The Graveyard

Well I took the time to see it... Wish I didn't. The image quality is good, picture is clear and well shot even if a bit static. It does have a decent start but the plot suddenly turns into a movie we all seen hundreds of times, over and over. Acting ain't great either, well kind of tending to bad at some points. The script is... old and old and let me think... old... events are predictable and the story-line has glitches that would NEVER ever happen in a real-life situation. My final opinion is a big no no to this movie. If you want to see a good Thriller/Horror movie there are tons better out there at the moment like "Fragile" or "The Omen 666".

The only thing going for this movie is picture quality. There is no shock or horror when the people are killed, only why. And the why, is not worth the wait. The plot is boring, the acting even more so. Sub-plots that are made to drive the viewer away from guessing the killer go absolutely nowhere. The clues that are given turn out to be nothing, the killings are overly gruesome without a reason. And when the killer is divulged, i was as confused as anything. Look, if the people making this movie would be kind enough to explain to me how a person can be in 2 places at once and the point of the cop in this movie, i would be very thankful! Akin to the name, this movie should stay in the graveyard and all will be better off not watching it!

I guess if you spent your life watching every slasher flick ever made, you might be bored by another one. However, if you have only seen a dozen or two horror flick, this one is really not bad.

It had plenty of suspense and creepiness. Sure, I guessed who the killer was within 10 minutes, but that didn't spoil it for me. Seeing who, if any, would escape was worth waiting for - and confirming my guess, too.

The best part was, of course, Eva Derrek. I am so looking forward to seeing her in Werewolf in a Women's Prison, which is supposed to be out this month on video. Let's just say that there really isn't much of her left to be seen, but it will be a great reunion.

Lindsay Ballew (Mr. Woodcock) was great in the lead, as was Patrick Scott Lewis (Zodiac). The Sheriff (Sam Bologna) was a real hoot.

Sure, there are plot holes big enough to drive a mack truck through, but hey, this is a slasher flick, not an Academy Award contender. Relax and enjoy.

The friends Jack (Leif Lillehaugen), Allie (Trish Coren), Sarah (Erin Lokitz), Charlie (Chris Stewart), Michelle (Lindsay Ballew) and Eric (Mark Salling) go to the Placid Pines Cemetery to play hide and seek in the tombs. Meanwhile their friend Bobby (Patrick Scott Lewis) dresses like a masked killer to play a prank with Eric. However, the scared Eric runs trying to escape and stumbles, dying impaled over sharp bars. Bobby takes the blame alone for the deadly accident and spends five year in prison. When he goes to his parole hearing, Michelle testifies and he gets his probation. Michelle drives with Bobby to a camp nearby the graveyard where the tragedy happened to reunite their friends and resolve their issues. They are welcomed by the gentle grounds-keeper and cook Peter Bishop (Markus Potter). Along the next hours, Jack's girlfriend Veronica (Eva Derrek) is killed by a mysterious masked killer; then Sarah's former girlfriend Zoey (Natalie Denise Sperl) is also murdered. When the group realizes what is happening, they find that they are trapped in the spot.

"The Graveyard" is another weak and predictable ripoff of "Friday 13th". The story has a promising beginning, but unfortunately the silly screenplay is badly developed and the characters are absolutely inconsistent and some of them annoying. Jack, for example, is a stupid imbecile; Allie and Veronica are sluts; Michelle is amazing, seeing all her friends dead but still having love to give to Peter Bishop in the most inappropriate romantic moment; Charlie is a freak, as defined by his friends (why did they invite him?); the lesbian Zoey appears just to be killed; the redneck Sheriff is shamefully ridiculous. Further, how could Bobby be blamed alone in a collective sick joke? Is the name of the cemetery "Placid Pines Cemetery" (as written in the front gate) or "Pleasant Pines Graveyard" (as called by Jack?). The conclusion of this slash movie is awful. My vote is four.

Title (Brazil): "O Cemitério - O Mal Não Descansa" ("The Cemetery - Evil does not Rest")

What do you do with a dopey "film" like "The Graveyard?" Bury it. Bury it deep where no one will ever see it. Yes, it's that bad.

The plot: A bunch of stupid teenagers wandering off alone into dark places at a camp, saying "did you hear that?" and then wandering off ALONE to investigate, having boring sex while they wait to be killed off by some goon in a jumpsuit suit and a bad mask. The goon in the jumpsuit is supposed to be scary but he's actually unintentionally comical. Yes, there is a topless girl having sex and another topless girl taking a shower but you know what's going to happen to them because you've seen it all before in hundreds of other films.

This "film" is so bad it makes Friday the 13th seem like Citizen Kane in comparison. This film is so derivative if you look up "derivative" in the dictionary you will see a definition for this piece of tripe.

These characters act so stupidly you want them to be killed off. Save yourself the time and money and don't waste your time on this dead turkey.

My rating: Total Turkey