Bienvenue au cottage

Comment declaration: I am a genuine viewer with no intention of distorting the IMDb ratings to make people go and watch it (yes...the PR corruption of this website annoys me). Anyway...

For some reason I fell for the hype and thought this would be something different. I went along to the Kino on my own and had a big bowl of popcorn ready for the best of British.

The film started very predictably and there was nothing new standing out. No interesting camera work, script or imagination.

I like Serkis and Ellison and I reckon they both did an OK job. I liked the way Ellison didn't give a hoot how she looked on camera. Flab, bad skin and cellulite...it was all there. Good to see she is a pro about the acting and not just glossy. Her character was mean and moody and made me smile. But it was all predictable physical comedy that relied a lot on the "C" word. Not a nice word to use a lot.

I was aware it was going to be a kidnap followed by a killer but I couldn't work out the twist...and then I found out there just wasn't one. It was just plain and predictable with some very dull gore scenes. There is nothing new at all worth mentioning here. No imagination or attempt to break the cliché. As for the ending...well I really didn't see the point. Very flat and I was glad I could go.

I would like to say I was left with more questions than answers but it was just such a non-event that I really didn't give it a seconds thought.

How will I remember this film? Serkiss looked very mean. Ellison was nastily funny and had a great bod in the back of the car. Very odd second half that didn't really go anywhere.

Very very disappointing. Rating 5/10 (because the head butting scene made me smile).

The horror-comedy film has to be one of the most difficult types to get right, and more often than not the efforts of those who attempt it are mediocre to say the least. Shaun of the Dead and The Evil Dead movies work pretty well, but other than these two (and maybe the first Tremors) the genre is littered with failures. The Cottage, while not an out and out failure, does struggle in its attempt to mix laughs with gore but, despite this, it does manage to be reasonably entertaining.

In a rare leading role Andy Serkis plays a down-on-his-luck villain who has talked his finicky brother (League of Gentlemen's Reece Shearsmith) into helping him kidnap the foul-mouthed daughter (Jennifer Ellison) of a lap-club owner in an attempt to earn enough to buy himself a boat and sail away to a better life. The trouble is that the daughter, Tracey, is more feisty than both the brothers and their hapless accomplice, Tracey's step-brother Andrew (Steven O'Donnell) put together and soon has the tables turned.

The film switches from a crime comedy to a gory horror when the various characters gradually converge on a remote farmhouse inhabited by a faceless farmer (reminiscent of TCSM's Leatherface) who sets about killing them in a variety of inventive ways.

The film never really sets out to scare the viewer with sudden noises or jump cuts, but it does wallow in various different forms of mutilation and amputation. It's heavily influenced by – and references – a number of classic horror films while managing to keep its own identity but, as others have pointed out, it is wildly uneven with the fate of one character and the back-story of the deranged farmer insufficiently explained. Other minus points are Serkis' largely monotone delivery of his lines and a huge amount of profanity. I've been known to utter the odd swear word myself every hour or so, but the guys in this film seem unable to string a sentence together without inserting at least a couple of the choicest swear words.

The best way to sum up this film is 'interesting...!' The violence, blood and gore is fantastic. If you want to see people decapitated and hacked to bits and want to laugh at the same time, this recent British horror comedy is definitely for you. The main characters are fun, likable and witty, Andy Serkis is fantastic, the dialogue is hilarious and the film is just entertaining from start to finish.

However, the storyline is quite simply all over the place. It's an incoherent mess to be exact! The film just twists and turns in different directions raising a number of questions, which it then leaves unanswered. Characters and subplots are introduced and then forgotten about. However, I'm guessing most people would not want to see this for the plot so if you just want some mindless, gory fun, go and see this.

When David (Andy Serkis) and his clumsy brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap the daughter of a powerful gangster, they bring Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) to a cottage in the countryside in the trunk of their car. Peter calls Tracey's father and asks a ransom of one hundred thousand pound to be delivered to her step-brother Andrew (Steve O'Donnell). When the bag is delivered to the moron Andrew, he does not check the content and is followed to the remote location by two Chinese hit-men hired by Tracey's father. When the abductors discover that the bag has only paper, David drives to a nearby village to make a phone call to demand the money. When he returns, he finds Andrew fainted and later that Tracey had reverted the situation and escaped with his brother as hostage. Meanwhile an insane and deformed farmer has just killed the killers and Tracey and Peter are heading to his farmer seeking a phone to call her father.

I had a great expectation with "The Cottage" but I found it disappointing. The black-humor never works except in the two very last scenes (in the end of the credits there is a last one). The characters Peter and Andrew are stupid and annoying and the psychopath serial-killer is a rip-off of Leatherface. In the end I found this movie only reasonable and my vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Cabana Macabra" ("Macabre Cottage")

Two brothers, David & Peter, kidnap Tracey, the daughter of local tough guy gangster Arnie, they hold her to ransom for the sum of £100,000. What they hadn't bargained into the equation is that Tracey is one tough feisty lady, and that a turn of events will lead them to something far more scary than big bad gangster Arnie.

This is the second feature from director Paul Andrew Williams, and bearing in mind that his debut effort was the highly lauded gritty drama London To Brighton, it's no surprise to find that some folk are a little bemused as to the genre splicing nature of The Cottage. The Cottage is far more in keeping with Christopher Smith's 2006 horror comedy, Severance, and certainly it wouldn't be out of place as a double bill with that criminally undervalued picture.

Very much a film of two halves, this picture is likely to prove a very divisive piece, and it will (has) only find an audience based on word of mouth alone. You will be hard pressed to find any sort of press marketing that will prepare you for the type of genre fusion film you are getting. Already, based on the comments written on this site thus far, you can see that some people were confused (or annoyed) by the tonal shift for the second half of the film. The first half sees poles apart brothers, David & Peter, swapping comedy dialogue as they whisk through a number of exchanges and circumstances with the marvellously volatile Tracey. While the second part of the picture hits you over the head with a quick switch to horror formula that has catering fulfilment for the gore junkies amongst us.

And this is where the problem lies with many, why didn't the film stay as a kidnap farce? Why didn't it set its stall out to be a horror film from the off? There is no denying that the films' high points come with the horror moments, but the film is first and foremost a comedy, from the first reel to the cheeky end of credits sequence it is what it is. As deliciously sick as the gore shift is, The Cottage never once takes its tongue out of its bloody cheek. It's obvious that Paul Andrew Williams is having fun here, and he is clearly hoping his audience will as well. View it as an all encompassing comedy/horror/thriller in that order and you wont go far wrong.

Andy Serkis plays David, the tough brother of the two, with Serkis doing a wonderful line in both visual and vocal comedy. This benefits Reece Shearsmith as Peter, a character so far under the thumb he can barely be seen. Shearsmith feeds off of Serkis to seal the comedy deal for this odd brotherly couple. British tabloid fave Jennifer Ellison plays Tracey, literally swearing for England to have the audience divided as to if they want her to survive or not! But it's a gutsy show from her and one hopes she ventures into this territory a bit more often. There is nothing new or fresh here, and this wont win any awards; even in its homeland of England, but it is FUN and it shows a director intent on making films from different genres. 8/10