Double riposte

Steven Seagal does it again. Another daft and dull… well for most part straight-to-DVD action vehicle with him whispering his lines, providing intellectual discussions (about dreams and their meanings; "I had an awful dream.") and whooping some ass… well maybe not so as the director does a really good job hiding Seagal's face during many of the fight sequences. Quick combat we get a good look, but the extended scenes not so. Thanks stunt-man. Quick and flashy editing helps, which has Seagal always walking away from an encounter with his back facing the camera. Seagal is a thief (a Robin Hood of sorts) who decides to go straight, but a job he takes on as an armour guard truck driver turns out to be a set-up. He finds himself spending time in prison, but he happens to be the only one who knows where the stolen 20 million dollars was hidden. The criminals who set him up want their money, but Seagal wants revenge when he breaks out (in a rather unconvincing manner) with a hommie. "Today You Die" actually started off promising (with an explosively barnstorming car chase sequence), but when it hit's the prison yard and from then onwards it rapidly becomes uninterestingly old-hat with its heavy-handed plot devices (betrayal, corruption), try-hard attitude and flimsy characters. Well at least it provides hilarity. Just listen to the lame dialogues. "He's evil. Something beyond this earth." Throw in one wannabe gangsta known as Ice Kool (Anthony "Treach" Criss), talking all tough and the jovial banter between the two is embarrassingly bad. Watching Seagal going around handing out his own sort of punishment simply was mind-numbing… since Seagal is invincible. Not even a scratch. Must be that politeness and muddled intentions. Good for a laugh, but not much else.

"You want to dance with the devil. Lets dance."

Steven Seagal is back! Here with his third film released this year. Of course as a one time fan who has become increasingly disgruntled I can say it comes as no surprise that this is pretty lame. Firstly the film made headlines because of apparent problems in production due to Seagal. He would turn up late on set, change the script, crew etc and generally cause problems for the director, Don E Faun Leroy (his lack of talent his trouble enough!). This also happens in their second collaboration the upcoming Mercenary which promises to be just as bad as this garbage. This also marks a big turning point in Seagal's career because this film is the first of his to really dig out the stock footage. There was a little in Ticker but this film takes the biscuit. They borrow bits from, The Order (A Van Damme movie, Seagals biggest rival in DTV movies!) No Code Of Conduct, Undisputed, and also an entire action sequence from the little known Peter Weller starring vehicle Top Of The World. Interestingly the car chase stolen from Weller's epic, made almost 10 years ago and ironically probably cheaper than this garbage, is actually by far the best action scene of the film. I was shocked enough when Dolph Lundgren had a brief stint in the stock action video world, which thankfully he has escaped from. Seagal though is the leader of the DTV action market currently, with Van Damme and Snipes his main rivals. Seagal still manages to sell movies and for the life of me I don't know how. Surely the fans must be getting bored of this awfulness, longing for a return to the likes of Above The Law. The story here is totally lame. In fact the film has so many plot holes it doesn't bare thinking about. For example at the end of a film there's a little girl that Seagal apparently knows at an orphanage who he gives a necklace to. Why I don't know but we never see her at all in the rest of the movie, or hear her mentioned. Seagal has a girlfriend in this movie who at the beginning of the film is with a psychic and she becomes haunted by visions, which by the end of the film are never explained and mean nothing. The film is so ridiculously glued together by a series of meaningless pap that it becomes headache inducing.. This is by far Seagal's dumbest movie! Seagal himself is as wooden as ever, however to his credit he doesn't get dubbed in this one as far as I could tell. Seagal does however feel the need to talk like he is a gangsta rapper, making me long for the days he would don his Brooklyn/Italian-American accent, in his classic early films. He also has a painfully unfunny double act with Treach, who I assume is a rapper. It is funny how producers seem to think that the combo of Seagal, plus hip-hop star seems to work, because his team up with DMX in Exit Wounds was his most successful film since Under Siege. Clearly though if no one has heard of the rapper, it won't work. This is an action film though and so the action itself must be judged. Unfortunately the action that didn't come form the NU Image back catalogue is strictly routine. There are a few small fight scenes with some classic Seagal aikido but when 90% is performed by his stunt double, who really does have a rigorous work out in this film, it really doesn't impress much. There are also some standard gun fights which really only have some nice violent and bloody squibbage going for them. All in all this is a painfully boring experience and once again I'm left giving the same verdict: Seagal has lost it! I keep asking the years old question now, "why do people still watch his movies?" That is all very well and good as a question but the sad bastard that I am continues to watch his films in the deluded hope he may do something good once again. Chances are slim, unlike Seagal's ever expanding waistline. *1/2

It's been 3 months and you know what that means...A new Seagal movie. Seagal has really been on role making horrible film after horrible film. Each time every movie getting worse and worse, he's really amazing! I don't really know what to say about TYD, first it's a piece of crap, the story makes no sense at all, secondly he uses stunt men in all his fight scenes, and last but not least a lot of the footage is taken from other movies! It amazes how this guy continues to find work, he comes to the set late and leaves early and because of that his films are full of plot holes and stunt men. Why do we continue to buy his movies, why do we continue to have hope that maybe just maybe he will make a great movie?

I may sound biased, but I don't like Steven Seagal(except for Under Siege and a couple of others) and most of the direct-to-video releases he's done. Today You Die is a pretty poor movie, however with stuff like Submerged and particularly Out for a Kill, Seagal has done worse. The photography and editing aren't as slipshod or as dull as they can be, Nick Mancuso is good and the final explosion is spectacular. Even Seagal is better than usual, however that doesn't necessarily mean he was good, in fact it was still a lazy performance but at least the lines were intelligible. The action didn't do much for me, because of the sluggish pace in general of the film, it felt unexciting, while the plot is derivative with too many plot holes to push a delivery truck through, Treech is very irritating, the script is really quite dumb in places and the soundtrack was not to my taste, too loud and overdone. All in all, a poor film but not among Seagal's worst. 3/10 Bethany Cox

(Credit IMDb) A former thief who is trying to go straight seeks vengeance on those who framed him.

Today You Die consists of more stock footage then I'd have liked, but considering the turds he puts out on a consistent basis these days, even stock-footage I'll take, if it has some good bits and pieces. It has a decent car chase scene, and Seagal does do some fights, only a few of them are filmed in the dark. Seagal looks a bit more motivated then usual, despite wearing a big coat, to hide his heavy baggage. Treach isn't that easy to watch though, and his chemistry with Seagal wasn't that great. The ending is a bit cheesy too. But that's Seagal these days for you.

Performances. Seagal is better then he usually is in low budget crap, but that isn't saying much. He's still lazy, and I never was fully satisfied. That being said, he's better then usual. Treach is annoying, and should stick to rapping. Mari Morrow is OK in her role as Seagal's love interest. Kevin Tighe and Nick Mancusco both good villains, do alright here. Sarah Buxton is easy on the eyes and does decent as an Agent.

Bottom line. Mediocre is even pushing it, but if this type of quality means no more stuff like Kill Switch, Attack Force, etc., count me in!. Not sure if it's worth an entire recommendation, but Seagal fans might be somewhat surprised. I kind of was.

4/10(barely)