Unseen Evil 2

After opening with some mandatory female toplessness, UNSEEN EVIL 2 begins.

Three nameless characters (aka: monster fodder) are investigating a cave, when they immediately discover a massive treasure. This isn't difficult, since it's sitting right out in the open. Obviously, there are monsters about, and the anonymous trio is quickly reduced to red, icky goo.

Next, a group of belligerent paramilitary types, with a collective IQ of about 8, are sent to investigate the cave. Haphazard plotting and unforgivable non-action ensue. The dialogue appears to have been written on the fly, by semi-sentient mildew, and certainly, the roles could have been played with equal believability, by a team of home-cleaning robots.

The only thing worse than the humans in this movie is the "monster" itself. This is due to the "special" effects, that can only be described, in technical terms, as digital dung. The shameful CGI is far inferior to that used in first generation DOOM computer animation. Making matters even worse, the "practical" effects amount to a giant, rubber homunculus that blubbers around while killing Priscilla Barnes! This is followed by the blatant burning of a toy building, standing in for some actual structure.

This sewer raft co-stars Phoebe Dollar, who always seems to gravitate toward these wretched roles. Sometimes she's good. Here, well...

Avoid this movie at all costs. It is so bad that there should be a warning on the label.

It looks like they tried to cash in on the "Alien" franchise. The monster on the cover looks a bit like Ridley Scott's 'Alien'. This is where any similarity ends.

The dialog is laughable. The special effects are so poorly done that I couldn't believe it. In one part, one soldier gets his head chopped in half. It looked so fake that I had to play it in slow motion. The dummy head: 1.) looked like a uneven melon with a face drawn on (which I suspect it was); and 2.) didn't even have the same hair colour as the actor! I know that these movies are strapped for cash, but come on. They did try to do some CGI with the Alien but it you pay attention you can see that they use the same footage a few times throughout the movie(like when the alien gets shot) and it is almost sad to watch.

The editing was so bad that it was actually difficult to understand what was happening. And the 'Special Feature' was almost impossible to watch because you couldn't even understand what the alien was saying most of the time.

I really don't expect very much from these B movies (I watch enough of them). Usually I get a kick out of these types of movies; as most of them try to entertain. But Alien 3000 really was unwatchable and unenlightening. Save your money.

One of the worst films I have or ever WILL view. Highlight was the nice topless scene in the first 2 minutes, then all downhill from there. Previous reviews are correct. They use model helicopters that I could probably photograph and make look more real than the movie did...OMG, I was laughing, it was so funny. But it's supposed to be a "scary" movie and here I am splitting a gut over the cheap props....explosions that my kids can simulate easily. The entire storyline is an utter insult to one's intelligence. For example, we're supposed to believe that Lorenzo and his military buddy JUMP FROM THAT TOY HELICOPTER WITHOUT PARACHUTES AND THEY BOTH WALK AWAY? Are you kidding me?

Some of the special effects remind me of the late 60's early 70's cartoon series, "The Thunderbirds," where puppet like characters and buildings were supposed to look "real" but there is no way they were actually real. The only thing that kept me watching to the end was to see how much worse it could possibly get...and trust me, it did. From concept to plot to storyline to acting to special effects, this has got to be in the running for all-time bomb of all time. Heck, if they had used a bomb as big as this movie against that alien, he would have died on the first hit. This screenplay unfolds A LOT like my own first attempt to write an original creative story...oh, did I mention that it was a 6th grade project? DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, BAD MOVIE APPROACHING! DANGER! DANGER!

I too, had the "mis-fortune" of seeing this movie before the street date. If this movie cost more than $25,000 to make, the producers of this movie need to get receipts for everything, because none of it went into the special effects. I shouldn't even use the word special effects at all because there definitely wasn't anything special about them. I don't think I would even label this a "B" movie. Try C, D, or F+. Take the military helicopter, for instance. It's a remote-controlled model. It looks as real as a dog's chew toy that resembles a hamburger.

And what type of blackmail did they use to get Lorenzo Lamas. I know he works the "B" movie circuit but this is a new low. How low can you go? "Alien 3000" low.

This is definitely not worth seeing if you are paying. Now if a friend gets it and you enjoy bad movies then watch away. You will find yourself laughing most of the way through. There is plenty to laugh at: stereotypical characters, bad sets, bad acting, bad effects (or lack thereof). I think my rating of 2 out of 10 is probably a bit high.

Before I begin my review of this film, I'd like to point out some interesting tidbits about the film. Firstly, the cool monster shown on the box art is from the film "Breeders". Secondly, this creature doesn't even appear in film. Third, according to IMDb this film is a sequel to "Unseen Evil", which I have not seen (though based on what I saw here I'm not sure I want to anyways), but I rented this under the title "Alien 3000", a title which has no relevance to the film.

Anyways, this masterpiece has a bunch of foul-mouthed and stupid "soldiers" from the "Paranormal government research agency" (good to see our tax dollars hard at work) going into a remote mountain range to look for missing soldiers. What they find instead is a blood-thirsty creature capable of turning invisible (I didn't sense any "Predator" vibes while watching this one, no sir!), which begins killing them off one by one. If you're looking for a B movie with cringe-inducing dialog, horrid production values and deliciously awful special effects, you've rented—or, Lord have mercy on you're soul, bought—the right movie. Everything about the film is cheap and laughable. The special effects, as one would imagine, are the funniest aspect of this film. The alien creature is brought to life by a combination of hideously bad CGI and a slightly less awful man-in-a-suit, either way it looks stupid and cheesy. The miniatures are among the worst in motion picture history. The toy helicopter, the remote controlled Ford F-150 pick-up (substituting for a Jeep pick-up in non-effects scenes--I love how the makers even left in real-sized shrubbery just to make it look worse), and the explosion of the "Paranormal research" headquarters were all so pitiful that I was laughing until tears blurred my vision. The gore effects were unimpressive but abundant, and as another viewer mentioned, the splitting-in-two of a character's head was especially bad.

I'll give the film credit where credit is due—the lead actress, Megan Molloy, Was very good, and deserves better roles than this. Everything else is bad--but entertainingly so. Highly recommended for fans of crappy movies.

1/10.