Roman noir: Chasse au trésor

7/10 - just what you'd expect from a Samantha Kinsey flick

Y'know, TV has become such a wasteland that amazingly, I find myself actually trying these various Hallmark MFTV things, whether it's Aurora Teagarden (RIP) or one of the others. Anythign that won't lecture me, tell me "how" to think, what's rightthink, what's socially "wrongthink" and all that dreck and drivel.

I tried a few of these the other night (it's now like 13-15 years since these were made) and geeze, they are kinda AWFUL. They are rivalling my older fave cozies for vapidity, sadly.

The premise here is that this itty-bitty girl of 20-something, maybe early 30-something, inherits this roomy, NEVER has customers bookstore, that obviously earns the earth, and has working for her this former CIA/Intelligence Analyst (played by Clarence Williams III of Mod Squad fame). It's laughable off the cuff, but the writing is just...excruciatingly bad. EAch time, somebody gets murdered (of course!) and this wee Jessica Fletcher is off to solve the case and naturally, DOES. Like, through osmosis, because she seems to have no training, no education, no actual KNOWLEDGE about anything at all, to her own devices.

Invariably, I can point at the screen and say "he dun it," within, no kidding, 10 minutes of the open. The deductions that yon lady amateur detective leaps to are...it's hard to do them justice in this review. Just...bad. The woefully underpaid/volunteer Intelligence guy that always "knows a guy" that can get them stuff that the local fuzz can't get is bad. It's just ALL BAD.

Worse, something hilarious actually happened on this episode--the thing opens, I hear music that I recognize but can't place. I didn't finish it that night--I'm not that masochistic--and when I wrap it up two-three nights later, they play it again. I'm like "d*mmit, what is that?" and the following morning (on the throne, the appropriate spot for thinking about THIS show, mind you) I realize--it's from The Untouchables. YES, the one with Connery, Costner, et al. It's hard to imagine two more opposite efforts, both dealing with crime and murder, than those two. The sheer PRESUMPTION of anyone mooching that amazing music, for this dreck? Shame on you, music dude.

So...I get why desperation might drive you to try this, but be warned. It's just...like watching the old Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland, "hey, kids, let's put on a show" things. It's THAT BAD.

Why do I watch Mystery Woman? I don't know, except that I love mysteries no matter how bad, and I am a fan of Kellie Martin as an actress and as a person. This series was beneath her, not particularly well written, well directed, or well acted. That about sums it up.

The story begins with some soldiers in wartime, probably Vietnam, finding a treasure at a destroyed Buddhist temple.

We then cut to the present day. The bookstore is having plumbing problems which are being remedied by Tyler Dell, from a local company. A man named Jim Carter shows up and while he's there, a rare book goes missing, and Samantha calls the police. But the book isn't anywhere.

Jim Carter confides in Samantha that he is in town to connect with his daughter, but he's murdered later on. He's left Samantha a note for his daughter and a box with clues inside -- but what they lead to is uncertain. And why leave it to Samantha? The reverend who runs the homeless shelter has a few answers as Samantha and her assistant Philby, who seems to have once been a government agent with big connections, try to solve the mystery of the murder and the box.

The culprit is evident in the first fifteen minutes. To show how sloppily written these shows are, one character is using an assumed name. Talking about him in the past, he's called by his real name except during a flashback where, for some reason, he is called by his assumed name. Sloppy.

Mystery Woman is low-key to the point of sleepwalking, with Clarence Williams III phoning it in and Kellie Martin doing the best she can. The police investigator is unpleasantly aggressive, and I can't decide if he's overacting or just comes off that way because everyone around him is so underplayed. Bad direction, anyone? The sad thing is, if I spot another one I haven't seen, I'll watch it. I'm a sucker for mysteries, even if it's Mystery Woman.

This is the first "Mystery Woman" movie I have watched. The editing and dialogue of this movie is HORRIBLE.

"I need to ask you a few questions" "Sure" "Do you know Jim?" "Yes" "Do you know anything about him?" "No" "Anything else you can tell me?" "No" "Thanks" "Sure"

There are no gaps, pauses, or room to take a breath in the dialogue. It was obvious this is on purpose. In a two person exchange, one person is responding to an asked question before the camera edit can show the response.

Not a bad movie for a TV mystery but the editing is distracting.

The Mystery Bookshop is having some remodeling done courtesy of David Lascher and is crew and he's an old friend from childhood of Kellie Martin. But things seem to keep getting fouled up, but Kellie is indulgent blaming a lot of it on the loss of his father recently.

A stranger played by John Ratzenberger comes to town and after visiting Martin and Clarence Williams, III at the bookshop goes to a church that helps out alcoholics as their ministry. Ratzenberger is murdered and once again Martin and Williams are up against their irascible town police chief Casey Sander in solving it.

It all goes back to Vietnam and something these guys brought back from Cambodia. A most wealthy thing that they've elaborately hidden. Martin and Williams are reduced to following a lot of clues the late Mr. Ratzenberger laid down.

Not the best of the series, still has its moments.