombies" wanted and the " zombie" said ( I want to Dance)

( THAT WAS IT) Out came the movie I couldn't take it any longer Can I sue for a ½ hour of my life?????

Wow. I went to the video store tonight because I was in the mood for a bad B Horror movie and I found this Gem. I looked at the cover and I thought it looked like just the movie for my mood. I brought it home and put it on.

This movie was not the B Horror movie that I had in mind. This was MUCH worse. I wanted a bad movie but what I got, I didn't know that crap like this existed amongst man. This movie seemed like a 5 year old wrote and directed it and that is being nice about it.

I am an aspiring director and this movie made me so mad that someone out there is actually paying this guy to direct movies. He needs to work at a garbage dump shoveling crap where he belongs.

If you are thinking about renting this or buying it. I will tell you the same thing that I would tell someone getting ready to commit suicide. "DON'T DO IT, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" I really have nothing nice to say about this movie. DON'T DO IT!

In order to make an Ulli Lommel Special, you will need the following ingredients:

• 10-15 "actors" picked randomly from a variety of high school and community college drama programs (preferably ones dismissed for utter lack of talent)

• 1 part German wooden lead to stumble through English dialogue

• 1 abandoned warehouse to house all sets (police station with blatantly exposed sewage pipes clearly indicating it is shot in boiler room, apartment that looks like Ikea show room, furniture store whose door remains open all times of day despite lack of presence of staff or security team)

• 1/4 gallon of white paint (will not be enough to paint walls within camera range in said warehouse)

• 1 part crew man's accidental and blatant reflection in mirror

• 1 part stolen soundtrack song from THE EXORCIST (to be repeatedly used)

• Multiple parts flashback of fat bald man getting spanked

• 1 part clone of Parker Posey

• 1 part random FIGHT CLUB-ish scene where two men fist fight and fall into strategically placed cardboard boxes while friends and family shout encouragement, only never to be mentioned again

• 2 cameras; one digital that shoots in good quality, one amateur home video camera that is glaring opposite to other camera

• 1/4 teaspoon of black make-up (apply generously; black make-up under eyes will encompass ALL zombie make-up)

• 3 parts lighting equipment to be blatantly captured in shot in every police station scene

• 1 part terribly out of place, unnoticed, non-utilized gong, placed in very fake police station

• 0 parts script supervisor

• 1 part audacity to use MARATHON MAN homage (in nonsensical way)

• 1 part random businessman that waits out in middle of woods to make business deals via cell phone, only to become fodder for zombie girls (who then steal car)

• 1 part mechanic who takes out penis behind door as zombie girls approach

• 1 part fake bloody penis

• 1 part hope that you won't realize Uli didn't bother to write out the hero who disappears halfway through the movie due to real-life hospital visit

• 0 parts logic

• 6 parts zombie girls to wear said black make-up under eyes up with no other make-up effects to be seen (except for continuity-be-damned close ups in mirrors)

• Multiple parts suspension of disbelief (cop takes offending woman to warehouse, partner waits outside, cop comes back out sans woman but with giant body-sized duffel bag, partner is not suspicious)

• 1 part completely ludicrous ending

Take all said ingredients and throw haphazardly against wall. Hope it sticks. Take generous portion, swallow with grimace as Ulli Lommel rips money from your pockets, laughs maniacally.

Horrible acting, Bad story line, cheesy makeup, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I have never seen a worse movie in my life, 5 minutes in I decided to fast forward to see if anything redeeming would happen... It didn't. (Aside from a nice breast shot) The movie apparently was filmed in some furniture warehouse, and the same warehouse was used for at least 90% of the sets. You even see this same red chair in several different "locations" If you are going to make a film at least rent an office building and an apartment, not some warehouse which will echo all your actor's dialog.. (Note to producers) Renting a small office space and an apartment for a month is much cheaper than an entire warehouse, and both are quite a bit more versatile and believable) If you spend your money to rent this people I hope you got it with a return guarantee... You will be demanding your money back... I only spent $2.99 to rent this tonight and I feel ripped off.

I have made it my personal mission to go after those responsible for this film. I even got the rental company to give me my money back because I argued that they perpetrated false advertising.

It's not enough that the movie itself is a p.o.s., but the cover art is what sold me. I've done better make-up effects on my children at Halloween than what the movie actually depicts versus the cover art. Can you say "raccoon eyes?"

I'm not going to waste more of my time by going into the full details, but come on, the movie's main character is an L.A. cop who was born and raised in Alabama - but has a German accent!?! It's beyond insulting.