Bienvenue au cottage

British horror movies have always had a unique sense of humour, with "Severance" being a good recent example of savvy brit film-makers throwing laughs and gore together to great effect. This carries on that tradition, and in Reece Shearsmith they're blessed with an actor whose comic chops are well up to scratch. Andy Serkis is no slouch either, playing the straight man brilliantly as a mobster who's hard as nails but a little fuzzy on the inside.

The laughs are pretty reliable, and as the situation goes from bad to worse a lot of those laughs come from the (severe) misfortune of the poor souls on screen, and the blend of splatter and slapstick is well tuned. Jennifer Ellison does grate after a while, her constant use of swearing amusing at times but often a little irritating. Still, she has a fantastic body on her and that ball shrivellingly tough accent to fall back on, so her presence isn't entirely unwelcome. As a comedy it works extremely well, and as a gore movie there's some inventively wince-inducing moments, and with the balance just right "The Cottage" is well worth a visit.

"The Cottage" is really two movies.

One part is a fairly generic but slightly amusing crime-story involving the kidnapping of a voluptuous, foul-mouthed blonde by two brothers. One is a seasoned criminal, while the other is an amateur at best, thus, situational comedy ensues. They take shelter in an abandoned cottage where their hostage gives them a run for their money – literally – and swears up a storm. While this half of the film wants to belong in the same company as "Shaun Of The Dead," it can't, because it's not clever enough and is far too saturated in clichés. Despite some strong performances, the characters are merely stereotypes. It's not the fault of the actors that their characters aren't convincing, though, because in reality, they were written and possibly intended as cardboard cut-outs, meant to service the second half.

Despite a rocky set-up, we get to the second part, a gut-bustingly fun homage to slasher films that would make the likes of Peter Jackson and Sam Raimi proud. When our criminals and guest cross paths with a deformed neighbor, madness ensues. Why no film has been brilliant enough to give its villain a shovel as weapon of choice is beyond me, as the red stuff is spilled in ways that are both shocking and hilarious. Truly, this is where the meat of the flick is. Despite the lack of depth in both story and characters, "The Cottage" does manage to serve up a nice, enjoyable dish of slasher casserole that pays tribute to its influences with some truly inventive slicing and dicing. To be honest, the film would be far more effective if it had played this hand early on, instead of setting up a routine, by-the-numbers premise, but in the end, it'll win you over by its unique "anything-goes" approach to somewhat tired material. It's hardly reinventing the wheel, and is not a flick everyone in the room will appreciate, but as a way to kill 90 minutes, you could do much worse.

i guess i should call it a sarcastic horror-comedy show with "vintage" elements. it actually starts as a kidnapping thriller and ends up as a "traditional" horror. only the last 30 minutes could be considered as "horror".

a few things must be said. the pace of the movie is slow and sometimes very slow. but if you keep that in mind and you are in mood for some "dark" comedy you might as well enjoy it as i did.compared to "Shaun of the Dead" is not as funny but a bit more scarier. something to watch out of boredom and it might entertain you in that case( like when you busy with something else and need a background distraction that WILL get at least a few "gigs" out of you). overall i was not disappointed.this feature is missing a defined plot and i am not sure what that "point" would have been here( or could have), other then some really funny sarcastic jokes and some gore.

the main actor to watch here is Andy Serkis as one of the 2 brothers and the mastermind before the kidnapping.he does some great acting when everything goes wrong and it is quiet funny to watch him deal with his naturally idiotic brother( which at one point even personalizes Hitler, literally, but the character does not seem to be aware of that). there are also a few other characters but they not contribute much to the plot except for the "bad" one. the soundtrack is actually excellent in creating those horror "vintage" moods.

I first saw this in 2008 on a dvd which I own. Revisited it recently. This film is a genre mashup like From Dusk till Dawn. Its starts like a comedy n then after 45 mins changes into a gory horror film. Apart from being inspired by TCM, it has also borrowed elements from Hatchet which came one year before this film. The best part about this film is the gore. It has a nasty scene similar to the one from Antropophagus.

Director Paul Andrew Williams wanted to "write a film that cost no money and was all set in one place". And the first sixty or so minutes stuck to this agenda pretty well; Two brothers kidnap the daughter (Jennifer Ellison) of a wealthy man, he sends out two crazy Chinese guys to kill them, nerdy brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) looses the all important mobile phone and older hard-man brother David (Andy Serkis) swears a lot, all in the confines of a deserted cottage. The dialogue is just about snappy enough to keep this interesting. Not much to be said for the camera work – but it does kinda add to the atmosphere. And then they end up in another cottage and the blood bath begins.

It's pretty obvious why they cast Ellison: she has big bouncy boobs and her harsh liverpoodlian accent is juxtaposed perfectly with her blonde hair and Barbie doll face. No one really cares that her script rarely ventures beyond words too rude to publish here – the camera generally focuses on her chest/backside with the occasional headbut thrown in. Shame really; I was hoping she'd amaze us all with her diverse acting talent, but I guess it's a case of you can take the girl out of Brookside but you won't get an amazing actress out of a soap star.

Serkis in undeniably the star of this film. The perfect gangster with a heart, his sincerity and charm kept me watching throughout. I'm not entirely sure why he chose to do The Cottage – perhaps, like me, he was hoping this would be one of those rare things; a funny independent British comedy. But unfortunately it just felt like Williams had taken The Chain Sore Massacre and Hot Fuzz, cut out the best bits, stuck the leftovers in a blender and then forgot to cook it properly.

By all means go see this if you like blood, guts and rolling heads, just don't expect any intellect in the script.